Learning to Live, Again

Chapter Eighteen

Niamh

I lay on my back, my eyes closed. If I was in the real world, I would be dozing, but I never slept for some reason in this world. I never felt hunger, or sadness, or pain. The darkness was safe, if slightly boring.

Sometimes I could hear a female voice which I remembered to belong to my mother. It was sad, and sometimes it would make me feel bad, but that feeling would quickly disappear after her voice did. There would also be really quite voices that sounded like children, but I had yet to remember who they were. I could almost never make out what they were saying.

"Niamh." I sat up, yawning out of habit. I stretched, my body used to doing that even though it gave no relief or help. "Niamh, it's your mom, please, come back to me. I miss you my girl, and the boys miss you, too." I frowned. What a strange thing to call two grown men. "Niamh, we miss you. Come back to us." I looked up. I could see a thin line of light.

I started seeing it after I had first ascended. I think it was an opening to the other world. The one where my mother was. Every time I tried to leave this one and enter that one I was consumed with pain, so I stopped trying, and now whenever I saw it, it was smaller than the last time I saw it.

"Niamh, come back to me." I shook my head. How selfish of her. Here my joints no longer ached from malnutrition. I no longer felt the pain of not being fed for a week, or the burn from thirst. Nothing caused me pain here. I was safe here. Out there, I could be hurt, horribly. I couldn't remember yet how I knew that, but I trusted the feeling. "Come here, dears. Say something to her."

The next voices ripped holes in my heart. "Mommy?" they asked together. Their voices were so young, and tears fell down my cheeks from how ashamed I was at not having recognized their voices sooner.

"Mommy," the older of the two said again, "please come back."

"Yea," the younger one agreed.

"Grandma says you're sleeping. You've been sleeping for a while. Please wake up." His voice was starting to break, and I couldn't stop the sob that ripped itself from my throat. Those were my sons; my boys. In my selfishness, I had abandoned them. I had left them to fend for themselves.

I was a horrible mother. I curled up on the ground, holding my knees to my chest. "I'm sorry," I cried, wishing they could hear me. "Mommy's sorry."

I looked up, and to my horror, the gap was beginning to close. Knowing it was now or never, I jumped to my feet, reaching towards the receding light. At first nothing happened, and I was worried that I was too late, that the darkness had finally claimed me. Just as their voices disappeared and my heart ached the most, I began to float, slowly at first, and then faster towards the light.

No fear kept me from rushing full force at the light, and my eyes snapped open. I could see lights on a ceiling with painted clouds. I looked to my right to see my mother and my boys. A sound to my left made me turn my head, and I could see a man standing there. Within moments, fear snatched me in it's grip and the pain that I had kept me from coming back seized me. I cried out in pain, gasping for air and sobbing from the fear.

"What's happening to mommy?"

Doctors raced into my room and escorted everyone that wasn't hospital personnel out. A woman came into my line of vision. I was in too much pain to remember her name, but I knew that I knew her from somewhere.

"Niamh, I'm going to give you something for the pain. This will help manage it, but you'll still feel some of it I'm afraid. If I give you anymore you'll go back under and you may not come back after that."

I could see her insert a needle into the IV tube, and after a few moments I could breath again, the pain much more manageable. My body still hurt immensely, but this pain wouldn't make me lose control like the other one did. "How long have I been in here?"

The woman began checking all my wires and tubes. "For over a week." After she decided everything was okay now, all the doctors began to leave. I grabbed the woman's arm. "My sons," I pleaded. "Can I see my sons?"

The woman shook her head. "Not right now; you're in too much pain. You need to rest."

I shook my head. "Please. I need to see them. I've been selfish."

The woman sighed. "I'm so sorry, Niamh. You can't. They shouldn't see you like this. Then you really will be selfish. Please, just try to nap. I'll bring you some Jello or something in a few minutes for you to eat, and after that the police would like to speak to you."

I fell back onto my pillows, tears in my eyes. I could remember why I hadn't wanted to come back, and stomach fluttered. I set my hand on my stomach, tears in my eyes.

~~~~~

A/N

I am sorry for not updating sooner. I know I was suppose to update yesterday, but I was insanely sick on Friday, and then I was volunteering at the shelter on Saturday, and then I had 4H and horseback riding on Sunday. I had this chapter somewhat written between Wednesday and Thursday, and I was suppose to finish it Friday, but then I got sick and well, yea.

I'm sorry, but here's the chapter! It's not too late! Just a day! I hope you like it!! :)

~Jax Nicoles