Maybe This Time (camren/laucy)

Chapter 8

Lauren's POV

Have you ever felt like nothing could possibly go wrong because everything seems to be perfect? It's that feeling where you're so happy that there isn't any negative thoughts floating in your mind. But I'm the kind of person who's always worried on what will happen next. I don't let myself be happy for too long because I know that something bad would happen. Life has a way of teasing us and letting us taste a few days of happiness before your worst fears come into life. I don't know why I always prepare myself for the worst, maybe because I've had some good days but mostly I've had some really bad days that I would never forget.

These were the thoughts swirling in my mind while my family was hovering over me and repeatedly asking me how I'm doing. I was afraid to come home because I thought they would be mad at me but their love for me was the most evident emotion that they had when they saw me. It's honestly so overwhelming to know how many people truly love and care for me. I hugged them tightly one by one to tell them without using words how much I missed them.

   "Are you okay, honey?" That's the first thing my mom asked me after our emotional reunion. I thought she would reprimand and shout at me for ignoring them for the past two years. But all she cares about is my well-being.

   "I'm okay, mom, and i'm not lying this time." When she asks me that question back then, I would always lie to her over and over again. I don't want her to worry about me because I've never been the type to depend on anyone.

   "I thought you weren't coming back, mija." There were tears falling from her eyes and I couldn't do anything but cry on her chest and curl up like a baby. I missed having her as my safe haven all these years. Mothers always have that ability to make you feel like everything will be fine.

   "I never left, mom. I just needed to find myself again and I wanted to do it without anyone's help. I had to do it alone and I hope you understand that."

   "Of course, Lo. I'm just happy that you seem okay now." She combed my hair with her fingers. This used to be my most favorite thing in the world. I would always fall asleep whenever she does that. I'm finally back home and it feels so fulfilling that I've achieved something of my own doing. I don't have anyone telling me what to do now and that's one of the things that I had to endure when I was in the limelight.

Lucy and I decided to walk to the park nearby to talk and reflect on what happened today. She was telling me how much she missed this place. Memories of us together in high school came flooding back to me in full force. We were the so called weird kids back then. Some people even thought that we were older than we actually are because of the way we see the world. We laughed and joked about how stuck up and nerdy we were. My cheeks started hurting because of smiling and laughing too much throughout the day.

But then everything slowed down around me when I saw the pair of brown eyes that used to be my salvation. We haven't seen each other in two years but it's like our hearts are still intertwined in a way. Under the sunlight, she looks so defeated and sad. The spark that I lost seem to reflect back to me in her eyes. I can't wrap my head around what I'm feeling. I don't feel heartbroken anymore, I'm also not sad or anything. But the happiness to see her again is bubbling in the surface. They say that first love never dies nor fades, but for the first time in years as I look at her, I don't feel safe anymore. I don't feel at home like I used to staring deep into her hazel brown orbs.

   "Camila?" She wasn't making a move to talk to us so I decided to just bite the bullet. It took her a few seconds to respond.

Of all the things that I thought would come out of her mouth, this wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting for her to be angry at me, I was actually ready for the words that she would utter just to hurt me. I thought that she would break down in front of me and curse me for returning here. But the first thing that she said almost took my breathe away.

   "You came back." Her hands were shaking and all I wanted was to hug and comfort her. I've said it a million times that no matter what happens, she would always have a piece of my heart.

Lucy was looking at me consciously like she was afraid that I would break anytime soon. I can see the fear of losing me in her eyes and I hate how she still doubts my love for her. My mind was telling me to get out of there as soon as possible and take Lucy with me. But as usual my heart was telling me to stand up and comfort my former bandmate and not to mention the love of my life. My heart fucking won the war yet again. How many times do I have to get hurt before I learn that following my mind would always be the safe thing to do? But when it comes to Camila, safe isn't part of my vocabulary. So I stood up and walked in front of her. After all these years of being together and destroying one another, seeing Camila cry still breaks my heart into pieces.

   "I told you I'd come back right? I always will, Camz." The nickname that I gave her rolled off my tongue like I've been waiting to say it again for years. I didn't even have to think about it because everything comes off natural when it comes to her.

I was about to respond when I felt Lucy's hands intertwine with mine. I looked at her for a second and I saw a spark of emotion that I haven't seen since we started dating. I can see jealousy in her eyes and it's unsettling because I feel like she still doesn't fully trust me. I returned my attention to Camila and she was looking at our intertwined hands then her shoulders suddenly dropped. I could almost feel her disappointment linger in the air around us.

   "Oh... I actually have to go, uhm bye, Lo." She stuttered for a bit before practically escaping the scene. I was taken aback by her reaction of seeing me again. I have a lot of questions regarding our past and I really wanted to clear everything out before leaving. I need closure once and for all. Maybe this time we'll finally get the ending that we deserve.

My heart is heavy because of all the terrible things that happened lately. I can see humans but not humanity. // @1994XJAUREGUI 💕