Paper Aeroplanes & Other Stories

Time

Dear Time

#CollateralBeauty

Time,

You've never really been much of a friend to me; you've never been on my side.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought you were infinite; it felt like a lifetime as I waited for birthdays and Christmas. The older I got, the quicker you seemed to pass me by. You were racing off ahead at the speed of light, combined with the endless bad dates; I was convinced that I'd been left on the shelf - single forever, until I met Matthew.

We'd only been together ten months when we found out that he was being sent away to fight some war that would never truly be won.

The date for his departure was looming, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Do you remember how I begged you to slow down? All I wanted to do was spend one more day with Matthew.

Twenty-four hours, it's not much to ask for, 1440 minutes that's all I wanted. In the grand scheme of things, 86,400 seconds isn't huge.

I just wanted to be with Matthew, him and me, me and him. I wanted to spend one last day remembering every freckle on his face, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled and how his hand felt in mine.

But you didn't listen. The day came when we had to say goodbye. And I cried, I cried a whole tsunami of tears. Matthew told me not to cry; that it was just a waste of water. He kissed me and told me that it wasn't really goodbye, that he was only going away for a little while. He said he'd be home before I knew it and then we had the rest of our lives to spend together. He promised me forever.

I counted down the days until he came home; crossing them off on the calendar one by one and I hated the way you taunted me.

Matthew didn't make it home; I never saw him again after that last day we spent together.

There would be no together forever. The only forever is how long Matthew will be gone. Over a year has passed since they called him a hero and brought him home draped in the Union Jack, but I still miss him so much. I have this same nightmare every night where Matthew's holding his hand out for me, and I try to reach him, but he's too far away. Just when I think I've got him, he slips and falls; there's nothing I can do to save him. Even though I see his face whenever I close my eyes, last week I had to look at a photo to remind myself of his smile. I don't want to forget him, but at the same time, I want to be able to sleep a whole night without waking up in terror.

I know how people love to say that times a healer, so I'm begging you to be a friend to me just this one time, help me do the healing that I need so badly.

A.