Paper Aeroplanes & Other Stories

Elsie in the middle

Part Two:

Oh God, this wasn't how I'd imagined I'd be spending the morning after the most awful date ever.

"Will get up. I need to go." I said nudging him with my elbow.

"Okay. Okay. I'm up," he said attempting to sit up. "No, I can't. I can't do it."

Great! Just great!

"Let's have breakfast and then I'll take you."

I didn't want breakfast with Will and his weird parents, but it was more favourable than doing The Walk of Shame in Steph's dress and those stupid shoes.

Where the hell was Steph's dress?

Shit! She was going to kill me, it was in a crumpled heap on Will's bedroom floor the blue stain from Sarah's alco-pop was still clearly visible, and there was something else, ketchup maybe? Or chilli sauce? I picked it up and did the sniff test; it was definitely chilli sauce, maybe we'd ordered kebabs. Did we order kebabs? I was supposed to be on a diet, Sophie's hen do in Magaluf was only two weeks away.

"Here you go," Will said, throwing my knickers at me. He was stood there in nothing but a pair of sweatpants, slung low on his waist and Jesus Christ I didn't remember him being so muscular last night, but it wasn't like I remembered much else either.

God damn it took every ounce of strength I had not to grab hold of the waistband of those sweatpants and pull them off. I swear my ovaries were exploding like those bloody fireworks they have down the meadow every year on the 5th of November. But I managed to restrain myself; his parents were downstairs after all.

"I can't go down there like this," I said as I stood there in just my underwear. By underwear I mean my thong because that stupid dress required me to go sans bra.

"I don't think my dad would mind," he laughed, before handing me another pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. "You know you look kind of sexy in my clothes," he said with a wink.

Sexy? Who was he trying to kid? I looked like a reject dressed in hand me down clothes; my mascara was streaked down my face, and I could feel the vomit rising in my throat, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I threw up in his bin and wiped my mouth on the nearest thing at hand - Steph's fucking dress. I was about as far from being sexy as you could get.

No, I couldn't do this. I couldn't go down there and have breakfast with his parents. It was weird; the whole thing was weird. I felt like I was dying. Imagine the shame - my parents being told that their youngest daughter had succumbed to alcohol poisoning and a dose of embarrassment; a one night stand will do that to you. Especially with his parents downstairs waiting to serve up your breakfast.

"Come and get some fresh air," Will said, throwing open the window and leading me over.

Fresh air was probably a good idea; there was a whiff that lingered in the atmosphere, and I was no Rhianna, I certainly didn't love the smell of it.

"Will. Will." His parents called up the stairs in unison, and I thought my parents were freaks.

"You'll be alright," he said with his arm around me. "They're not so bad, they just think they're funny," he smiled.

Yeah, so this was really happening. I was having breakfast with Will and his parents, for a minute that didn't sound so bad and then I remembered that I'd only met Will the night before. It was six months before I'd met Kyle's parents, I'd known Will less than twenty-four hours and his parents had already seen me almost naked.

"Alright, love, sit down, don't be shy," his mum smiled before she started to pile food on the plate in front of me.

"I'm not really hungry." I protested.

"Nonsense, you look like you could do with an energy boost," she insisted.

"Especially after last night," his dad winked at me. And raised a hand at Will, "c'mon Will don't leave me hanging . . ."

I made eye contact with Will as he high-fived his dad; he looked as mortified as I did. "Look I don't normally do this," I said, feeling like I had to justify myself to the pair of them. I don't think I was very convincing though because I couldn't even justify my actions to myself.

"We do," his dad said. "Well, what I mean is Will does, an endless stream of girls we find ourselves entertaining."

"Dad, will you just shut up," Will spoke, he finally remembered how to speak in front of his parents. Hallelujah! Yes, the Heaven's were rejoicing.

That was the point where his mum and dad burst into laughter. "Every time Colin. We get him every time," his mum said with her hand resting on her husband's shoulder.

"We're just pulling your leg," his dad said, taking a drink of his tea. "You should see your face. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights, a bit like that time I caught Will watching American Pie and wa . . ."

"Enough." Will said, standing up from the table, "c'mon I'll take you home." He practically dragged me out of the room and the house and stopping next to a battered ten-year-old Ford Ka that was sat on the drive.

Wow! Steph was going to be in so much trouble when I next saw her; if she wasn't careful, she'd find one of her bloody wax strips stuck to her eyebrows. And there was no way I was babysitting for them again. Ever.

"Look before you say anything it was my dad's car," Will said as he opened the passenger door for me to climb in. "I borrowed it; I thought maybe you'd fancy me more if you thought I had a nice car."

Let's be real here, yeah the car was nice, but I probably would've liked him more if he'd made a bit more of an effort with the rest of the date.

"I mean I know I could've taken you somewhere better," he said as if he could read my mind. "And I should've paid, but I don't get paid for another three days, and it wasn't as if I was planning on going out. Matt insisted I needed to get over Michelle, I mean it's been six months, and then Steph showed me a photo of you. How could I say no?"

And that was how the drive to my house continued. Our small talk and the silence interspersed with me giving him directions and his swearing when he went the wrong way down a one-way street. It was once we'd pulled up out the front of my house that I realised that I didn't have any shoes on, but I also didn't have Steph's dress. Well, tough I didn't care, she could get lost after what she'd put me through. I had more pressing matters to attend to.

Why couldn't I find my key in my bag?

I knocked in the hope that Sam might be there, I tried calling the house phone and his mobile, only to get his voicemail. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn't hang around out here, dressed like this.

"Don't worry," Will said. "Look there's a window open, I can climb up on the porch and in there if you want?"

It seemed like such a good idea. And then the police arrived, with sirens blaring and lights blazing. A concerned neighbour had called, reported a couple of chavs hanging around; one barefoot looking around suspiciously and the other shimmying up the drainpipe.

Then my parents arrived on the scene and confirmed that I did, in fact, live at the house, only then did the police let us out from the back of their car.

My parents weren't happy. Sam, on the other hand, thought it was highly amusing. "You should've seen your face," he said laughing, "funniest thing I've seen in a while."

The little twerp. Between him and Steph, I'd had enough. Why couldn't I have been an only child? Or why didn't they stop after me? My life has been a complete nightmare, since Sam was born nineteen years ago and I became the middle child.

"Mum, dad, this is Will. We go to the gym together," I lied. "I forgot my key and . . ."

"Nevermind that," my dad said, "let's go in the house, I think we've caused enough of a scene for one day."

"Do you always go to the gym braless?" my mum asked me as we walked into the house behind my dad and Will.

"She doesn't even go to the gym," Sam said.

See what I mean? Just can't win. Being a middle child sucks.