Under the Stars (a lunar chronicles Modern AU)

Chapter Sixteen: I can't

If Cinder hadn't seen the low light shining from Iko's phone she never would have crawled out of her own bed to sit on the end of Iko's. She hadn't been able to sleep, and as much as she'd like to say it was only because Iko was disturbing her, she'd shared a room with her long enough to notice giggling at midnight anymore.

Iko directed her phone light at Cinder and sat up, crossing her bare legs and leaving the phone face up between the two of them. Instagram was open on the screen, and Cinder saw Iko had been looking through Kinney's profile. She shook her head at Iko who gave her a shrug in reply.

"Why are you still awake?" Iko asked, and Cinder shook her head again, but this time with a little more remorse.

"I'm not sure I can do this tomorrow," Cinder admitted, hanging her head. She knew how selfish it sounded, how selfish it was, but admitting the truth to Iko was something she did often, and it's not like she would judge her for it.

"We're so close, Cinder, we could find her," Iko hissed under her breath, and Cinder felt the first tear slide down her cheek. Moments later she was wrapped in Iko's arms her face burned in Iko's neck as she began to sob.

"I want to find her," Cinder said in a heavy sob, loud enough to wake the others. "I want to, but..."

There was a creak from across the room, and Cinder looked across, red eyed, to find Scarlet creeping down from the top bunk, looking guilty as she did, but perching herself on the end of Cinders bed anyway. In the bottom bunk Cress wearily opened her eyes, one of her headphones falling down across her face. She didn't move until Cinder reached out a hand to her. In a moment she was across the room and wrapping her arms around Cinder.

"I don't know what's wrong, but it's all going to be okay," Cress whispered into her ear, before pulling away and slinking back next to Scarlet.

Iko pulled back, wiping one of Cinder's tears away with her pyjama t-shirt and exposing her flat tummy in the process. As she did Cinder noticed the ring on her belly button.

As Iko went to let her top drop Cinder stopped her, eyeing the ring and raising her brow.

"I thought it would look nice," Iko said, giving the other girls a wink. Cress giggled and went to poke the ring, leaving Iko in laughing fits.

"You're parents are going to have a fit," Cinder pointed out, but she couldn't keep a grin from creeping onto her face; sometimes she wished she was as adventurous at Iko.

They were silent for a moment before Scarlet got up and slapped her hands to her sides, "that really changed the mood," she said, pulling Cress up by the elbow and swinging her around. Cress giggled and ran back to her bed, sticking her headphones in her ears when she reached them and waving to Cinder.

Cinder looked down in embarrassment as Iko raised her eyebrows a minute later. "Talking helps," she said, before sliding back into her own bed and mouthing goodnight to her friend.

---

In the morning Cinder did all she could to stay in bed, which ultimately resulted in her screaming while Thorne hauled her over his shoulder and dumped her out into the hallway.

"I'm not dressed yet!" she shouted, rushing back into the room and into the ensuit before slamming the door behind her.

"You know you don't have to do this Cinder, but you don't need to be like that," she heard Thorne say and the slam of the room's door.

She slid to the floor, curling into a ball and sobbing into her knees. She'd told them she just needed a few more minutes and then she'd be out, just a few more hours to put herself together, a few more days to prepare herself before her world fell apart again. She didn't care what they thought of her, all she could think of was that she was giving up on Winter so easily.

She couldn't do that.

But if she left the room she would break, and she didn't think she could handle that either.

She was stuck, trapped, finished.

The next tear came out with an ugly sob as Cinder rolled over and hit her nose against the floor. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it might break through her ribs, and she was sure her teeth would fall out where she was clenching them.

It was too hot and too cold at once, and in a dizzy haze she crawled under the sink. She couldn't remember why she was crying anymore, where was she, what was...

She lifted her head and it struck the underneath of the basin, leaving her in further sobs. She could hear pounding on the door now and two voices accompanied by more cries from the other room, small sobs that matched hers almost perfectly.

She started screaming, who was she? What was this? She could feel pain in her wrists where her nails were digging in deep and began banging her head against the sink until she could feel something sticky on her neck. The screams outside where louder now, insistent, but she couldn't hear them anymore. She was back on the floor, hands over her ears rocking back and forth until her eyes stopped working, and then her mind.

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A/N: That was sad wasn't it.

I was procrastinating writing this chapter, but then I opened up the document and realised I'd already written it and just needed to edit it, which I did while listening to the greatest nightcore mix ever (I'll put it the media)

Does anyone else like cream crackers? Those things are amazing! Really help you think (I 'm living off them) and I had veggie sausages for the first time in ages today and they are so nice!

Just trying to brighten the mood

How do you feel about Iko's belly button ring? I just feel she'd get one. I mean, I can imagine Iko with a load of piercings, but never a tattoo. If any of the TLC characters got a tattoo I think it would be Thorne.

Does anyone have tattoo's or want them when they're older? Or any piercings in places that aren't your ears?

I don't even have my ears pierced, but I want a tattoo one day. I just think it'd be cool.

My mum goes on about how horrible tattoo's are and I'm just like but they're so cooool!

Important question: If you could dye any of the TLC characters hair any colour you liked with the sort of hair dye that washes out after a certain amount of time, who's hair would you dye and what colour?

I'd dye Thorne's pink, though I don't think that would faze him, so I'd dye Kai's instead, maybe like neon purple.

Kai with neon purple hair XD

Till next time!