Stella and the Boxer

Chapter 13

I’m somehow able to push the thought of Jason being in Clemson from my mind as I sit and eat with Allie. I believe it has something to do with my self-talk about how I have Charlie now. I feel like he’ll protect me, somehow, and it makes me wish that he could hear my thoughts. I try to be honest with him, say what is on my mind, but I know that sometimes he thinks I’m just trying to make him feel better when actually, my words are downplayed compared to how much I like him and the person he is. 

“Your hair looks gorgeous, by the way,” Allie says, “I never see it down! Does it naturally curl like that?”

I nod, finishing a bite of my sandwich, “Most of the time, yes. Sometimes it gets a little unruly, but it’s generally agreeable.”

“You’re very lucky,” Allie says, sipping her lemonade through the stripped straw.

After she takes a drink, she smiles knowingly at me. The sun is very close to setting now, so she raises the oversized sunglasses from her eyes and pushes them back into her blonde hair.

“So, did you see that boy last night? The one from the café? I don’t even think I asked you his name.”

“His name is Charlie. Yes, we were together again last night. We are actually going to Charleston together this weekend.”

I speak rather casually, swirling my straw around my glass of cherry coke. I wonder to myself if she’s noticed any swelling in my face, if anyone has. I was half expecting people to comment on it today, but no one has. I am so glad.

“You’re taking a trip together? Already? That’s exciting! Do you feel okay about it though?”

“Completely,” I say it confidently, “I know I’ll be safe with him. I’m excited.”

“I think you can trust your own judgment, then. I’m excited for you! You learn so much about someone when you travel with together. I remember mine and my boyfriend’s first road trip together.” Allie rolls her eyes at the memory, but smiles playfully at the same time.

“Do you want me to work for you Sunday by any chance? Will you still be gone? I’m trying to save as much money as I can for my first few months post-graduation, so I don’t mind to at all!”

“Yes, I’d been meaning to ask. You’re sure you don’t mind?”

Allie shakes her head and we agree to tell Mr. Miller tomorrow – he never minds when people trade shifts or days, so I’m not worried.

Allie and I are both finished eating and she hands me her paper, it is extremely well written. Of course, I find a way to relate every sentence – every word – to Charlie and my relationship with him, because that seems to be all that’s on my mind these days.

When I’m reading about how shame can keep us from the things that we want most, I promise myself that I won’t stop trying to get Charlie to see himself more clearly. I don’t want him to feel ashamed of his past, or his present. I don’t want him hold back, with me or anything else, because he feels like he isn’t good enough, like his past makes him not good enough.

I finish her paper after a few minutes and I have nothing bad to say. I just praise her, handing her paper back with no suggestions for revision.

“I don’t think your teacher will be able to find anything wrong with this one,” I smile at her.

“I wish I could believe that,” She chuckles, placing her paper nicely into her folder and sliding it back into her bag.

We talk for a while longer and finally say goodbye, knowing that we’ll see each other in the morning at work.