Jealousy Is Love's Best Friend (Book 2)

Chapter 4

James hops off the ladder down the side of the skyscraper and turns a corner onto the packed high street. He stands there and waits for the others, then catches sight of a familiar face. A face he definitely shouldn't be seeing. He pales dramatically and for a moment he feels like his insides have completely disappeared.
The face turns round a corner onto a less crowded side street. James follows it, trying desperately shove through the swarm of muggles. He finally breaks free of the mass of bodies and sprints down the side street, dimly aware of his friends shouting his name behind him. He runs for as long as he can, before he realises that the figure has disappeared, as if into thin air. He leans against a rough brick wall, trying to regain his breath and make sense of what just happened.
"What was that about?" Sirius walks over and puts a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "You alright?" James looks at Sirius and frowns.
"Well I thought I saw-" he says, then shakes his head. "Never mind, I'm just being stupid." He turns to leave, but they all stand in front of him, blocking his way.
"Tell us, Prongs."
He sighs, realising they won't let him go until he tells, and bites his lip nervously. "I thought I saw Peter."
***
Remus is the first to speak. "But James, that impossible. Peter's-"
"Dead. Yeah, I know." James grimaces, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I was probably imagining things. I'm sure there was no one. Now, can we please just go home?" Everyone reluctantly agrees, and they begin the walk home. Sirius hangs back with James, a look of concern on his face.
"James, I-"
"Sirius, give it a rest. I'm sure it's nothing."
Sirius isn't convinced, but he leaves the topic alone. For now at least.
***
"What was that about?" Sirius demands once they are back in the safety of their own home. James is reminded of a time , what seems like years ago, when Sirius sat on his bed and demanded the same answer if a moment with Lily.
"What was what about?" says James, looking up from his book and feigning innocence. Sirius marches over and snatches the book from his hands.
"You know bloody well what." He sits on the bed, facing his best friend. "About Peter. Spill."
James shifts uncomfortably, fiddling with the edge of the pillow, avoiding Sirius's eyes.
"Nothing. It was nothing. I thought I saw-no, never mind. I didn't see anything. Anyway, how's Remus? You guys looked pretty co-"
"Stop changing the subject!" Sirius interrupts, voice rising.
"I'm not! There isn't a subject to change!" Replies James.
"There is, Potter and you know it."
"Isn't."
"Is."
"Isn't."
"Stop acting like a child!" Yells Sirius.
"Then stop pushing it!" Says James. "I'm fine!" He stands up and spreads his arms out, as if trying to physically display how fine he is. "I'm fine!"
Sirius stands to match James, eyes blazing. He tilts his head upwards to meet the taller boy's eyes, cursing the height difference that divides them. James seems to feel his anger though, as he takes a step back in shock. He knows when to take his brother seriously.
In a dangerously quiet voice Sirius says, "You're not fine. I know you're not. I've known you since we were twelve years old, and I can read you like a book. A very colourfully illustrated, very depressing book. So spill it, Potter, because I sure know you're not crazy, and I sure as hell know you're not ok."
Taken aback, and realising his friend isn't going to back down, James flops onto the bed in defeat.
"I'm not ok Pads," he admits, all his previous anger replaced with a hollow sadness. "Ever since Peter, I just-it's like there's this giant hole inside me that can't be filled. And it's all my fault, if I hadn't been in the hospital wing, if I hadn't needed warning about the Death Eaters, maybe he would still be alive. But no, Voldemort came, and now he's dead and it's all my fault. It's all my fault and I'm just so fucking angry all the time. And you help, and Lily, God I love her so much, and Remus, and my mum and dad are always there. But I just miss him so much and I feel so guilty and nothing can seem to stop me feeling that way."
Sirius flops back on the bed next to James, looking him straight in the eye.
"Do not think," he says quietly, "do not even think for one second that any of this is your fault."

And that's how Lily finds them, 3 hours later, crying with their arms around each other. She doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
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Poor James :(
Sorry this is a day late, I physically wrote it down and didn't have time to finish typing it up sooo soz about that. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to vote, comment and all that fun stuff
Byeeeeeedeed