Arranged Bonds

Bonus Chapter 7:

Chapter 12: Time

Nox's POV

My little bird has been to the gravesite. I can tell because of the guilt in her eyes. I can tell because of the new thoughts that are screaming in her head.

Knowing she's been to Lily's grave, seen the flowers we placed here, rubs me the wrong way. That was our place and, even though I care for Wren, I still don't want her to know about Lily. I don't want to talk about something I've already decided to let go.

I can hear the low rumble in her stomach, but she tries to hide it, embarrassed of the decisions she made today, embarrassed that she had forgotten to eat earlier. Is she trying to starve her pup? Our pup?

I  lift my spoon to her lips, feeding my female for the first time. Accepting her as mine in front of all to see , but acing as if it's only for the pup because I'm still upset with her for not telling me.

She eats it greedily, spoon after spoon full gone until the soup bowl is empty and I start to fill more food onto her plate. She needs to gain weight if she wants to be healthy in this pregnancy.

There is a tension between us that will take time to die down and I try to ignore the guilt that is biting at her. I don't need to feel bad for her right now when she was digging for information from our pack mates about Lily, using her name as an excuse to find out more and more about a past that I don't want to dig back up.

I can feel the hunger her belly wants but she has yet to touch a thing on her plate, her nerves are shot for the day.

"Eat." Frustration leaks out of me. I do t know how to handle this right now. When I hear the little growl of her stomach again my calm exterior starts to crack. "You don't want to starve poor Lillian do you?" Words meant to hurt, words meant to be spiteful, giving her a taste of what that feels like.

Her eyes tear up.

The pack is looking at me like I have two heads, but the animal in me can't control himself right now. My temper is a nasty thing that brings more regret than anything, but in the moment I never have the sense to quit while I'm ahead.

I'm rude and mean and I use all of the things I know she hates to hear against her, but I don't feel the full damage of what I've done until she has left the table and the pack is staring at me with disgust.

I'm not sure how I'm going to fix what my cruel mouth has said this time, but I know I should probably give us both some one to calm down, to work out our guilt, our anger, our spiteful thoughts.

I don't sleep with her for a few days and it's agony the way I know she isn't feeling well. She's been sick every day and it hurts me to stay away, but we need this time apart. I know we do.

I find Beatrix in the Clinic on the third day and she hands me my ass with the things she has to say to me. I've never heard her say so many curse words in one sentence before.

She told me how because of my choice to stay away my mate has been suffering with her weight. My mate has been puking up everything she eats. My mate is a shell of her former self because of me.

I've been leaving her crackers when I know she isn't here, leaving her the only thing I know to help her sickness besides my touch, but I didn't know she was suffering so much. She must have been blocking me out as much as I've been blocking her out. I can't blame her.

I haven't even caught a glimpse of her and I'm starting to feel the need to see her, to make sure she's okay, so I head to her room even though I know she's not there right now. She's always gone around this time.