Like The Finest Poetry On Concrete.

And Without You, I'm Hopeless.

"Yay! We're home!" I yelled, crashing down on the couch. Manny kicked me.

"Get up, we're leaving," she said. I groaned. "We're going to see Kuza."

I slowly pushed myself off of the couch and slouched as we walked down to Manny's car.

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I kicked, punched, pounded and did anything else you could think off to make noise at Kuza's door.

"Kuza!!" I called in a yelling sing-song voice. "Are you home?! I know you're home! Open the door Kuza! Kuza! KUZA!" Manny was behind me, laughing. I coninued to hit his door. "MICHAEL KUZA! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW BEFORE I OPEN IT AND KICK YOUR SCRONNY-" All the sudden the door flung open and Kuza was laughing. "That's what I thought."

"You're loud," he said, laughing as I gave him a hug.

I giggled. "I'm aware of this."

 "About time your asses came back from California, I missed you," he said, hugging Manny.

We all settled on Kuza's couch and I watched his dog act like Speed Racer while Manny and Kuza talked. The dog ended up jumping on me and laying down, I thought I was gonna die. He was soo heavy.

"Hey, get down!" Kuza said sternly, snapping. The poor dog walked away sulking. It was so cute. Kuza, unfortunitely, decided I needed to talk about a certain guy I didn't want to talk about. "You talked to Chris?"

"Nope, not in over a month," I said, playing with my thumbnail. "He pissed me off."

"Isn't he coming home today?" He asked. I shrugged. Kuza grabbed his phone and started tapping things. After a few moments he nodded. "He's coming home today. He says he misses you..."

I frowned. I missed him too, way more than I normally did.

"What exactly happened with you anyways?" Kuza asked.

"He called me a whore!" I said, getting all worked up. Manny snickered and grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels. "Fuck off Manny."

"Why did he call you a whore?" Kuza asked, a little taken back.

"Because I was going to hang out with TJ," I said truthfully. "And we were kind of arguing."

Kuza shook his head. "You shouldn't take that to heart. You know when Chris gets mad there's no filter, he just says the first thing that comes to mind and then he can't take it back."

"It's not the first time he's said it though," I tried to argue.

"Yeah, but everytime he says it, he's pissed off," Manny said. Why do I tell her everything?

"Sometimes people say what they think when they're angry though," Kuza said, looking at Manny then back at me. My jaw dropped. "That's not what I meant. Chris wouldn't be with you if he thought that."

I frowned again and tried to change the subject. Kuza and I started talking about his band for a while, over an hour, at least. We all got into a deep conversation about a sorted amount of things and before I knew it four hours had passed.

Then, Mannyy continue to flip through the channels and we watched until she stopped on the news. "Why are you stopping on the news?"

"Look," she said as the news reporter lady started talking.

"A plane crashed half an hour ago on it's way to Pennsylvania from the UK. We are unsure if any survivors were found.."she said and I zoned out.

No. No no no no no no.. I kept thinking in my head. Please tell me that wasn't his plane. Kuza looked over at me.

"Kari," he started.

"What if that was his plane?" I asked, and I felt like my chest was closing in.

"It probably wasn't," he said, trying to reasure me.

"But it could've been," I said, my hands started shaking.

"Please calm down, you don't know that," he said. "Don't overreact."

"Overreact?!" I shouted, standing up. "My boyfriend could be dead right now Kuza. He could be gone, and I'll never be able to see him again."

"Kari, chill," Manny said.

"No!" I shouted. "I will not chill." Before I knew it, Kuza was wrapping his arms around me in that nurturing way and I felt tears build up in my eyes. "What if he's gone?"

"Don't think like that," he said soothingly, letting me bury my face in his chest. "He's fine."

"But what if he's not? He could be hurt, or lost, or..." My voice shaky.

"Please don't say that," he said, his voice was as shaky as mine.

I whimpered. "I didn't even get to say I love him."

Kuza comforted me until I didn't want to be held anymore.

"Can I go home?" I asked Manny.

"Do you want me to go with you?" She asked, grabbing her keys. I shook my head.

"Just call me if you find anything out."

She nodded and handed me her keys. I started back to Scranton as tears ran down my face.

Why hadn't I just sucked up my pride and talked to him? Told him I am sorry? Told him that he means the world to me? Told him exactly how I feel about him? Told him that I love him?

What if he was on that plane? I'll never get to touch him again, never get to hold him again, make love to him again, kiss him again...

I was blubbering like a baby by the time I got into Scranton. I stopped home, but only for a few minutes. I needed to go somewhere else. I grabbed my keys and set out on foot. During the walk I somehow managed to calm myself down enough to stop crying.

I slowly walked up the driveway in front of his house, dreeping closer and closer to the door. I looked through my keys and found the spare one he had given me. I unlocked it and walked in slowly, locking it behind me.

The house had so many memories for Chris and I. If the walls could talk they'd never shut up.

What if there was no more memories to be made? What if his sweet laugh never filled the air? This house seemed so dead without him. It didn't have that safe feeling like it normally did.

I slowly walked up the stairs and into his bedroom. Not too many memories were made in here that didn't involve our sex-capades, but there were some. Like the nights before he would leave for tour and he would just hold me tight. Or when we'd watch scary movies and cuddle and he'd let me bury my face in his chest 'cause I was scared. Or when he thought I was sleeping and he'd kiss the bridge of my nose and whisper I love you...

I looked around and my eyes settled on a picture, the only picture in the room. It sat on top of his dresser, in a simple black frame. It was the one of us kissing that Kuza took when I finally came back from Texas. I grabbed the frame, a smile playing on my lips, and I immediately burst into tears.

I couldn't lose him. There was so much we needed to do and see together. There was so much to be said. I would be lost without him. He was my everything. I slowly sat on the floor and brought my legs up to my chest.

I wasn't sure how long I was crying for, but I knew I was for a long time. Please, whoever the "big guy" is, let him be okay, I prayed. I need him in my life.

I kept praying and praying until I couldn't pray no more. I was beginning to think that it was useless. Maybe he was gone....

That's when I heard the front door open.