My Safe Haven || camren

Proving Myself

I told Camila that I haven't gotten over her.

I told her that I broke up with him to protect her, for her.

I don't think she believes me.

I now have to go and prove myself to her that I want her and nobody else.

We're back home and we were greeted by our family members at the airport. I didn't want them to see or sense that something weird is going on between Camila and I or let them see traces of my faded scars and what's left with the bruises scattered around my face from him.

Usually when we get home after our tour, Camila's parents always invite our family over but sometimes it changes and my parents does the inviting and this time they did.

I wanted my space from Camila for now to think of ways on how I'm going to prove that I mean what I just said to her in the plane but I guess that has to go and wait for now.

I helped get things ready when we got home for that night's gathering for the two of us before I decided to go and get some needed rest so that I will be able to function later on that night.

I got up when the time for them to arrive approaches and dreadfully dragged my almost dead body to get ready.

When I got downstairs I was greeted by our families greeting each other with huge smiles plastered on their faces.

Camila looked in my direction when I entered the kitchen, I smiled at her but she quickly averted her gaze and immediately listened to her younger sister talk about something on her phone.

"Hi." I greeted Camila's parents and gave them a hug.

"Hey Sofi!" I waved at the young adolescent sitting on the kitchen stool.

"Hey Lauren!" She waved back and quickly got up and ran to my direction to give me a hug.

"How's school going for you?" I asked the young girl.

"It's still the same, a lot of assignments and everyone's just freaking out about the dance that's coming up." She informed me.

"Just keep up the good work and hope you have fun at your dance." I shared a smile and looked at her older sibling.

I caught Camila watching her sister interact with me, even though she tried to avert her gaze as fast as she could.

"Tell me more later, okay?" I shifted my attention back to Sofi.

"Alright." She smiled and walked off to talk to my brother and sister instead.

I walked towards Camila's direction, pretending that I need something from the refrigerator.

"So..." I started when I reached her.

"Not now Lauren." She spoke.

"Camila, I mean what I said, why can't you just let me prove that to you?" I asked but keeping the noise level to only the two of us.

"Because we've been here before." She stated firmly and looked in my direction. "You'll say something like that and then put my hopes up once again only to leave me hanging on the edge over and over again." She then added.

"I really do mean it this time." I defended myself.

"No you don't Lauren, you're just lonely and want someone to pick up the pieces for you." She sighed and stood up from the stool, "the pieces that he left for you to pick up and put back together." She said before leaving.

Did she really just say that?

Why would she say that?

For the entirety of the dinner, Camila has managed to avoid me.

I kept on looking at her direction hoping that maybe she would look in mine too but she didn't.

Not even once.

Nothing.

She happily talked to everyone around the table except for me.

No one didn't even notice that she's on purposely ignoring me.

After dinner my siblings helped around with the dishes as I swiftly got away with it.

Camila was in the backyard, I followed her there.

Thank god she was alone.

She's sitting on the edge of the decking steps and looking out into distance.

I slid the door close to avoid anyone from hearing our conversation and she looked back in my direction.

"I told you I don't want to talk about it." She immediately said.

I took out a cigarette from the pack that I had in the back of my pocket and lit it.

I took in the first lungful of smoke and slowly released it with the air around us.

"You can't keep on avoiding it Camila." I finally spoke as I walk slowly towards her.

"What do you want me to do with it Lauren?" She asked.

"Tell me what I need to do to prove to you that I do mean everything that I said." I informed her as I join her and sat next to her.

"I don't want it Lauren..." She trailed off, "I'm getting tired of it." She then whispered.

I looked at her.

Even though she's not looking at me, I can see that I've broken something in her and I don't know how to fix it.

Her eyes, they're glistening against the moonlight.

"Camila..." I spoke softly, "I want to fix it and I want to fix you." I added.

"I don't know if you can." Her voice shaking a little as she finally looks in my direction.

I can see the build up of tears on the edge of her eyes, she's on the verge of crying.

A single tear then fell and rolled down on her cheek.

I wiped the tear track with the pad of my thumb and put out my cigarette before wrapping my arm around the younger one.

"I'm sorry." I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back comfortingly.

Camila broke down.

And I stayed put, hoping that I'm comforting her enough to know that I care.

I care enough for her.

About her.

Always will.