Arranged Bonds

Chapter 12: Hunger Pains

I don't say anything to Nox about what I saw, but that night, at dinner, I could tell he knew where I'd been, what I'd seen.

It tears a hairline fracture into my heart when he offers a bite of his soup to me first, letting me eat before him. It says a lot of things, but I can tell this wasn't for me, it was for the growing pup in my belly. Still, I don't decline his offer.

It doesn't give me the feeling I thought it would. It doesn't make me feel happy. It doesn't make me feel accepted or cherished. It's showing the pack that he will care for his pregnant wolf, for his growing pup only.

They must know, by the change in his demeanor, that I have wronged him; That I have stepped into a place sacred to him. They don't say a word as they carry on jovially, ignoring the tension in the air.

I'm not overly hungry, but Nox is patiently shoveling more and more food onto my already full plate. He wants his pup to grow strong.

"Eat." It's a snarl whispered into my ear and I stare at him, not touching the buttered buns. "You don't want to starve poor Lillian do you?" I can feel the tears again. His menacing rage is pouring into me, stressing me, but I deserve it.

Beatrix, on the other side of the table, pauses in her conversation with Teagan and looks at us worriedly. "Maybe she should rest..." Her voice isn't as loud, isn't as high pitched as it normally is. This is her doctors voice. Everyone's worried for the pup in my belly, for the future in my belly.

I don't want the pity of the pack whore. My thoughts are angry and disheveled as she stands to make her way towards me. Rose is by my side before she can touch me. "I can take her. You know how she feels about you." It's not said in anger or with intent to hurt, it's just the truth.

"I would rather Beatrix care for her, after all she will be delivering little Lillian." He's trying to hurt me on purpose and all I want to do is rest, so instead of complaining and making a scene I allow Beatrix to lead me to my room. She doesn't say a word as she helps me to bed and gives me a sleeping aid, which I don't take, but she ignores my snub. She tells me to relax and that we should try to get along. She says she'll stay away from my mate and I can smell the truth in her words.

I reign in my hatred of her for now because I know that my pup will need her. Nox was right about that, even if it cut me deep when he voiced it.

---

Nox doesn't sleep with me for the next few days and I notice that I've lost a bit of weight, weight I should be gaining. I'm stressed and I know he is too, especially with the horrid morning sickness that has invaded my system. I've been craving his touch. He hasn't fucked me since the day he learned of my pregnancy. I don't even see him at mealtime now because I can't stand the smell of food. I can't stand to watch others eat while I puke what little I managed to keep down right back up.

Beatrix has been surprisingly helpful in all this, brewing me tea remedies that I refuse to sip until after she takes one first. They only help so much though. My mate is what I really need. I know his touch could curb this sickness. I know it could make me stronger, help me gain back what I've lost and more.

I will be a month along tomorrow, but I can already see a small protrusion beginning to form. At least I can be happy that I will have this pup to love and nurture. I smile to myself as I rub my stomach, but then my moment is ruined as Blackwood walks into the room. I'm lounging across the large sofa in our room, ignoring him.

He has a small packet of saltines in his grip. No matter how he feels about me, he can't fight his nature. He still feels the need to care for me. To make sure I'm eating. He's been leaving them for me on my nightstand every morning and night, carefully avoiding the times I'm actually in the room.

"Wren." My name said with pure conviction. We've finally run into each other. It's hard, when you are living in the same house.

"Don't." My plea. I can't have him near me when all I want is his touch and I can't tell if I want it for myself or if the little life inside me is making me feel this way. I don't even try to search his mind, it's always blocked.

He's kneeling before me now. I can feel the tendrils of his being softly sweeping around inside my head. his head is in my lap now and I sit the book I wasn't really reading to the side. His arms start a slow dissent, fingers roaming around my unshaved calves. I'm shivering in this confusing delight, warring with myself.

When his fingers start to glide around my waist, holding me to him, it's like he's begging me for something. This is his plea.

"This is my fault too." He admits. It feels good for some of the blame to be placed on him. "I talked to Beatrix." His head is resting closer to my stomach now. He breathes in our scent, the scent of his pup and mate mixed into something new and unfamiliar to him.

I don't touch him, though I'm aching to. My hunger for him this past week has become insatiable. It almost scares me how the few touches he is granting me in this moment has filled the emptiness in my belly. I'm starting to feel full for the first time in what seems like forever.

He doesn't say anything else and I don't want this moment to end. "What did she say?"

"That you're losing too much weight. That the first few months are the most critical. That it's my fault you can't keep anything down." His self hatred is devouring him.

I don't tell him it's not his fault, because in a way it is.

"I can't give you what you want right now." I know he's talking about Lillian. I try to ignore the pang in my heart.

I know that she is a very sore subject for him. The wedge that has been hammered between us this past week is proof of that, so I let it go for now.

He can feel that I will drop the subject for now. "Can you eat these?" He's trying to feed me again, but this time it's from his hand. My wolf is ecstatic to have our male caring for us in the flesh again, and I let him give me bite after bite until they are gone and I'm still hungry. I'm hungry for his touch, his lips, his bites.

The smell of my lust is wafting around me like a cloud and I can tell when his nostrils finally catch a whiff. They flare and his eyes finally look into mine.

I'm not thinking anymore as his touch runs up my sweater. He's still on his knees before me and he's tearing at my sweater with his claws to get it away from my skin. I'm not wearing a bra and his eyes are gleaming at that fact. His hands are pinching and smoothing my nipples. His lips have found purchase on my thigh, nibbling at the delicate white flesh there, leaving bright red hickeys as I surrender myself to him.

My skirt is bunched around my waist as he grabs my ass and pulls me to the edge of the couch in one swift motion. His nose is burrowed into my püssy, taking in the scent of my arousal straight from the source.

"Please...." I'm moaning and gyrating my hips, my hands in his hair. He's never done this for me before, but I can tell he wants this just as much as me. I can feel his desire rolling into me over and over as he starts to lick and tease my nub until I'm screaming on the precipice of my pleasure.

He stops before I'm completely fulfilled and I'm begging him some more.  "Please... I'm so hungry." My appetite is insatiable.

He's biting into my thigh now, licking at the red mark, a dark glint in his eyes. "What do you need?" His voice is husky and my eyes roll back as he makes an identical mark on my other thigh. They are shaking now, trembling in my need.

"Please... Feed me." And he does, over and over until I'm shattering into his mouth, him drinking every last drop.