"And don't worry, honey, we'll be right outside waiting for you," Ray's mom seems more focused on talking to Ray than she is on the road, and the slight swerve to the left that makes Ray bump against the door only confirms her suspicions. "Okay?"
Ray nods, wondering if she'd accidentally break her finger with how hard she's pulling on it in her lap. "Yeah, mom, I know. You told me in the house."
The whole morning, from the moment Ray woke up with Catti at her feet, she'd been anxiously wringing her hands. She would compare it to the feeling you get before you go down a steep incline on a roller coaster, but it isn't nearly as tingly and sought after. It's probably how you would feel if you were in an elevator that's wire had snapped and was responsible for sending, both you and it, plummeting into nothing.
She's scared and nervous and she was much more excited about this when it wasn't actually about to happen. Ray had started thinking of all the things that could go wrong and now she's constantly wiping her sweaty palms off on her jeans at the thought of going in.
Her mom's truck comes to a stop and Ray nearly starts crying, but manages to calm herself. The sound of her phone ringing makes her jump and hit her elbow on the window, bringing a hiss from her lips.
Grabbing the thing from her back pocket is a short struggle, but she gets it out and clicks the answer button—after accidentally clicking whatever buttons are around it. "Hello?"
"Ray, you alright?" Michael's voice streams through the speaker and Ray sighs in relief. No one had called to check up on her yet, so hearing one of her friends on the line is helping to ease her nerves. "Sorry if you're already, like, in there. We didn't know what time to call."
"Hi, Ray, we love you!" Calum chimes in from the background, making Ray smile at his words. She tries not to cry, really, she tries, but she's been holding her feelings in all morning and she thinks she can blame her friends for making her emotional.
"I love you guys, too," She feels her mom's hand rest on her knee and Ray takes in a couple deep breaths. Then takes in two more. "I'm about to go in now, so I'll see—" She cuts herself off with a watery laugh, briefly moving the phone from her cheek and wiping it with the sleeve of her shirt.
"I'll talk to you guys later." Ray finishes, pressing her lips together. The boys give her a loud goodbye and Ray pathetically holds her phone to her chest as she puts her hand atop her mother's.
She doesn't know why everyone—including herself—is making this out to be more dramatic than it should be. Sure there are things that could go wrong, but, besides the absolute worst case scenarios, the more likely worst case scenario is that it simply doesn't work and she still can't see.
She's been blind almost longer than she could see, so she wouldn't feel too bad if the procedure does nothing. Ray would obviously prefer if it worked, but she can't complain that much about going in blind and coming out the same way, especially since she doubted the idea of it working from the beginning.
"You ready?" Her mom's gentle voice reminds her that she's still here in this moment, in the car. Ray nods, mentally pulling up her big girl panties and opening the door.
Her father would have been there with her, but him being a doctor really messed that up. Ray's grateful that her mom was able to be with her, and she knows her dad'll be there as soon as he can, outside of her room, just like her mom said.
Ray's mind is full of what if situations as she follows her mother to the front desk. Mrs. Charles and the nurse at the desk have an exchange that Ray calls Convoluted Nurse Talk, so she tunes it out in favor of trying to answer some of the questions she has in her head.
She wonders what Catti will look like, for some reason, first, out of all things. Her parents told her that she's an orange tabby, but she doesn't know if she remembers exactly what those look like. Ray frowns at that realization, flinching when her mom takes her wrist to lead her to the waiting area. She can hear crying children, which makes her frown deepen, until she thinks of what all that frowning is doing to her face.
Once she settles into one of the hard plastic chairs, Ray crosses her legs and thinks of what other things will look like. She wonders next what Calum and Michael will look like. Along with Ashton, they were just a few years short of her vision days, which frustrates Ray to this day.
Her parents, however, made it into that margin. She likes to think that they look the same as they did when she was nine. It's not unlikely that they do, but with the stress from work and their daughter being blind, she's sure they look just a little older.
It dawns on her that she'll get to see what Luke looks like if this all pans out. Ray feels like she should be upset with him for not calling her, even today, but she can't force herself to be mad about it. She doesn't plan on being mad at all today, and she won't start a few minutes before she has to go into surgery.
Ray's looking forward to seeing his face no matter what, she decides, smiling when she thinks back on that morning with him in her bedroom.
"How are you feeling?" Mrs. Charles asks, putting her arm around Ray's shoulders.
"I'm alright," She answers, believing herself as she says it. Ray is alright, and she'll be alright after all of this, too. She resolves, then, that someone has to be super optimistic about this, and it might as well be her. "Just thinking."
Ray's mom hums, lightly tapping her arms. "About what?"
"What you'll all look like." Ray tells her mom, somewhat conscious of how loud she's talking. The children that were crying seemed to have been finished and the room fell uncomfortably quiet.
"Well, I'll tell you now, I still look good." Her mom jokes, laughing when Ray gives in to a giggle. They both ease back into the silence surrounding them and Ray starts toying with a loose screw under her chair.
"Hey," Ray's mother gets her attention again, gently nudging her. Ray makes a noise to show that she's acknowledged her. "Have you thought about what you look like?"
"Ray Charles?" A nurse's voice tails her mom's and Ray feels the nerves flood over her again. As Mrs. Charles holds Ray's hand and heads back with the nurse, Ray somehow only thinks of one thing, all the way up to her doctor's arrival.
What do I look like?
A/N: so the drama okay hey guyyysss!! I'm sorry that I took forever again sigh part of that was because I didn't have my laptop for a week and the other part is just me being me ugh
guys it's time she's goin in (no drake) are you guys ready???
this chap is short so sorry about that also but i hope you enjoyed the suspense and whatnot haha
ALSO I HAVE A LOT OF NEW READERS AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I LOVE YOU GUYS AND THANK YOU FOR READING
anyway if you did enjoy this chapter please vote and comment bc i care about how you guys feel ok i wanna know
xoxo just a girl girl
YOU ARE READING
Ray ||l.h.||
Fanfiction"Yes, my name is Ray Charles and yes, I am blind," she pauses, momentarily panicking when she doesn't feel the side of her desk until her knuckle bumps against the wood. "And, no, my parents didn't jinx me." ©2015, dentai. All Rights Reserved.
