Please, I Can Change

Chapter 2

I don't care anymore. Why do they see me like this? Being the nation of love fits me too well, to the point where they think that they can fuck about with my feelings. This might be a little over the top, but no one can feel the anger that I am currently feeling. I run from the door, opening the door to a shower of heavy rain. Sucking in breath through slits in my teeth, I run out the building and immediately become wet with the pouring rain around me. I do not wait for my car, I just run from everyone and their judgement. It is a long way home, but I can take it, something that no country thought I could do. Who the fuck do they think they are? Yao and I do not have much conversation, and neither does Russia, but at least I can say that we get on well. Alfred is bad enough, and I sometimes want to slap the diabetes right out of him. He is jealous of me, and is hostile to me, but I do not know why. I know that he loves Arthur, but surely I am not getting in the way of that? I do not like Alfred in that way, but I understand how easy it is for Alfred to see a threat, seeing with my reputation and all. I don't know what is happening with Arthur, for he tries to be kind but I push him away. I just cannot trust anyone right now and how no one knows how this is for me annoys me so much.

Running home, I don't stop to look at anyone or anything. Rochelle (My name for Monaco) is home early for some reason and she helpfully holds the door open as I storm in.

"Merci" I growl at her, slamming the door shut and storming upstairs to my room. As soon as I am a loss. I scream, and take my fist. It hits out at everything; the door, the walls and the windows. I cannot care less, so I smash everything up.

Rochelle comes running as she hears the noise going on, as does Andorra, and they stare, before Alison (Andorra) shrugs and leaves me alone. Monaco stays in shock and keeps her mouth open in a rare sight of my anger. I realise that she is there.

" Francis, please STOP! YOU ARE GOING TO HURT YOURSELF!" She shrieks before reaching for my hands, the scars open from the vase incident at the world conference. I look also, and see blood showering out of it, from within where glass in its splinters have stayed in to remind me of what I have just done.

"Get OFF ME PLEASE! J-JUST GET O-OFF!" I scream at her, and without thinking, I slap her with my free hand. She starts before drooping to the floor and begins to cry.
I feel guilty but my rage is too much to comprehend.

" Why do you hurt me, everyone else and most of all, yourself? " She sobs.

I reach down to hug her, the pain shooting from my knuckles upwards into the arm, and I gasp at the effect. She moves hurriedly away and picks herself off of the floor.

"No." She tries to push me away " Don't touch me, asshole."

"I-I..." I stutter in response to her bitterness "Forgive me please... Rochelle??"

"For this? No, never; you can forget it, Francis. I do not want to be friends with a raping perv" She glares me, and runs out of the room crying. Alison walks past the door way and sighs. Wow, that hurt. Especially from Monaco. I deserved it though. Maybe she was right actually, I am going to hurt her, everyone but most of all myself. I cannot afford to do that.

In the bathroom, I try to wash off the blood and remove the splinters of glass, stuck in my fingers. The process is painful and the blood just leaks more once I have removed the glass. I look up into the mirror and I want to look away. There I see is someone weak, scared and heartless. I see a pale face staring back at me, face white and eyes sluggish. His eyes are like tunnels, and they don't lighten up as he screeches with laughter at me.

I watch his mouth open and close as his eyes bore straight through me.

You want to know what I see?

What? I could not care less about your opinions.

You do though! My opinions are yours also. I am your inner instinct, and your inner opinion. I wonder how anyone could stand someone as stupid as you.

I am not stupid

How could you say that?! You are stupid enough to let me tell you what you think of yourself. Look at yourself, for I see an ugly creep. You will go to prison one day for your crimes, do not try to hide your motives, France. I know everything that you are intending...

Shut up. You do not know me if you say that I am telling myself that.

You are so depressed. Look at you, everyone jokes about you whilst you are not there. Arthur, Alfred, Ivan, Matthew, Ludwig. Even your little brother, Feliciano is having second thoughts.

He would not do that

Ah, but doesn't he do whatever Ludwig does? Face it, your whole existence is a joke to mock and laugh at.

What would it take for you to leave me alone?

I do not go away just like that, you know....

Then why are you here? To tell me this, to mock me like the others?

There we go! You understand how everyone feels about you now. I was wrong, frog, you were not so stupid after all. You just need a little push in the right firection.

I won't listen anymore.

Goodbye then. Hope you sort out the misery that you have caused everyone. Look at Rochelle, calling you an asshole. Why don't you go die if all you do is make people miserable?

I-I don't mean-

Please, admit it that no one shall come to your funeral. I might be able to help.

How?

When you are ready, take these * points behind Francis to a medicine bottle on a cabinet* for just one of these will kill you instantly, make your heart stop and your organs shut down. How pleasing does that sound to you? Eventually, everyone will be happy without you in the way.

Ready? I am ready to die?

Do not worry. You will be back.

Strange. It is not like I will be back if I die, for I know that if you are dead, then you are dead, you are gone.