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3 » breakdown

perrie

I'm doing my job. I'm doing what makes me happy, I think to myself as we sing on the stage in front of thousands of fans.

But the other voices in my head are speaking too, If this is what makes you happy, why aren't you putting all of you into it? That's probably why you're so bad at it. That's probably why everyone hates you, even your own fans!

More voices are speaking. And they are all speaking over each other. Too many voices. Too much hate. Too much noise. No. I can't handle it. No. Make it stop. Please just make it stop!

I can't take it anymore and I just burst. I burst out crying, covering my face with my hands. The whole arena goes silent as everyone is still in shock at what just happened. I am too.

Leigh-Anne is the first to come next to me. She stands in front of me, hiding me from the crowd and holding me tight. She hugs me as I whimper pathetically.

"Sorry," I croak. My microphone is on the floor. I'm frozen as tears fall down my face, not stopping, not even once.

"It's okay, Pez. Let's go backstage, okay?" Leigh asks soothingly, taking me backstage. Our tour manager catches us on the way, yelling at me for breaking down on stage.

"Twice, Perrie! You broken down on stage twice already! What's wrong with you? Doesn't this career mean anything to you? I can't believe you did this! What are we going to even do about this?! About you?!" The tour manager yells.

No. I want to say. I'm sorry. I want to say. Nothing is wrong. I just couldn't take it. The voices in my head. Yes, I do care about this career. This is all I have. This is my happiness, this is my life. I love this job so much. I want to say. I'm just so sorry. I want to say. But I can't. I open my mouth but there's no sound coming out. Just a whimper. I can't say anything. I keep crying, burying my face into Leigh's shoulder. She keeps moving, taking me to the dressing room.

We finally sit down on the couch after clearing everything off of it. Leigh-Anne pulls me towards, hugging me. I cry and cry and cry. I try to take deep breaths but I sob harder.

Leigh is, of course, being a complete angel and letting me cry. "Just let it out," she says. "Deep breaths, Perrie." She voice calms me as I take deep breaths, and I finally stop crying.

"I'm sorry," I say, finally having my voice back. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay, Perrie," she says with that soft voice of hers. "Things like this happen from time to time."

I nod, silent tears still running down my face. "Did I really disappoint everyone?" I ask, looking down at the floor.

She looks at me with a completely straight face, really looks at me, looking at my eyes, my hair, my nose, my lips, my tear stained cheeks, everywhere. And she smiles. She smiles like she's seen me for the first time. Her lips slowly curving into that smile we've all known to love, her warm smile.

Before I can think about anything more, she envelopes me into a hug, one hand rubbing circles into my back, the other stroking my hair. And I feel so at peace.

I don't know why I had this fit, where all the tears came from, what happened to me... But if there is one thing I know, it's that I feel safe, right here, with my best friend. Leigh-Anne Pinnock.

~*~*~*~

Okay so I've been trying to write this chapter and make it longer but I just couldn't. Also, I know how this chapter probably feels like it doesn't belong but as the story continues, you'll realize that it actually does. And it's a quite crucial chapter too. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, don't forget to vote, comment and share!!