Detriment

2. my only sunshine...

Lights!

     Lights instantly illuminated the spacious but empty auditorium, casting down harshly on the stage. It was too bright. It was always too bright, but I never had a say in it. Adjusting the earpiece in my ear, I stepped up to the spotlight.

Sound!

     An echo of music played in the far back of the auditorium, turning in an auto-tuned mess before the sound emitted loudly, bouncing off the wall.

     "Can you hear it, Charlie?" My manager, Derrick's voice said through my earpiece.

     "Yes."

     The music stopped instantly and I was back in total silence once again. It wasn't long before the dancers made their way out on stage, all of them dressed in black. Among them was Ayden, his unruly blond hair catching my attention almost immediately. When his eye caught mine, I had to turn away.

     "In positions people. We'll be starting in 3...2..." The music's intro began without a "1," but I didn't notice. My brain was too preoccupied with the thoughts of what had transpired in the dressing room. Mostly the part when he had lifted my shirt but also the kiss that had left me wanting more. So much more. 

     Derrick's pissed voice broke through the headset, interrupting my train of thought.

     "What the hell  Charlie! You missed your part! Stop. Fucking. Up."

     Swallowing hard, I acknowledged him with a small "okay" before I heard the song reset and the dancers heading back to their places.

     Okay, I had to clear my head. I couldn't focus on it too much, the kiss and everything was just a mistake. A big mistake that would never happen again. Yup.

     I had almost escaped my thoughts until my mind unwillingly went to Cameron and his reaction to finding out about it. The cuts he would carve in my skin, every beating he would ensure that I received for my sin.

    I could feel it all even without the physical contact. The entity of pain causing tremors to run through my body. My throat felt as if it was constricting.

It hurts.

     This time, when the music cut off from my second mistake, I was the one who had spoken first.

     "I-I can't do this, I'm sorry."

     Derrick's yelling only ceased when I took the earpiece out of my ear and rushed past the dancers to get away. I needed to leave. I swear I thought I had heard Ayden's voice calling after me but my mind ignored it. It ignored everything.

     I didn't stop until I had reached the crowded city sidewalk outside. Okay, I needed to think. At home, I knew I would be able to do exactly that. Cameron was supposed to be at some photoshoot that wouldn't be finished until late tonight.

     Hailing a taxi, I climbed in, quickly muttering the address to the house. Once the vehicle started to moved I relaxed in the seat. It was just me and the raging storm that battled around in my head. Hopefully, once I cleared it, everything would be fine.