Stella and the Boxer

Chapter 22

I go straight to Dr. Keller’s upon arriving in Clemson. I wish, of course, that I could see Charlie first, but I do enjoy my job here. Dr. Keller even has some spare time today to speak with me about her own career, and what I’m hoping to do after I complete my undergraduate studies. She offers good advice, and tells me that I can always go to her with questions, or whenever I am in need of a recommendation.

Dr. Keller is a lot like how you might expect a psychologist to be. She is a careful listener, and doesn’t have to say much to get her point across, or to make you think more. She is soft spoken, too, but not discrete, necessarily. She is smart, and a bit intimidating – cold even, at first – but she has a necessary trustworthiness about her, and clearly honest intentions.

Dylan arrives earlier than usual for her appointment. She smiles and sits on the small couch across from my desk and asks how my holiday was.

“It was nice. It’s the first time I’ve been home since moving here in August. How was your Thanksgiving?”

“It was okay, I guess,” She pauses, looking down at her lap and pursing her lips. Her wavy, light brown hair is covering part of her face in its downcast state, but I can still make out the hint of a frown on her face.

“Was it harder to be around your family, after they all found out?” She looks up, flicking her hair from her eyes, “I mean, it’s so noticeable when they treat you differently, you know? My cousins, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, even – they all treat me like I’m a piece of glass now. I hate it.”

“I remember that feeling. I don’t know how much it can be helped. You can’t control other people’s reactions to you, or to the things that have happened to you. Time will help them forget more quickly than you can though, that I know.”

She nods, “It’s hard to feel okay when people treat you like you’re fragile.”

I think a while before I say anything.

“I agree with you. It’s natural though, to treat the people we love like they’re precious, even when we know they’re strong. Your family may be extra cautious with you now, but you’re probably more conscious of it, too. Whether you like it or not, something has happened that has changed your life – and it’s changed theirs as well. You’re all just learning how to move on together. Like so many things, it’s simple and complicated.”

“That’s true,” she smiles.

We talk about lighter details then, until Dr. Keller collects her for her appointment.

After Dylan is gone, I apply what we’ve just talked about to my relationship with Charlie.

I realize that I am sometimes stubbornly against him babying me, because I feel like he wouldn’t if he didn’t know my past – though he insists otherwise. I also realize that I treat him like glass, when I talk about the future. I try to hard not to upset him, not to say the wrong thing about his profession, and how he doesn’t attend school – I wonder if he’s caught on.

It doesn’t change the fact that I wouldn’t ever want to say anything to hurt him, of course; but we should be able to be wholly honest with one another. I should take my own advice and not hold back so much about the matter, or treat him differently because of a choice that he’s made.

I hurry out of Dr. Keller’s office at seven and drive straight to Charlie’s. I have plenty of clean clothes thanks to my mom, and luckily, I have everything that I need for class tomorrow, so a trip to my dorm room is unnecessary.

Charlie insisted that I keep his house key, but I don’t need it tonight. I am still standing at the back, passenger side door with my head buried inside, trying to collect my bags when I feel his body press against mine, his strong arms wrapping around my waist.