If I...

~<«Chapter 21»>~

"Be nice to everyone, always smile and appreciate things because it could all be gone tomorrow.

~ Ed Sheeran"

POV Anita:

"I am tied up to the wall. My legs are bending down, hands all covered in blood, but I don't care. I am counting seconds until the death. No, not my death. My twin sister's. I am yelling and screaming, but nobody can hear me. It's useless. We are alone. There is nobody to help.

Stab in the back. Another one. Another. She is dead. My sister. My twin. "

I wake up screaming. Until I am out of my voice. Tears fall down my face.

Holden runs into the living room, where I fell asleep on a coach.

"Anita!? Anita! What happened?" Holden asked breathing hardly.

"I ... I had a nightmare..." I say breathing hard as well.

It's not just a nightmare. It's real. It felt so real like I experienced the whole thing once again. But I can't just say it to anybody. I battle it all inside, no matter how hard it can be. It's like all those memories, they raise up in my mind every time when everything seems to go back to normal. But whom am I kidding? Nothing about me is normal! But for now I just keep it all from everyone. Maybe one day I will be able to open up and speak about my past, but not now. Too soon. I don't want to get hurt again. Again, everything for me goes in circles. I've learned one thing about life - every time you come to the surface, every time you feel happy at least for a little bit, life will drown you farther than you had ever been, it will strike you harder than you ever felt. You can't ever be too happy, you can't open up to people. I can't. Not yet.

"I am here. Everything is okay now. You have me." Holden said looking into my eyes and pulling me into a bear hug.

"Thank you." I whisper into his chest.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." I lied.

"I will go then."

"...Holden?..."

"Yes?"

"Can you stay?"

"Always..."

•••

I wake up feeling someone beside me quietly snoring. I looked at Holden peacefully sleeping beside me.

Am I doing it again? I never seem to learn that lesson. People can hurt you. The more you get attached to a person, more he can hurt you. Deeper.

"I am sorry Holden. It's not your fault." I apologized to a peacefully sleeping Holden.

I gathered my stuff and went back to my house without a thought of ever coming back.

I need to stay away. I have to. Just go! - Thoughts were running through my mind.

I couldn't get rid of them. I grew attached to him already. How could I? I don't want to hurt him because deep inside I knew that he feels something towards me. It may not be something as big as love, but he does feel something warm towards me. And deep down, although I try to cover it all up. Lying to myself. I know that I feel that way to him as well. I let it go to far. It wouldn't be as easy to let go of him as it should've been. How did I fell in that trap again? I can't hurt him, but if I wouldn't leave it will hurt both of us.

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To be continued...