Nothing's fine I'm torn

6

6

Liv's pov~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm fine just drop it" I heard a voice yell. I rolled over, opened my eyes and l looked around disoriented. I sat up and stretched, how'd I end up on the couch? The last thing I remember was sitting in the car.

My attention was brought to the argument in the other room. I get up and padded my way over to the kitchen where all the boys currently were.

The scene I came upon made even me feel uncomfortable. All the boys were looking at Louis with a mix of pity and worry.

The tension in the room made my stomach tighten as I looked at my bestfriends reaction.

Louis was bent over the sink looking like he was trying to keep himself composed. I don't know how long he had been like this but it wasn't going to last for long.

"But Lou" Liam started but was cut off by Louis slamming his hand on the counter making everyone jump at the sound. He was acting like a cornered animal.

This was one of his lowest points, the boys had never seen him like this before. My heart broke seeing their upset faces.

"just leave me alone" he snarled before trying to leave the room. Harry blocked his way and Louis's eyes narrowed, I stared in horror as the situation just got infinitely worse.

"get out of my way Harry" Louis said is a low terrifying tone. I don't know if anyone else caught the slight tremble in his voice.

Louis eyes went over Harry's shoulder and met mine, his face softening from the current glare.

I understood right away, his walls were crumbling and he wouldn't be able to hold the tears back for much longer. He was going to lose it soon and it wasnt going to be pretty.

Thats when Harry decided to put his hand on Louis shoulder. Louis flinched violently away as if Harry's touch had burnt him. Harry's shoulders slumped in defeat, judging from the looks on the other boy's faces his expression was worse.

"we're just trying to help boobear" Harry said in a low voice as if talking to a frightened animal. I flinched at the nickname as Louis did.

The nickname alone broke the remenants of the wall and Louis's eyes unleashed their tears.

"just don't" Louis whimpered pushing past Harry, grabbing my hand and dragging me to his room.

Louis pov~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I locked the door and slide down against it. I couldn't see through the rush of tears everything was beginning to blur.

I was shaking hard and my breaths were coming in an alarmingly fast rate. Warm arms encircled me and lead my head to rest on something soft.

"Louis I need you to breathe with me" her voice called out. "I-I-I-I c-c-c-an'-t-t-t" I stuttered between wheezes.

My breathing kept escalating and I was becoming light headed, black spots filled my clouded vision.

"fuck lou count with me" she said. "I'm going to start and you say the next number okay?" all I could do was nod.

"one" she said. "t-t-t-w-w-wo" I stuttererd. "three" she said right away not giving me time to pause. I took a deep breath "f-f-f-our-r" I struggled to keep my breathes regular.

"you count the rest to ten after me okay lou? five" she said as I was becoming more aware of her hand rubbing my back. "s-s-ix, s-seven, eight" I took a deeper breath, my head was against her chest her heart beat a steady rhythm.

"nine, ten" I finished, my breathing almost normal. "good job louis, I'm so proud of you. breathe along with me hun" her voice soothed.

My head raised and fell with each breath she took and it took me a while before mine matched hers.

"shh, you're doing good lou" Liv comforted, running her fingers through my hair and I felt myself relax further.

I curled into her more and her arms held me tigher in response. "don't let me go liv" I whispered. One of her hands grabbed my chin and I was forced to look into her eyes.

"never lou, this isn't some titanic shit. Lou and liv forever and always" she said with such determination that I let out a shaky smile

"forever and always" I repeated.

*************************************

Ouch that hurt to write. How are all you doing? My heart hurts. Panic attacks suck, I've had 2 this past week already -.-

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Liv