Ten Months of Pregnancy in Twenty Minutes

Preggers with no belly.

There are 2 kinds of "first trimester" pregnant chicks. The ones that don't feel any different than normal (the lucky bitches) and then the ones that feel like shit. Believe it or not, your body is working very hard making that baby. You're going to be exhausted all the time, pee like crazy and be either nauseous or puking.

And not just puking in the morning so don't be fooled. The term "morning sickness" should really be called "morning, day and night" sickness. Hopefully you don't experience this but if you do you'll most likely lose a few pounds in the first trimester.

If this happens you'll be losing belly and gaining boobs. A modern day Dolly Parton. You probably don't know who that is and have to google it, which gives away my secret. I'm old and you're not.

You're also going to have a common case of "Baby Brain" or "Preg Head" which is just a nice way of saying you're going to be really dumb for a while. I'm not a doctor but I can pretty much guarantee you will forget what you're talking about mid-sentence and even forget the name of someone who just introduced themselves to you.

You'll put your shirt on inside out and backwards. Start a trend.

This lasts the entire time. I have yet to meet one pregnant chick who is as sharp as a tack during pregnancy. People get it, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Milk this for all it's worth. People are so nice to you when they know you're having a baby.