Stella and the Boxer

Chapter 43

I realize all at once then why Charlie has brought me to the city. The secretive calls, wanting to show me what his uncle has built in the city, allowing me to see his sketches – he is showing me his future in possibly the only way I would ever see it.

“I don’t think anyone could really feel lonely here.”

“I think someone could,” He’d said.  

Charlie would leave Clemson, would move to New York to work for his uncle. He already said that the Isaacs were considering moving, what else would keep him in Clemson? There would be no one to train him and, once he is employed by his uncle, he won’t need to box or train anyone else again.

Of course, this is what I’ve wanted for him since the moment that I’d stepped foot into his office against his wishes. I’d wanted him to see his own potential and to know that, while boxing is a perfectly alright career, he need not feel unworthy of another dream.

And I love him. I wanted him to know that, too – and that I will love him, no matter where he ends up, who he becomes. I can stand to be away from Charlie for the sake of him doing what he loves.

But as we walk through building after building of clean glass and shiny, marble floors and high ceilings and tens of stories, I wonder to myself how much my feelings for him will matter once this is his world.

There will be so much distance between us. Charlie won’t want to leave the city to visit me in a sleepy college town. I don’t have enough money to travel to see him often. Then, there’s time – I have three more years of undergraduate studies, and I haven’t even begun to think about where I’ll go for grad school. I’ll be a full time student for many more years, and I already felt like I was behind Charlie, with him working and owning his own home. To compensate, I had the fact that I was working towards something, and that neither of us were doing what we planned to do when we were much older. Charlie wouldn’t box forever, he had said that the job was somewhat temporary, and I wouldn’t be a student forever, either – I didn’t feel so behind. But how quickly will he advance at his uncles company, I don’t know. If he has a high paying, stable job in a huge city, being in a relationship with a college girl from South Carolina will hardly sound appealing. What’s more, the relationship will be a burden – I’ll have nothing to offer him.

Once Charlie’s sketches become structures and he has something solid to remind him of how brilliant he is, he won’t need me anymore.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry? We haven’t eaten all day and it’s nearly two.”

Charlie looks back at me as we start out of the eighth building on our mini-tour. He’d saved the tallest for last, he said, and the building had an amazing view of the river. It was also very close to his uncle’s new office buildings, which were still under construction.

“I’m still not very hungry, but we can stop, if you are.”

He walks ahead of me to hold the door, and I notice him shove his hand through the top of his curly hair and look back at me with a frown.

“I think we should stop. If not now, after I take you by the offices,” he says.

He takes my hand and continues to glance worriedly at me in a familiar way. “I don’t understand how you’re not hungry. Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes, Charlie,” I laugh a little, “I’ll eat, if you want to stop.” I appease him, knowing exactly why I’m not hungry. It’s my realization of Charlie’s intentions that’s caused me to lose my appetite.

“Do you know what you’d like? Something light maybe? If you’re not feeling well, we could get soup. Or maybe you don’t want something hot –”