Haunted Love / / Harry Styles

Prologue

2013

Dark, rain filled clouds cascaded over the original baby blue Californian sky. Lightening struck out every now and then as I made my way down the sidewalk. Thunder rumbled making the stones on the ground rattle at the rumbling sound. The rain splattered down on me at a fast pace, but it didn't seem to faze me. Everything inside me feels numb as I make my way to the end of the parking lot. The horrid memories that happened over a year ago seem fresh inside my mind. Everything inside of me urges to have something take away the pain, to at least get a surge of adrenaline.

Today was exhausting at the studio. Everyone seemed to be depressed, including me. Unlike them though, they were just weakened by the weather, while I was in love with it. The director in the movie I am in decided to change the script at the last five seconds which turned out awful for me. It seemed like every time he would even put a hand on me I would flinch.

The pain has never ceased to stop. Therapy could never work for me on it, no one can take back the memories, the things that were stolen from me. It would be impossible for anyone to. Every time the director Josh, tried getting a shot of me and this guy Jason kissing, my body kept on trying to coil away. He tried giving me a pep talk but it wouldn't ever and will never work on me. It was hard for me not to break down there. He has no clue why I do it, and the worst thing was he had threatened to fire me.

An actor named Zach who I have befriended wasn't there today. He reminded me a lot of my old friend Carrol which made me like hanging out with him. Zach was only two years older than me making it even more fun hanging out with him. He wasn't there today because he was flying to his home town in Europe which I think is, Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. His mother recently died in a car accident and he wanted to attend her funeral.

When Zach found out about his mom I was the first one he came to. As oddly as it was, he ended up telling me he knew I was damaged and he liked that about me. He seemed like the only reasonable person who was in this stupid Disney movie I was lead role in. I had offered to come with him, but Josh, along with my manager Lacy ended up making my schedule busy enough that I couldn't.

Everything inside of me was exhausted. I am so tired of flinching at everyone's touch, or having the terrible memories come back into my mind. People may say I have a great life but I have never had one. I was just lucky enough to have a best friend who was a youtuber. No one will ever know what has happened during my existence and I don't plan on telling anyone.

A sigh escaped my mouth as I reached the main road. My feet glued to the sidewalk as I reached the bus station right outside the studios. Looking both ways my eyes searched for my brothers jeep. My brother has always been my protector and it would be tremendous if he ever wasn't here. He was the only person who really helped me out of my hell hole of a life other than my best friend Carrol.

He was furious today when I told him about the script change. In fact, I think he was more than I was. He sent me whole bunch of text wanting to threat the director and saying he was going to come to the studio and throw a bitch fit... I'm just glad he didn't come. The cautions of the kiss was hard enough for me and I ended up convincing him not to.

The kiss was horrid for me. Jason's slimy lips were on mine and I couldn't handle it. Tears kept wanting to seep out from my eyes but I wouldn't allow it. All I have been doing this past year is crying. It seems like everything I do, I can't get the horrid memories etched out my mind. The only progress I have made was moving away from Utah and being able to get the feel of their grimy hands off my body. The memories are the only thing that is left through my mind and I honestly don't think I will be able to get them away.

My best friend Carrol, experiences seeing the memories as well. I get calls in the middle of the night, her telling me she dreamed of me almost being dead again. My guiltiness always triggers when she tells me that, but it makes me glad that she doesnt blame it on me. She has always been there for me these past few years and I am terribly greatful for that. Today during my break I even thought of calling her. She is the only one who seems to take away the pain a little bit while I am feeling it.