My Woods

Lost in Memory

        I waited until we were fully parked in Hunter's driveway to unlock the door and hop out. I looked at Aunt Lorie's house across the field and felt a buzz of memory and sadness wash over me. I hadn't been inside that house since Aunt Lorie had died. Hunter held the door into his house for me but I stayed outside. "C'mon! Let's go get dressed!" called Hunter. I looked back at Hunter, and then at Aunt Lorie's house. "Hey, I uh...I'm actually gonna go and see the house..." Hunter hesitated but then slowly said, "Okay," and I walked slowly across the field.
      I walked up to the back screen door, uncertain if I should do this. I pushed past the thought and the screen door. "Here we go..." I said, taking my first step into the house. It was exactly how Aunt Lorie had left it. The soft sofa, crowded with comfy chairs, where I used to read books, half paying attention to Aunt Lorie's phone conversations.
The dinner table, where Aunt Lorie would serve the best home cooked meals every night, and we would talk.
The kitchen, where we painted it yellow ourselves. I walked upstairs, shedding tears at only the most important items and rooms. Then I opened a single white door at the end of the picture filled hallway. I walked over towards the little white desk and found a key in a pencil holder cup. I unlocked the drawer of the desk to find a small black picture frame. Inside of the frame were two folded up notes. I had never read the notes before because Aunt Lorie never let me and it was not worth arguing about. Now, I was more curious than ever to read both of them. I took the notes out of the picture frame and opened the first one. It was addressed to Aunt Lorie.

Dear Loran,
       If you are reading this note, I am already gone. Gone in the wind. Gone in the trees. Gone in my daughters life...I don't want to be here anymore! I'm sick of this lonely town! I'm sick of fighting the tears because of the memories of my husband that are everywhere! I want something different! If there is even anything out there for me anymore...I want to find it. All I can do is hope! For  the best. And I wish that you would support me in my decision. I'm not asking for you to venture off with me. I...I just don't want to be here anymore! There is nothing here for me! When I look at my reflection, I don't see a curious, young girl in my eyes. I see hurt, lonely, lost eyes. I don't see myself! I see a sad stranger. I'm just looking for something, something new! I'm not asking for you to grab my daughter and run either. I-I just can't stay here! The memories are going to rip me apart! That is if they haven't already! The memories are
E V E R Y W H E R E! They haunt me at night, during they day! I see my husband in my daughters eyes. Everything about her is him. Her laugh. Her smile. She haunts me the most and I can't take it! Just please, don't ever show her this note! Treat me with as little respect as you want! Just don't show her this note and let her know, 'I love you baby doll!'
               -Liliah

A tear rolled down my cheek and landed on the paper. My mom wrote that...I could hear my mothers voice in every word. I could see her shaky hand as she wrote the letter. Her, shaking her head and the tears kept falling. Aunt Lorie had never delivered the message from my mom to me. I felt my heart sink. I really am the reason my mother left. I really am the reason I have no mother. It's my fault. It's all my fault! I sat down in the desk chair and just stared at the note. I re-read it over and over again. As tears fell down my cheeks, I tried to push the thought out of my head. It can't be me. It can't. But...it is. I watched her write every word in my head and listened to her innocent voice, quivering with the tears. I watched her bite her lip and put her head in her hands to cry. I remember when I would walk into a room and there she would be, crying in her hands. I would begin to cry myself before I even walked over to her. I would ask what's wrong and she would just shake her head and I wouldn't have the chance to hop into her lap before she walked off to cry behind a locked door. That would make me cry so hard having the thought of her not wanting to be around me. She didn't even look at me some days before she left. I would go into my room and cry. Then one day she came into my room when I was crying and she asked what was wrong and I just stood up and walked away to cry behind a locked door. She stood in my room, not moving. A tear rolled down her cheek and slipped off her chin onto the floor.
That was the first time someone I know, became someone I knew. I would have done anything to change that. There was nothing I wouldn't have given up...then. I didn't read the next note. I didn't take it with me. I just folded up the first one and put them back into the frame, like I had never even touched it. I stood in the room for a while wondering what to do with myself now. I took one glance at a picture that as inside Aunt Lorie's desk and felt an unbelievable amount of hatred for myself. I quickly changed my mind and grabbed the second note. I suddenly began sprinting out of the room. Out of the house house. Out of the field. Into MY woods.
I liked the sound of that. My woods! My woods! My woods that I love! My woods that I love, more than anyone! My woods that have been here lifetimes waiting to comfort me.