If I...

~<«Chapter 2»>~

POV Anita:

When I woke up I didn't realize, at first, where I am at. Thoughts were mixed up, some of them I still confused with dreams and nightmares. To focus on reality I needed more time than usually. Room was too empty, too strange, to be anything but a hotel room. Which was confirmed by long, ancient light stands, long curtains made from the same material as bed sheets and standard watercolor paintings on the walls. I tried to think about how I got here, but at first, nothing came to mind. I remember very well a shining black car with toned windows, darker than usual, but just light enough to see. The engine worked almost without a noise, although we rushed through the night highway, going twice as fast as the speed limit allowed. Also, I remember Forest, sitting next to me on a black leather seat. Somehow it happened that at this long night my head comfortably found its place on his hard, muscular arm. My closeness, it seemed like, didn't bother him at all and his warm skin somehow made me feel better. His dark, like the night sky, shirt was soaked with my tears, that fell down, until there were none left, leaving my eyes red and inflammatory. Sleep never came to me that night; I couldn't close my sore eyes until from a short mountain peak, somewhere in California, came out the sun. Grey light, hardly coming through the clouds, that now took over the endless sky. My eyes were hurting, but I wasn't able to close them. Every time I closed them images came back to me like I kept replaying some horror movie. But they were too real and bright to be made up in my mind. It was unbearable. Helpless cries replaying in my mind... painful look in Stefan's eyes... I saw them all getting hurt, but I wasn't able to help anyhow... I can't get through it once again, so I fought with sleep with all the strength I had left, while the sun moved higher in the blue endless sky.

I was still up when we came through not very big mountain range. The sun seemed to move too quickly in the sky, so I barely noticed when it was no longer in front of us. I just watched a plain, ride valley coming in front of me. Next, we passed cliffy hills, too short to be called mountains, but big enough to gain my attention. Palm trees came into play next; their shadows quickly passing on the road. But yet they were too little to hide in. It all felt so familiar, but I just couldn't call it home. The words just stuck in my mouth because I couldn't say them at loud. It all seemed different. Once in my life, I was able to see it in different colors, with different point of view. It was the moment I realized that I didn't want to be here. Too much reminded me of my family and friends.

I am home. Somehow the thought of it being my home was foreign and strange. I quickly took in the house with my eyes. Stepping on the threshold, I saw my mom. Her ice blue eyes always sparkled with happiness, seeing her sent a smile to my face, but it didn't quite reach my eyes. It wasn't a forced smile or the one you have when you see a child smiling at you, it was sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I knew I will never see her again and even now it is just a memory. She is gone. Somehow that thought couldn't quite register in my mind. But in a way, I was happy because back then everything was great and I wouldn't have a single reason not to be. Only when I actually entered the house all of it went away in a heartbeat. I couldn't see her smile or light wavy hair, coming down to her shoulders, only boring grey colors filled the room. And everything seemed to be a long time forgotten beautiful fantasy, as well as my life. Maybe it all is just a horrible nightmare? I just need to open my eyes and everything will come back at their places. I poked myself in hope that it is not real. But everything stayed the same. Fireplace that used to bring warmth and comfort was put out a long time ago and the only thing left of it was black and white ashes adding on to the cold and boring atmosphere. I would continue to face the harsh reality of life if somebody's husky cough wouldn't pull me out of my thoughts.

"We need to get our stuff out of the car," Forest said after he stopped coughing.

"Yes, of course." I agreed without hesitation. I need to get my mind off of things.