Stella and the Boxer

Chapter 24

I take a deep breath before entering my room, anxious to meet the girl I'll be sharing it with for the rest of the year. I finally reach for the knob and swiftly open the door.

The previously vacant side of my room now looks like a brightly colored zoo. A hot pink, zebra print comforter covers the bed, and beside it is a lime green, polka dot rug. Clothes are scattered everywhere, most of them also covered in animal print and sparkles. Two posters hang on the wall over the desk - one of a nearly naked pop star and another with a Marilyn Monroe quote on it.

My previously tranquil room is now very... busy. But I'm still alone.

A hot pink pillow that is edged with black feathers has escaped onto the floor near my desk. I pick it up and carefully place it back onto my new roommate's bed, laughing a bit at how dangerous it is that I've seen this colorful décor before I've actually been acquainted with her. My mind conjures up a thousand tacky images of the girl, and I scold myself for every one.

She could be very sweet, I tell myself, Apparently she's an animal lover.

I laugh again, feeling only a little guilty.

I sit down on my bed and pull out my phone, thinking I may have missed something from Charlie on my way back home. In the same instant that I realize he hasn't called, my door swings open. I look up to find a petite, but very busty girl with tan skin and ultra straight, dark brown hair smiling at me.

"Hi!" She says, closing my - now our - door behind her.

"Hello, I'm Stella. It's nice to meet you. Did you have an okay move? I'm sorry that I wasn't here - I had to work," I say, standing up to shake her hand.

She seems slightly caught off guard by my formality, but I'm not sure how else to greet her.

"My name is Andrea, but you can call me Andy. You're so pretty," she smiles, but also studies my face and figure. She is more natural looking than I pictured her to be, but I still wonder if she is imagining giving me a makeover and shoving me into a leopard print top and bodycon skirt.

"Thank you," I respond, "You're very pretty, too."

I'm not very good at responding to compliments, particularly about my looks. That's what I love about Charlie, he says sweet, original things and I know that he sees beyond -

I stop my own thoughts and focus my attention back to Andy.

"So, where are you from?" I ask, turning and going back to my bed. I pull out my laptop so I can work while we get to know one another.

She follows suit, sitting down at her desk and pulling out a notebook.

"I'm from Atlanta," she says, and I almost laugh. I have to bite my lip to stop myself.

"Where are you from?" she asks, turning around to look at me again from her desk, "Hey, why are you smiling? Do I come off as an Atlanta girl? I've been told that by so many people here," she laughs.

"Oh, I wasn't thinking that, necessarily. One of my friends is just in Atlanta right now - it's just ironic."

"By friend, do you mean boyfriend?" She asks curiously.

"No - kind of - but no," I bite my lip and look down at my computer screen.

"I understand," she giggles, "Relationships are too complicated. I refuse to actually date anyone until I'm thirty."

"You'll have to let me know if it's any less complicated then," I smile, now beginning to type.

"When will he be back?" She asks, and now she turns back towards her desk, opening her notebook.

"Tomorrow or Wednesday, he says. He's a boxer and he's gone to work with a specific trainer who owns a gym there," I go ahead and answer the impending question.

"Wow. That's pretty hot that he's a boxer."

I look up from my computer at her, but her back is still turned, "Yeah, he's very hot," and then I chuckle.

It's sad that most girls would find it "hot" that Charlie fights - especially given the fact that he is already so attractive. Yet, he's with me - well, I want him to be anyway - and I've made him feel bad about it.

"So did he leave while you guys were in a fight then?"

"Yes, pretty much. I was mad, now he is mad at me for being mad. I handled it the worst. I think I'm to blame."

"I find that, with guys, there's really nothing that a good blow job can't fix," Andy speaks with no irony. I burst into laughter.

She laughs too, and I somehow feel better. I've been taking this so seriously, but fighting is normal. Charlie and I have had it easy, and once he forgives me, I won't make the same mistake again. I just hope he doesn't try to stay away for too long, because I miss him so much already.

Andy and I both work on homework then, agreeing that we have too much to do over the next two weeks. We keep talking though, as we labor and study. She is a business major - basically undecided, she says. Her mother and father are both the corporate types, but she says that her entire family - she has two brothers and two sisters, as well - are all loud and entertaining. She wants to move back to Atlanta after school, but says that South Carolina has been a nice change, and she likes Clemson.

We are very different, but I can tell that we'll get along just fine. She is carefree and good humored, making her perfect company for me right now.

