Saving Mattie (nh)

Chapter 18: She's Gone

In this chapter I will ask you to play a song to the side, called "Love Will Remember" by Selena Gomez. Hope you enjoy, I'll try to make this extra-long to compensate for the suckines of the last chapter.

My breath hitched in my throat, and all I wanted to do is sob. I felt as though the ground had been yanked from beneath me, and I was falling, down, down to the lowest pits of the earth. I struggled to intake oxygen, but my lungs failed me, leaving me gasping.

"Come on." Mum said, waving me foreword. I didn't want to move. I felt like my feet had grown roots, preventing me from obeying her command.

"Mattie!" She hissed, turning. I felt like I was mute, the entire world going quiet. i could see the fluorescent lighting glint off her handgun, still clutched tightly in her fingers, Funny how something so small will change my life forever. 

It'll probably end my life, actually.

"If you don't move now, I swear to God, I'll kill you right here, right now." she snapped. I hardy heard her, her voice echoing through my head. The edges of my vision went blurry, but I could still see her moving, her feet shifting. I glanced up, and saw the gun, a mere three inches from my face.

 Those who think about death, carrying with them their existing ideas and emotions, usually assume that they will have, during their last hours, ideas and emotions of like vividness ... but they do not fully recognize the implication that when they're faced with death, they won't be able to put those thoughts in motion. They imagine the state to be one in which they can have emotions such as they now have on contemplating the end of life. But at the last all the mental powers simultaneously ebb, as do the bodily powers, and with them goes the capacity for emotion in general. It is, indeed, possible that in its last stages consciousness is occupied by a sense of rest.

But when I saw the barrel of that gun, so close to my face, I didn't feel anything. I wasn't scared of Death. In fact, I almost welcomed it. I was tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of crying. Tired of running from the future I was destined to have.

"Do it." I croaked, my voice sounding weak. I blinked slowly. "Please. I don't want to do this anymore."

I saw the barrel disappear from my line of sight, replaced by my mothers leering face. "Do it?" she asked, her eyes glinting.

I was too drained, emotionally and physically to speak, so instead I nodded. I felt light-headed, distorted. I couldn't make sense of the situation I was now in.  All I wanted to do was be able to forget. Forget everything. Every single flaw with me. My crummy life. My idiotic family. My poor excuse for a life. I wanted to forget everything.

And the only way that would be possible would be to die.

Through the haze, I saw my mother studying me. 'Kill me. Kill me now.' I wanted to cry. But I didn't have the strength to.

"No. I won't give you what you want." she sneered, her cold, dead eyes boring into mine. I whimpered. Why couldn't she kill me?

"P-Please." I stuttered. I wanted an escape.

She shook her head darkly. "No. If you die, you're doing it on my terms." She smirked at me. "All in good time. Now, let's go."

I drunkenly stumbled out behind her, her hand latched to my wrist, tugging me along. I was confused. If she wanted me to die, why would she wait?

"Darcy, we're going home!" Mum called, tugging me to the door. I couldn't see, was too busy counting all the mistakes I've made, why I needed to die. I didn't want to try anymore.

"Oh, are you really?"  I heard her call. Her voice sounded odd, like she had shouted it in a tunnel. I strained to hear, but nearly failed. "Well, I guess I'll see you sometime else Mattie. Bye!"