Haunted Love / / Harry Styles

Chapter 2

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

I wanna grab both your shoulders,

And shake baby, snap out of it.

Monster- Imagine Dragons

Snap out of it- Arctic Monkeys

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They say people need to wash their emotions away in a way that helps them cure them. People say that emotions make us who we are everyday. They tell us to find the spark of desire that helps take them away. They tell us that as long as you get that everything will be okay. They say that the people that don't find what helps their emotions don't exist. They tell me I need to stop pitying with mine and begin to search for mine. They tell me everything will be okay, when in reality you can't ever define 'okay'.

People have encouraged me for the longest time to find mine when I am positive it doesn't exist. They say everybody finds what they're looking for as long as you just put some effort into it. They tell me that even if they don't know how long I have actually looked for mine. When I grew up I would go to school and the teachers would tell me to to listen to the people around me. That if they are older, then they are wiser. The only time I have actually believed of that is when ever my grandma talks to me.

She use to read me fairytales, ones that seem so impossible to an adult, but possible to an infant child. She would hold me in her lap, speaking them off the top of her mind. The most interesting ones always came from her great black book that was so large it was almost as big as I was. We would always go to a cabin in the summer until things began becoming bad. It was strange, the cabin always felt intriguing, but I always shook it off.

There was always rain around us everytime we went outside. Fog would set around everywhere but still seem clear as day. The clouds were always dark above, but I never seemed to care. My grandma would have us sit on the docks by a lake near the cabin and read to me while I ate my favorite sandwich. Everytime it would rain when she would read a certain story. All I can remember was the story was about a girl who was attatched to the rain. The girl had an extremely dark memories and had nothing to take them away. Once it rained the girl would feel refreshed, fill like it washed all the pain away from her dark soul.

As I walk down the streets of London with water splashing down on me I wonder if the story was actually true. The story was always about the girl who had a dark soul because of her past and what was happening in the present. The girl had terrifying things happen to her when she was younger and before she was even born and could feel them everyday. My grandma is known to be crazy but maybe she is just very wise, but for some reason I think that's why now I am in love with the rain.

I have had this dark soul since I was born and I always use to have break downs whenever I was alone. Panic attacks were my friends since I was six years old. Though, they usually turn their backs on me like so many other people have. The rain seems to wash the darkness away. It washes away the scars on my skin, my soul, and soothes me with its cool breaths. Even if it drenches me to my undergarments I feel waterproof when it comes down on me. It helps cure the things that no one has even tried to cure on me. Help is all I have needed but another thing my grandma taught me is we need to fight our own battles. It kills me that this wise person will be gone soon and it makes me want to just stab my own heart out.

"So I know how you hate coming back to Utah but I really would love it if you came to just hear about my Will." My grandmas sweet voice fills through the speakers of my phone and it tugs at my heart. The past two years she has been fighting luekimia and it seems to be getting worse everyday. She stopped responding to test about a year ago and last week the doctor told her she only had about a few months left. When she told me this it seemed I may have broken into millions of pieces but she gave me courage and helped me. "I made sure that everyone will be on their best behaviors, and your dad and Parker really want to see you."