Haunted Love / / Harry Styles

Chapter 1

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

Monster- Imagine Dragons

2016.

I use to just sit there. Sit there and watch what was happening in the world. All I seemed to do was observe things for the longest time. My mind felt numb, my whole body felt numb, yet I could still function. The bad things that have happened, the images all growing in my memory. The pain rained through for so long and yet it still does.

Only over almost two and a half years ago I was able to feel a sense of the numb going away. Yet that's the only thing that really has happened towards me. My whole body has fought to get a sense of spark to pull me out of this deep pit. This deep pit I have been driven into seems to grow bigger each day. All I can really thank for pulling me out is my fans. Fans, and my bandmates Zach, Hannah, and Spencer.

The deep pit seems like a curse, and maybe it is. Maybe my whole life is a curse, but that's the one thing I have yet to find out about. My grandmother use to say that curses are what brings the worst of us, or the worse of our past. I use to just think she was crazy, but it wasn't until everything began happening to me when I finally realized she has been supporting me ever since I was little. She has given me all these tales, in which now I am only beginning to learn.

The one thing I realized over a year ago was her tale, Life is just one big maze. Well with what has happened in these past 12 years, I now believe it. Life is a maze is that everyone goes through. Life is like a maze. A maze that seems so endless. You go through all these confusing passages not even knowing where you are going. You see so many things you wouldn't expect to run into, you run into dead ends. It makes you just want to stop. To stop going and give up, then it will all go away. Once you get to that almost breaking point you always find that one passage that makes you begin going again. The life maze is one of the most important things in the world because everyone makes it to the end.

Once you see the ending of the walls that have impacted your life, the ones that have kept you moving into things you wanted and didn't want. The ending of the maze is your death. By the time you get there you have wrinkles. Your body can barely move. You are exhausted in complete matter that you can barely even reach it. So when you finally reach that opening to be free, you know you are ready. The horrible thing about the maze is that some people go through it too fast. They run through it as fast as they can to get it over with, that they don't even get to see the meaning of life.

That's the problem with me. People are surrounded with me. They take me through pulling me along to get there faster. Once we reach the end though, they are the only ones taken. They are pulled away leaving me there in the cold foggy maze. The opening of the walls close up and a new passage is open for me. Life has never wanted to take me away and my only question is why? Why can't I just leave when everyone around me seems to die? That's one question I don't think I will ever be able to discover.

The rain clouds above me looked beautiful. The dark black and grey crevices of the clouds looking almost so perfect. The beautiful scenery gave the city of London a bright urban feel to this place. Little trinkets of rain came falling down onto me as I walked along the sidewalk. My throat feels an urge of stinging pain yet pleasure as I take a puff of the cigarette I am currently smoking. Smoking feels great to me, in fact it makes me glad I am getting closer to death even if it does take years. People tell me I need to stop but they don't know why I do it, so I just shrug and take another drag of it. I mean, we all get addicted to something that takes away the pain.