Learning to Live, Again

Chapter Twenty-eight

Niamh

"E-excuse me," I ask, shocked at her words. My heart quickens in fear as she leans forward in her chair, eyeing me. She looks down at my bandaged hands and smirks. I lick my lips nervously.

She stands up, looking down at me. "You and I both know you weren't raped. You're just like every other idiot who gets drunk and goes missing for a while."

"I- I- how can you say that to me? Look at me!" I'm getting angry. How can she say that after the way I look?

The cop takes a step towards me, and I instinctively jerk back away from her. "You need to keep your mouth shut and quit telling lies if you want your cop to survive," she spits. "My boss doesn't appreciate snitches."

"Your boss? What-" And then it hits me. She's not just a cop. She's with the men who did this to me. I swallow. "Caleb? Please, don't kill him," I whimper. I never meant to drag him into this. I never thought that such a small murder case could turn into this. It was just the standard "wrong man in jail" case, and it's turned into this. "Please, I'll do anything."

She smirks. "Good. That's what I like to hear. First of all, we need you to stop telling everyone you were raped and kidnapped. It's causing unwanted attention for us." I nod. "Secondly, when your cop wakes up, you need to tell him to get lost. You never want to see or hear from him again, got it?" Again, I nod. She smiles. "Good, you're keeping up. And finally? Drop the case. Tell your little friend you couldn't find any evidence to prove her hubby didn't do it. Can you do that for me?"

I nod. "Yes," I whisper.

The woman grins. "Great. We're all good thing. No hard feelings." She turns to leaves, but stops and over her shoulder she says, "As for the baby? Kill it, or we will."

~~~~~

Caleb

I sat at home with the girls. Since leaving Niamh in the hospital, I've fought back this overwhelming feeling of wanting to drink or cry. It felt like my whole life was crashing down on me, and the only thing keeping me from being crushed under the weight of it all were my girls. My two little beauties who helped make the world go round. 

I had never wanted kids, not even a little bit, but then they were born, and I felt like this was what my life was supposed to be like. My purpose was to love and raise my two girls, show them the world, and teach them not to end up like me.

I was married to a woman who didn't-couldn't- love anything other than herself, who made me into a horrible human being, and who couldn't be trusted. She was manipulative, mean, vindictive, and she took the joy out of me. 

I lost my best friend. That wasn't totally Addaline's influence. I lost her the day I disappeared from my bed. I ran like a chicken, not wanting to face the fact that I stole my best friend's virginity in one drunken night. She trusted me; she trusted me so much. I was the only person she would drink with because she trusted me not to take advantage of her, and I did... and then I left her to wonder what happened. 

Madeline's whimpering pulled me out of my pity party. I stood up, taking her in my arms, holding her neck carefully. She was still asleep, thankfully, and the second I held her to my chest, she quieted down, sleeping peacefully. Her blonde hair was thin, as most baby's are, and it had waves in it. Her skin was soft as I brushed my finger against her cheek. 

I'd made a paternity test on Wednesday, but I had the feeling I wasn't going to it. I didn't want to know. She was mine. Rowan and Madeline were mine, and it didn't matter to me if they weren't mine by blood. I loved these little girls, and the thought of Addaline potentially taking them from me once I asked her for a divorce scared the shit out of me.

Partially because I knew she wouldn't care for them like they needed to be. I couldn't tell you how many times I came home to one or both of them being in a shitty diaper. My mother complained to me all the time about having to care for the girls because Addaline flat out refused to. The only good thing about this- if you wanted to see the silver lining- was the fact that my mother's drinking had slowed way down. More and more times I was coming home to a sober her, and it both warmed and hurt my heart. She cared enough about her grand-babies to stop drinking, but not enough about me as a child to.

As I set Madeline back into the crib, I heard the front door slam shut. "Corbin," I heard Addaline scream, and I quickly made my way into the living room, carefully shutting the girls' room so Addaline wouldn't wake them. "What the fuck is this?" I found her in the kitchen gripping a letter in her hand.

I frown. "It's obviously mine," I say calmly, seeing "Dear Corbin" written at the top of it. 

"Yes," she spits. "That's fucking obvious! It's a letter from the Isherwood Clinic in town. You're getting a paternity test on the girls?"

I sigh. "Addaline, please, quite down and we'll discuss this. The girls are sleeping."

"I don't give a fuck if they're sleeping," she snarls. "What the fuck is this? Why are you getting a paternity test on the girls?"

I clench my jaw, trying to keep myself calm. "Addaline," I say through gritted teeth, "I'll answer your question if you'll quite down."

"I will fucking not," she growls. "Answer me or I'll go in the room and yell as loud as I can.

I sigh angrily. "Fine. Yes, I was going to get a paternity test on the girls."

"Was?"

"Yes- was. I'm not anymore."

"Why the hell not," she asks, starting to quiet down.

I take her hand. "Because," I say, "I thought about it, and I realized I was being a ridiculous ass. Of course they're my daughters. Why wouldn't they be?"

Addaline nods. "They are yours," she says softly.

I nod. "Of course they are. I'm an idiot for doubting you. I was just worried because I thought the newest additions to our family might not be mine, so I made an appointment. The more I thought about it, though, the more ridiculous it sounded to me." I pull her to me gently, and she complies. "I'm sorry for being such an idiot, honey."

She looks up at me, her blue eyes calm. "It's fine," she murmurs. "It just-" she pauses, as if searching for the right word "-hurt." As I look into her eyes, I can see her fear beginning to ebb away, and I realize that she wasn't scared of me not trusting her. What she fear was the paternity test. 

I nod. "Of course," I say. "I'm sorry." I force myself to kiss her lips gently. She responds instantly, thinking she's fooled me into believing I was foolish to think those girls weren't mine. "I won't even take a paternity test on the newcomers. I didn't mean it. I was just mad, and scared, and surprised."

Relief floods her eyes, and it stings my chest. She smiles, and for the first time since meeting her, it makes my skin crawl. "I love you."

I nod. "I love you, too." She kisses me, and then leads me to the bedroom. I make love to her mechanically, just going through the motions, and she doesn't seem to sense the difference. I lay beside her that night, and I get this weird sense of pride. She believed me. The manipulator became the manipulated. Whether they're mine by blood or not won't change how I feel about my girls, but I have to know- if only to spite her.

~~~~~

Hello Readers!

I know it's been a long time, but I've finally knocked that wall down! I started to write this chapter, and I was so worried it wouldn't come out, but the moment I put my fingers to the keyboard, it just flowed like before. Sometimes you just have to take a break and let your brain rest or focus on other things. I hope you liked this chapter. It feels great to be back in the swing of things!

Happy Reading!

Jax Nicoles