As His Heart Hopes...

Hope Abides...

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. 

T.K. could practically hear the scratching in his throat as he tried to swallow the desert that had suddenly formed there; the only other sound accompanying his sandpaper esophagus, the obscure harmony of Tentomon's static buzz and Patamon's flapping.

"Izzy...I, uh, I guess now you know."  T.K. looked down and sighed. 

When only silence follows, T.K. looks back at his fellow Digidestined, a burning threatening to make his oceans overflow. Fighting against the tears-and the waves of anxiety accompanying them-T.K. filled the silence between the two boys.

"Ephram is...well, it's kind of complicated. But not really, at the same time. I met him recently, but all you need to know is that he's really been helping me come to terms-"

"With your sexuality?" Izzy interrupts, bringing his right hand up to his chin-resting its elbow on his other arm that lay across his chest-as if he was contemplating the mysteries of life. 

"Not quite...I've-Well, I've always known for a while that I was gay. Ephram is just helping me realize that I don't need to hide that from the world. I mean, sure, people are going to hate-but screw 'em, they shouldn't have any control over my life..."

Izzy's gaze bore into T.K. but no sound came from him. In return, the blond swallowed another lump in his throat. "I was going to tell you guys, but I wanted to tell Matt first...He is my brother after all..."

Patamon flapped in front of T.K. at this point, presumably sensing the tension. "T.K. was scared, Izzy. That's why he didn't tell anyone...He was even afraid to tell me! And I'm his partner! And so, I'm warning you, Tentomon, you're our friends, but if Izzy ever tries to hurt T.K. because he likes Ephram, then I will protect him. I gave him my word!"

Izzy cocked his head to the side, seeming a little taken aback by Patamon's definitive statement. But even so, it was Tentomon who spoke, not his Digidestined, "Now why would Izzy want to hurt T.K.? What's the big deal? Are you feeling okay, Patamon?"

"Izzy...Can you just say something? I would rather you insult me, and leave. But don't just stand there, silent-that's worse then anything else you could do." T.K. felt scarlet fires ignite his cheeks, melting the glacial barricades keeping his oceans calm.

As the first tears fell down his face, T.K. watched as his friend blanched. "T.K.! Don't...Don't do that! I don't have any issues with you being gay-in fact, my opinion of you has been strengthened! The only reason I was quiet was because I was thinking about...well, nevermind."

"Izzy," Tentomon spoke as T.K. exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in with dear life, "T.K. just told you a huge secret, I think the least you can do is repay him by telling him what you were thinking..."

"Yeah!" Patamon said landing on T.K.'s head as the blond wiped his eyes, with a smile. 

"Besides," T.K. looked at Izzy who appeared to be growing more and more uncomfortable now that the attention was turned onto him, " I think they want to know what you were concentrating so intensely on, just as much as I do..."

Izzy's right hand shot up to his hair and he started blushing madly, "I, uh, well, it's kind of funny-but I mean not funny as in a 'Oh you're gay? So now I can make a joke at your expense because we're friends' kind of way, because that's would be just awful. But more like in the 'Well, this is ironic-but in a good way-because maybe we can both benefit from me knowing your secret' kind of way--albeit, now that I say it out loud, that makes it sound like I'm using you, but that's not at all the case, I assure you, it's jus-"

"Izzy! Spit it out!" T.K. couldn't help but laugh. His companion was wasting his breath trying to right a wrong he hadn't even committed yet. "Besides I trust you!"

 Izzy turned a bright red, and relaxed. As his hand dropped from his hair, he exhaled. "I'm grateful...You see, I was so silent because I wasn't sure if-now that you told me you were gay out loud-I wasn't sure if when I asked you to go shopping for clothes with me today it would be insulting. Not all gay guys like shopping, right? I mean statistically that cannot be possible-"

"Izzy, what do you mean 'out loud?'" Tentomon asked, buzzing closer to his partner. Izzy visibly gulped before his bug friend continued, "Did you somehow know?"

T.K. looked at Izzy's face-it had just recovered from the rose onslaught, settling on a faint pink, before flaring into an inferno once more-and grew a little worried. "No way. There is no way you knew this big of a secret about me out of pure chance! Tell me I'm right, Izzy?"

Again, Izzy looked away. He took a deep breath, but didn't immediately return T.K.'s stare, "Look, there is no need to worry. No one knows anything for sure, it's just-"

"It's just what, Izzy?!" T.K.'s octave even made himself jump a little.

"Davis has had some suspicions but-"

"What...?" T.K. dropped to a seated position on his bed, and took a moment to watch as the Digital Companions took to conversing among themselves-Patamon appearing to explain to Tentomon how Izzy could have negatively reacted. 

After T.K collected his thoughts, he looked at Izzy and sighed, "What kind of suspicions?"

Izzy looked at T.K. and formed a half-smile that helped a little to ease the blond's mind, "Nothing of much weight. Half of the people who have ever met him think he's brainless and reckless-which he is-so when he started talking about how he thinks you 'liked dudes' because there was 'no other reason why you would deny Kari's beauty,' most just thought he was just talking nonsense."

T.K. caught Izzy's eyes, "Most?"

"Yeah...Most. I shrugged it off-it wasn't any of my business-but Sora approached me and asked if I thought that Davis's theory could hold any truth at all. She was actually the one who got me to thinking: You have always been close with Kari, but never really a shy person, per se; You have also always been very, very fashionable-but she and I both are wary to clump you into stereotypes; But mostly, you've always been so in-touch with your emotions...which I suppose is why she realized that, as of recently, you have been pulling away from the group and just keeping to yourself more."

"Damn...So Sora called it then?" T.K. shook his head, and stood up. 

"What did you expect? She's very in-touch with her maternal instinct and she thought you were hurting...Hey, T.K. she wasn't right about that was she? You aren't...hurting because of this secret are you? Because if you are, I am here for you. Patamon and Tentomon are here for you too. And Sora would definitely still be here for you, if you told her. So don't ever think-" 

"Izzy!" T.K. put his hand on his companion's shoulder. "I understand your concern; I get that sometimes people who are struggling to come out to those they care about go through hell, but I am not in that group. I count my blessings that it is not so strenuous on me, but I get where you are coming from. You don't need to worry! I am okay. And I will continue to be okay, even if not everybody is as great at taking the news as you are..."

"You mean Matt...? When are you going to tell him, T.K.? Did you want to tell the other's first? Maybe you could start with Sora? Or Davis? Maybe Kari-"

"Enough about my choice of bed mates, Izzy! I doubt you care that much." He grabs the handle his bedroom door, and Patamon is in flight next to him as he turned to face his friend. T.K. throws his friend a wink before continuing to open the door, "I will be out to everyone soon enough...Besides, you came here to shop. Not to play therapist for me. Ever the kind to get too wrapped up in thoughts."

"Do you know me at all?" Izzy laughed, respecting T.K.'s decision to let it go. He laughed his whole way out the door, Tentomon following suit, questioning his partner as to what was so amusing. 

"One down," T.K. smiled to himself, closing his bedroom door behind himself and Patamon.

 Yet only the entire world to go...Hopefully everyone else is as understanding Izzy...