Arranged Bonds

Chapter 10: Making Ammends

He's still next to me. Sleeping under my blankets, his scent mixing into them. It's morning now. I can feel his emotions, but they only make me more confused. I can tell he's blocking me out of his mind. There's something he doesn't want me to know. 

I'm almost sorry I bit him, sorry I marked my own mate. I can feel his self hatred. I can feel the small amount of affection he has for me, for my strength.

I leave him in the bed, his hair spread out around him. My heat has ebbed for the time being, but will come back soon if I'm not already pregnant.

"Lily." The name, not mine, falls from his lips as I dress in an oversized sweater and I freeze. I know I am not in his heart, but she is, Lily is. I can feel it in my bones.

I leave quickly, stumbling to the living room, falling over my feet to get to the forest. I haven't shifted in a while and my wolf is begging to get out and explore.

Quinn is sitting on a tree stump, guarding the house from unmated wolves, or so he says. He's surprised to see me. "What are you doing out here? Alpha Nox is going to kill me if he finds you..." He stops when I squint my eyes at him, giving him an evil glare.

"Who's Lily? Is she a pack member?" Quinn looks confused at my question and shakes his head. He doesn't know and I decide that I shouldn't be asking the pack members this question.

I shed my sweater while Quinn is looking away and let my wolf descend. She's eager and my shift is more painful because of it. I can feel my fur like needles, sprouting all over. My bones are  cracking and realigning. I scream near the end as my wolf fully ascends. In this form I don't have to think. I don't have to feel.

Quinn joins me on my run. He shows me around the lands, which I already know pretty well now. I've had a lot of time to myself this past month and he knows this, but continues his tour anyway.

A good hour goes by and I feel a tingling in my mind. It's Blackwood. He's demanding me to come back. I can feel his anger, but in my wolf state I really don't give a shit what he thinks or how he feels. My tongue is dangling from my mouth as I meet Senna at the back door. She has a robe to cover my nakedness. I shift back to my human skin and roll my aching shoulders.

I'm in the kitchen, gorging myself with fruits of all kinds when Blackwood finds me.

"Wrenley." It's the first time he's ever called me by name and now I miss being his little bird.

My bowl of fruit drops to the ground when he grabs my arm in a tight grasp. He's dragging me up the stairs, passing the looks of our very confused pack.

"My fruit..." My voice wavers as he pins me against our bedroom door. Not a soul would dare come down the hall in this moment.

"Forget the fruit Wrenley. Think about what you did to me last night. I don't care if your mind was in a heat crazed delusion or not. You had no right to do that to me against my will." My mouth has fallen open and when I fail to rip my arms from his grip I snarl in his face.

"You mean mark you? Like you did to me on the night of our bonding ceremony? You could have waited. You could have given me the time to know you, but you didn't and then you left me feeling used and shamed! You haven't cared for me like a mate should! You don't share your food with me! You don't do anything but fuck me!" I can feel the tears rushing down my face and wonder if maybe I'm barren, because I can already feel the heat wrapping around my body, crushing me with it's force again.

He's still blocking me out. He's infuriated, though it's more at himself than at me.

He grips my hair and rests his chin against my head, pulling me into his chest to hear his next words. "Little bird, I'm trying."

My body is still burning as he pulls me into our room and onto our bed. He's not as angry now. He's had a few seconds to let my words seep into his mind. He realizes that I'm just as lost in this as him.

"Can we try again? I want to give you something more to try for." I whisper this into his neck, his cooling touch is on me. He's letting me take the lead again, but I don't want it. I want to feel the painful pleasure I've grown accustomed to.

He can feel this desire, but instead of tossing me to my stomach he is laying me on my back. He pauses to look into my eyes as he unties my robe. He's giving me a twisted smile, the first I've seen and I can't help but to smile back. It's hard to stay angry at someone you feel so connected to.

His pants stay on, but his zipper is down and his erect cöck is straining in my direction. His lips are on my nipples, sucking and biting and leaving his mark all over me. He's giving me the affection I crave, pouring his scent into my every nook and cranny, taking mine in as well. His emotions are rushing over me, lust, pain, pleasure, mixing into mine until I don't know which emotions are mine and which are his.

His lips find their way up the side of my neck and I pull them to mine, sighing when they finally meet for the first time. They are soft and supple and his beard abrades my cheeks as his tongue meets mine.

I don't have time to think after that, because he shoves into me in a slow deep thrust and I'm lost to him. He sleeps the afternoon away with me after that and I'm  truly happy for the first time since I arrived.