Around ten, I am just finishing up the first of my two papers that are due this week, when my phone rings. I've been texting my parents all day (I haven't mentioned my fight with Charlie), so I know that it's not them. I reach for my phone, which has been buried beneath one of my pillows, and I am elated to see Charlie's name on the screen.

"Hi!" I make no effort to hide my excitement.

"Hi. I just wanted to make sure that you're safe. Are you going to sleep?" Charlie's voice sounds tired.

"I'm in bed, yes. I'll probably be up a while longer working on homework, unfortunately. I got a new roommate today! She's really sweet."

Andy yells "hi" from her bed where she now sits on her laptop, and I giggle before continuing, "How was your day?"

"It was fine. I'm going to sleep now. Good luck with your homework, ba -" Charlie stops himself before he can call me baby. I sigh and tell him goodnight before hanging up the phone.

Andy doesn't ask about the call, and we both work in silence for a couple more hours, before going sleep.

I sleep restlessly again, waking up twice before my alarm finally goes off at seven. I jump to turn it off, since I have someone else to worry about waking up now. I get ready quietly, turning only my desk light on to put my makeup on. Andy says that she likes to sleep in - a self-proclaimed lazy-ass. I envy her a bit as I gather my bag and a jacket, and leave to face the cold, morning air.

I haven't walked to my morning class in a long time.



Andy's last class doesn't end until six, and she asks me to meet her for dinner. The conversation already flows so naturally between us - and I'm happy that she doesn't ask about Charlie.

"I'm so tired," I complain as we walk back to our room, "and it's only going to get worse over the next two weeks."

"Agreed. But you know what? I'm still going to go out tonight. You should come with me, to celebrate our new friendship and roomie-hood."

"On a Monday?" I question.

"Monday fun-day," She announces proudly, "One of my guy friends invited me to meet him at my favorite bar. It's always a blast, and they never card. Come!" She pleads.

"Oh, I probably won't tonight. Maybe I'll tag along soon though," she pouts, but seems to understand.

She starts getting ready immediately when we get back to our room, and I call my parents. The conversation is short, and I sort of hint to them that I'll be with Charlie later tonight, so they don't pick up that something's wrong. Luckily, Andy doesn't seem to notice my lie.

He hasn't called or texted all day again. I'm starting to feel like I may want to go out. I have things that I should do, yes. But I've been either studying or in class all day, and I don't want to think anymore. That's all I'll do if I'm alone tonight. I'll think about him.

"Hey, is it alright if I've changed my mind?" I ask Andy, and she smiles widely.

"You want to come out? Yay! We'll have so much fun! You can forget all about the boxer."

I smile, barely, "Great."

I touch up my curls, leaving my hair down as per usual. I reapply makeup, making my eyes smokier and darker. I don't know if I'm trying to punish myself, but I choose to wear the black chiffon, off-shoulder dress that I bought and wore in Charleston.

I debate whether or not to leave on my necklace. I love wearing it, having something that he's worn on me at all times. I would hate to lose it, though, and things are notoriously lost when alcohol is involved.

I slip it off and put it somewhere safe, and then go on to deciding what shoes to wear. I try on a pair of simple, black heels. They are too tall, and I immediately decide that I'm going with my boots.

"Damn. If my legs looked that long in heels, I would wear them to bed," Andy says, noticing my outfit, "Actually, I have worn heels to bed before, but those are stories for later," she laughs.

"I was just about to change, actually. I'm not very coordinated if I've had something to drink," I confess.

"No, don't change! I'd say it's worth the risk. You look amazing."

"Thank you," I say, playing with the hem on my dress. I don't really know whom it is that I need to look amazing for, but I decide to take her advice, knowing full well that I'll regret it later in the night.

It's nearly nine now, and Andy says we should probably be going downstairs soon. I grab a small clutch and pack lip-gloss, my debit card, and room key into it. I'm just about to grab my phone when it starts to ring.

Charlie is calling.

"Hello," I answer.

"Hi," He says, sounding a little less tired than yesterday, "How was your day?"

This is progress, I think.

"It was good. I miss you. How was yours?"

"Mine was...it was okay. Are you going to bed soon?"

"Um -" I pause when I notice Andy grab her bag and wave me towards the door, "No. I'm actually going out right now with my roommate," I say into the phone, hoping that he doesn't assume I'm heading to a bar to spite him.

"Going out where?" He questions, in a tone more worried than adamant. I am following Andy down the hall now, to the stairs. I don't want to end the conversation with Charlie, but I don't want to be rude to Andy and our ride.

