Learning to Live, Again

Chapter Twenty-nine

Niamh

I stayed in my room for a bit, my chest tightening with fear. They knew about the baby. I sigh. But of course they would. They probably have doctors working for them. I set my hand on my stomach, bile rising up the back of my throat at the thought of killing an innocent child. He or she has nothing to do with this, I think to myself. I couldn't possibly kill it, no matter how it came to be.

But what about Heath and Dean, a voice whispers to me, and my stomach drops. Could you do it for them?

Tears well in my eyes as I curl up in the corner of the room. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to exist. I had to kill one child to keep the others from being harmed, and I knew it was what needed to be done. After all, this child was created from anger, fear, abuse, and rape. It would turn out as evil as its father.

You don't believe that, a different voice whispers, and I shake my head, tears running down my face.

Great. Now I'm insane. 

I don't believe in God. I stopped all those years ago when I prayed for him to cure Jeff. When it was evident he wouldn't be healing, my trust in him stopped. I look up at the ceiling, tears running down my face. "Please, God," I find myself whispering. "Help me decide or help me find a better way. I- I'll do anything.. anything." I start to sob.

After a while, I force myself to calm down, giving up on the idea of hearing from God.

"Even if he did exist," I whispered to myself, "why would he help someone like me?"

I slowly stood up on legs that were half asleep. The pins and needles feeling came back, making me whimper and pinch them to wake them up more. I hated that feeling so much. 

A few hours pass before Natasha comes into the room. She frowns, and I can tell instantly that she knows I was crying. "Another bad dream," she asks softly, and I shake my head. "What's wrong?"

"I- I've been lying," I whisper, looking at my hands in my lap.

Her frown of empathy turns into one of confusion. "About?"

"About.. being kidnapped and raped. I got drunk, and I slept with someone. I was so embarrassed, I hid from everyone, and then Corbin hit me with his car."

She scowls. "That's not true, and you know it. You were naked and bloody Niamh. You were hysterical when you woke up. You won't let any male doctor near you. You'll barely let me. Why are you lying?"

I shake my head. "I'm not lying. I'm sorry. I'm finally telling the truth. I'm a whore and a good actor, simple as that."

Natasha shakes her head. "No. I don't care what they threatened you with, Niamh. You can't let them win. You can't let them get away with this. If you let them get away with this, you're giving them a chance to do this to more women. Is that what you want?"

I shake my head. "This is the truth. I had sex with people, and then I lied about it. Please, just go sign the release forms."

She stubbornly refuses. "No. You have to go through physical, mental, and prenatal exams, and if you fail even one of these, I'm not releasing you until you go back to telling the truth. You have to fight these horrible people, Niamh. Please. You can't let them do this to you; you just can't."

I refuse to look her in the eyes. "Go get the exams ready," I murmur. "I want to go home and forget about how much of a liar I am."

Natasha looks like she's going to say something, but she closes her mouth. She looks at the ground, a single tear falling down her cheek as she fights to control herself. "Fine," she murmurs, wiping the tear from her cheek. "Fine." She turns and heads out of the room.

I curl up under my covers, hiding myself away from the world as I sob into my pillow so no one can hear.

~~~~~

Dean

My mother was awake, but we weren't allowed to see her right now. Heath and I are at the park. Grammy took us here. She said we needed to get out of the house or we'd end up as white as a ghost, or mommy's hair.

I know Niamh's not really my mom, but she treats me so nicely. She treats me like she's my mom, and I treat her like she's my mom. She was gone for a long time, but she's back now. Her boyfriend Jeremy visited us a lot, when Caleb was asleep. He said he was there to tell us about mom. 

"She's safe," he would tell us, but I never believed that part. "She'll continue to be safe as long as you don't tell anyone I visited, okay?" I always believed that part. He was too scary not to believe. 

Jeremy would sit and tell us stories about mom. He said she was eating gourmet food and drinking lots of wine. I'm not sure what all that means, but he seemed to think it meant she was happy, so I would nod and smile like he wanted.

I had learned to act from my other family. My other mom didn't like when I was sad, so I had to act happy, and my other dad hated to see me cry. He would yell, "Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about." I learned after the first few times that he was serious. When a guy gets a twinkle in his eye, you know he's serious, so I learned to act happy, and I learned to tell when a guy was serious.

Like Jeremy.

He was serious that if we didn't keep quiet, mom would get hurt. The part he left out was that she'd be even more hurt. Jeremy wasn't nice. I heard what he did to mom, and I heard that he was a suspect in her disappearance. I think that means he might be the person who took her.

He wasn't the person who took her; I knew that for sure, but he was working with the people who stole her. I don't know why. He never asked us questions that might be a reason for mom being taken. All his visits  consisted of where asking us how our day was, telling us a story, telling us to not tell anyone, and then putting us to bed.

Somehow he always left before Caleb could come check on us and see. He'd find me awake sometimes, but he always thought it was from bad dreams. He didn't know that one of them had turned to life and snuck in our window at night. 

His visits stopped after Caleb got Rudolph for us. He sleeps on the floor on his doggy bed, and the first night Jeremy came to visit again, Rudolph barked and growled and scared him off. He hasn't been back since. 

I'm scared he might take mommy again, but if I tell anyone he took her the first time, he'll hurt her...

~~~~~

Hello Readers!

I decided to do one from Dean's view because I thought it might be a nice spin on things, but I'm not sure how it turned out. I hope it wasn't too bad. It's suppose to seem kind of "primitive" or.. um... young, I suppose, would be a good word for it. Primitive makes me sound like a donkey.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as well, and I promise there are more on the way!

{Also, don't forget about Abused Virtue, my werewolf/werecoyote romance story! I updated when I updated this story, and the next chapter of that one should be out soon!}

Happy Reading!

Jax Nicoles