If I...

~<«Chapter 1»>~

Night. My favorite time of a day. Time when no one is bothering you. When no one needs you. It's only you and your thoughts. At this time it almost feels like you become their prisoner. And there is not a single escape from it. At this time our dreams and fantasies become even crazier. In you awakes that you that you will never be in the morning. That crazy one, who is ready for all those furious things. At this time you can be a "different" yourself. With your favorite music. With your favorite books. And it doesn't matter where you are and how many problems surround you. Just in this specific moment, at this point of time - you just turn everything off. You are left alone. Nobody needs you. And slowly you are losing your mind. You are changing your life. You build a plan, a picture, a plot of ideal life for you. Without problems. Without unwanted people. Giving in to your fantasies and desires. At this time you are honest. You are talking about what at the daytime was locked up. About what you shouldn't talk. You are missing what you have never been, but you know, that later everything will be better. You are setting goals and are getting ready to achieve them. But in the morning... In the morning everything is forgotten and that's it, what was thought, made, wanted at night, seems totally insane. Because at the morning wakes up that you, that you lock up at night.

And that happens every day.

I sat on the roof of a tall building. Watching a city lit up with lights. The reflexions across wide lake surrounding my city. Ironically this city, lit up with warm colors is so cold in reality. Probably not the city, but people. Cruel. Heartless. Emotionless. Memories filled me and a single tear dropped down from my eyes. I watched it fall down fast, like a lightning bolt striking at the darkness of the night. 

I hugged my legs and kept staring at the beautiful city before me.

"Are you okay Anita?" Forest asked softly, concerned about me.

"I feel alone. I can't let people in I'll only get hurt. I feel scared." I said hugging my legs tighter."Not only of people and places, but myself too. What if I lose control?" I half yelled, giving up." And I feel guilty." I said a little quieter. "It's all my fault I'm like this, I just can't get to change myself... But how is that I feel all those feelings and still feel nothing?"Last part I said in barely a whisper.

"People change. And usually, they become whom they said that they never will be." He hugged me with one arm." I know you and you are a great person. You have a good heart."

"A broken to little pieces heart. Broken. Scattered all in different places. There is nothing left of it. It's empty. Just a hole punched through the chest."

"One day there will come a boy who will break through a thousand of your walls and he will find every single piece, and put it back together. You'll see. I promise"

"We'll see." A smile appeared on my face for a brief moment but went away just as fast as it appeared.

Dreams become forgotten.
Pain calms down.
Time changes.
Fates are getting broken.
People change.
Feelings get lost.
Masks reveal.
Points of view change.
Thoughts toss around.
Something gets found.
Something gets lost.
Time changes.
Gets over.
And forgets.
Life goes on...