"We - We're going to a bar. Hey, our ride is here, though. Do you mind if I text you?" I try to sound as nice as possible, because I don't want him to feel like I'm blowing him off.

"You don't need to text me," He says quickly. I can tell I've ruined any more potential progress for tonight. "Will you just call me when you get home?"

"Yeah, of course."

I debate whether or not to say I love you for a second, but then I realize that he's already hung up.

After Andy introduces me to everyone in the car, and I thank them for the ride, I text Charlie.

If you wanted to talk, I can find a quiet place and call.

He responds, saying not to worry about it, but to call when I'm home safe.

The bar is comfortably busy. Most everyone in the car, besides the driver, is already drunk when we arrive, and Andy insists that we play catch up, ordering us both tequila shots only minutes after arriving.

"I've only shot tequila once," I confess over the loud music, "It wasn't good."

I shake my head and Andy laughs.

"You're a big girl now, Stella. Just do one with me, then you can drink whatever you want."

The bartender hands us our shots with lime and salt, and Andy gestures for a cheers, "To new roommates!"

"To new roommates," I repeat, smiling.

The first tequila of the night is a bad as I remember. The second is worse. Then, when I have my third shot, I suddenly don't hate it so much.

I decide not to have a fourth though, but I keep drinking. I order a Long Island iced tea and continue to talk to two of Andy's friends, Joe and Corbin. Both of them are nice, and cute, but they're not Charlie. Andy seems interested in one of the boys that we've come with, and they've been dancing. Andy likes to dance. She is pretty entertaining to watch, actually.

Judging by our group tonight, Andy must hang out mostly with boys. Joe and Corbin get flirtier with every shot that they have, but I don't think much of it until Joe puts his hand on my knee and tells me that he has the keys to his friend's car.

"Woah," I say, standing up from the bar stool where I sat, "I have a boyfriend-ish," I say, giggling and backing away.

Corbin punches Joe's arm lightly, "Look what you did, man," and they both laugh, too. I roll my eyes, still smiling, and turn around. Our conversation was getting boring anyway. I roam the bar, looking for Andy or any of her other friends. I must've missed her when she left the dance floor - hopefully she is still in the bar.

"Stella?" I hear someone say over the music. The voice is vaguely familiar, but I don't recognize it until I turn around.

"Justin!" I say excitedly, and I wrap my arms around his neck. He is as surprised as I am by my embrace. He is nice, but I don't know him well at all, and I'm not really a "hugger."

He laughs as we pull away, "What are you doing here?" he asks, "Is Charlie with you?"

I'm glad he's remembered Charlie, because that means he wont touch my leg or try to coax me into a motor vehicle for any questionable reason.

"No," I slump my shoulders, "He is in Atlanta and hates me right now."

Justin chuckles, "No. I'm sure that's not true. Who'd you come here with, then?"

"My friend Andy. She's my new roommate,"

"Andy? Dark hair, tan, short?" Justin questions.

"That's her! You know her? Have you seen her?" I ask, looking around the bar.

"Yeah. She left with one of my buddies about fifteen minutes ago. Do you need a ride home? You seem pretty - " Justin raises his eyebrows at me, in an innocently judgmental way.

"Drunk?" I ask.

"Yes," he laughs, "I'm sober, and I know that you already have a boyfriend. I think that makes me the perfect candidate to take you home," He smiles and raises his car keys.

I grab his arm, and immediately start to lead him towards the door, "And I think I'm the perfect excuse for you to leave and be sober in a more conducive environment."

We make our way through the bar and I reconsider what I've just told him, "By conducive environment, I mean your car. I wasn't suggesting that you come back to my room by any means."

He laughs as we exit onto the sidewalk, "I know, Stella. I don't really hear big words and assume that a girl is trying to sleep with me."

I blush and giggle.

When we get in Justin's car, he turns the heater on and tries to talk to me about philosophy, but I have a difficult time carrying on a normal conversation. He laughs at me more than he actually talks, I think.

"Is that your phone buzzing?" He asks, "I keep hearing something."

"Oh, it probably is, my ears are still ringing from that loud music. I can't hear anything."

I pull out my phone and realize that it has been buzzing, and I've missed seven calls from Charlie.

"Shit," I say quietly, "I didn't know it was already almost two! I felt like I was only in the bar for an hour or two."

Justin looks concerned, but I ignore him and redial Charlie's number.

"Stella?" He answers on the second ring, "I've been worried about you. Are you okay?"

"Yes," I state, "My roommate kind of left me at the bar, but I found my friend from philosophy, and he's driving me home now."

