A Summer Like No Other

Chapter 31 - Em

My heart hurts so much I don't know what to do with myself. I want to cry. I want to scream. But nothing comes. Nothing. It's like I was a painting in the making and someone erased me. I promised myself that no matter what I found it wouldn't change anything at home, it wouldn't change how I feel, but I can't help but analyze every action, every word.

Are my parents even happy with me? They've got their first child—their blood—accomplishing miracles, helping others, becoming someone. And then they have me—the one they adopted—the one who can't make it to the top, the one who has no idea how to deal with the blow she received right in the stomach.

I bring the blanket to my face, and smell it... I used to believe I could smell my mother's perfume on it, that I could see her tears.

It's all bullshit...

She hates me. I could feel it, the waves of her disdain, of her hate toward me. Like I ruined her. Why?

Why did she even bother with the ballerina blanket if she hated me that much? I don't understand.

Nick's face floats to my mind and bile shoots up in my mouth. He didn't stay. I wanted him to protest when I said we should end it. I wanted him to tell me how much I mean to him. I wanted to hear the words. The ones about love.

But I got nothing.

I grab a pair of scissors from my desk and slice into the fabric of the blanket. I cut it piece by piece, slowly.

Instead of throwing them out though, I carefully place them in my desk drawer, a sad reminder of this day, a sad reminder of what happened.

Mom knocks at my door a couple minutes later. "I'm on my way to help at Nonna's. Since you're already back, do you want to join me?" Her voice is too happy. It doesn't match my mood. Can't she feel that I'm in pieces? Can't she feel that all the hope I had has been torn away from me? Can't she see a hole where my heart used to be?

"No, I'll stay here tonight. I have to watch performances of Sleeping Beauty's Ballet. They're thinking about doing it at next year's showcase."

"Don't work too late," she replies without opening the door and skips out, calling Roberto, saying she'll meet him there.

Roberto doesn't even bother passing by my room. I check my phone. No calls. Nothing from Nick. Except his resonating silence in the car, a silence that definitely spoke louder than words.

No words from my so-called friends who are having the time of their lives away from the city. No words from Natalya, who's probably having fun with her best friend, the one she laughs with on the phone from time to time, when she's not consumed by dancing.

Dancing.

That's it. If only I could reach the top. If only I could become number one, then I'm sure it would change. Nick would see me differently. He would be proud to have me by his side. He would be proud to call me his girlfriend. Because let's face it, if he really wanted to, he could date someone. He could have someone. I wouldn't prevent him from training, I would encourage him, I would push him forward. He must know that.

And then my birth mother would also be proud of me; she wouldn't push me away. I could send her an invitation and when she'd see my name, she would beam.

My parents would be proud. I'd accomplish something. Finally, I'd be someone.

Because right now...right now I feel like I'm no one. That no one cares.

I glance around my room and then reach under my bed for the secret box where I keep mementos of Nick. I touch the bracelet he gave me and carefully, I open the drawer where the pieces of what I believed in lie scattered and sad.

I'm out of the car as soon as I see the woman storm into her Honda. I couldn't hear what she said to Em but it must've been bad, because Em seems to be frozen in place.

"Em!" I call but she doesn't answer. Her body doesn't move. She doesn't turn my way. I'm not even sure she blinks.

"Em," I whisper once I'm close enough to touch her. But she still doesn't say a word. She doesn't cry. She doesn't scream. "Come on, let's go."

I wrap an arm around her shoulder and pull her with me.

"Wait," she says finally. But her tone is dry, there's no emotion. She grabs the blanket that had fallen to the floor. It's dirty but Em holds it close to her heart. She keeps on holding it in the car, the whole drive home, still clutching it as I park in front of her house.

"What happened?" I finally ask.

"There was a scenario I had not considered. That's all. I'll get over it," she replies without looking at me. "I should go." She pauses. "Let's cool it for a while, this thing between us. Summer's not over but people are starting to get back. More people will be at the studio and well, we don't want them to get the wrong idea."

I want to say something. I want to scream that she's wrong. But she's right. If we keep on going, we'll fall into a certain habit. I'm already having a hard time not calling her every single time I feel like talking to someone.

So instead, I don't say anything. I stay silent and she nods her head. Once. "That's what I thought."

And she doesn't even slam the door on her way out.

Author's note:

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you're enjoying getting to know Em & Nick! I'd love to hear from you, so don't hesitate to leave a comment. The full novella is already published/available on all e-retailers for only $0.99 in case you don't want to wait for the next chapter :) More information on www.elodienowodazkij.com :)