I smile towards Justin before I realize what I've just told Charlie.

"He?" he questions, "I've been away from you for three days and you're already out with another guy at two in the morning?"

"Please, don't think... you're already angry enough with me," I say covering my face with my free hand, "He's honestly just driving me back to my room."

"Where are you now?" He asks, his voice still angry and stern.

I look out of the car window, "We're just pulling into campus. I'll be back to my dorm in five minutes."

He sighs, "Will you just call me back then, please? I'm sorry. Tell your friend 'thank you,' for getting you home safely. I should be the one doing that."

"I will. Talk to you soon," I say, and then I accidently hiccup into the phone.

Charlie laughs lightly, "Talk to you soon, baby."

I'm so relieved when he says it.

As Justin pulls up to the dorm and stops to let me out, I slip out of my heels.

"Do you think it's gross if I walk in barefoot? I don't like heels. I will probably trip on the stairs if I try to wear them."

Justin laughs, "I think you should go barefoot then."

"Thank you so much for bringing me home. Charlie says thank you, too."

"Tell Charlie no problem. I'll see you later. Will you be okay, getting up to your room?"

"Yes," I open the car door and clumsily climb out, "I'll be fine. Thanks again!"

I don't wait long to call Charlie. The second that I'm in the building, I dial his number.

"Hi, Stella."

"Did you mean it when you say I would be right to doubt us?" I ask blatantly, "I don't think about not being with you because of our separate futures. I hate that you think that," I start up the stairs, wobbling a bit, even though I'm barefoot.

"I meant it, but I said it in a harsher way than I think it. I feel like you doubt me being enough for you. I doubt myself being enough for you. You are in school and while yes, your future may change, you are opening yourself up to so many options by being at Clemson. I box and I train people sometimes, but I don't know what I'll do beyond that."

"Lots of people are trainers for their whole life - Mark is,"

"Mark isn't married to someone who wants to get a doctorate in psychology. Casey is amazing - I would never downgrade all that she does as a wife and mother. I'll downgrade myself, though, and say that you're too good for me."

I trip a little on the stair and Charlie hears me fumble.

"Are you okay? What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to walk up the stairs and it's hard. Please don't say that,"

"Don't say what? Be careful, please,"

"That I'm too good for you," my voice breaks, and I realize that I'm starting to cry.

Charlie notices, too, "Baby, what's wrong?"

I finally reach my floor, but I stop before exiting the stairwell. I lean my back against the wall by the door and look up, trying to keep my own tears from falling.

"Do I make you feel that way? If I do - I'm failing you, and you shouldn't be with me. You're good in every way that a person should be. You're kind and patient and careful, and you are strong for people who aren't. I love you, and I'm not too good, but I hope I am good for you. You're good for me."

I'm not crying anymore; I feel much better. I'm so happy with what I've just told him, because all of it is true, and maybe he'll believe it now.

Before he can respond, I add, "I know I shouldn't have prodded - I shouldn't even have been in your office. I just want you to be able to talk to me about anything, and know that I see potential where you see only your shortcomings. But really, I don't care what it is you do today or in twenty years, I just want to be with you."

I forgive myself as I say it, for being a bitch and leaving him alone on Friday. I hope he can forgive me, too.

"I love you so much, Stella. I'm sorry that I haven't been speaking to you. I had too much time to think after you left on Friday, and I decided that I should give you the chance to really leave me. I said horrible things to you, and I'm sorry. I was stressed out about other things and I took it out on you, because I got scared. It scares me to think about not being enough for you. It's not your fault that I feel that way, though. You're just so important to me. I love you."

I had left the stairwell, starting down the hallway while Charlie spoke.

"It's okay, Charlie. I just want to be us again - Oh no."

I approach my door and wish, even more than before, that Charlie was home and we were together - at his house.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I know now why Andy had roommate problems," I whisper into the phone.

"Because she's rude and leaves people at bars with no way to get home?" Charlie asks satirically.

"No - well, maybe. There is a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my door handle,"

Charlie laughs, "Just go inside, baby. It was your room first."

I ignore him because there is no way I'm going to barge in. I take the sign in my hand, "It's like a legitimate one - from a hotel," I whisper, surprised, "She must get good use out of this - if she put in the effort to steal it."

He laughs again through the phone, "It doesn't matter much how many times she uses it. I'm coming home tomorrow, and you can stay with me again. I've missed you so much."

I smile, "This is from a hotel in Atlanta, Charlie. It's too bad I'm not with you, huh? We could be making use of yours."

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