Maybe This Time (camren/laucy)

Chapter 14

Lauren's POV
4 years ago

                My face is burning with rage and disappointment. It's been the talk of the town that Camila has been hanging out with Taylor Swift and her so called "squad" these past few months. The first strike was when Taylor threw a birthday party for Camila and didn't even bother to invite us. I remember sulking in my hotel room looking through the photos that they have posted on Instagram. Camila looked so happy and I couldn't bring myself to be angry at her because all I've ever wanted was for her to be happy. I've endured days where she was nowhere to be found since she chose to hang out with her new friends than go on a date with me. But at the end of the day of hanging out with various famous celebrities, she would always come home to me. She'd gently kick off her shoes and lie down beside me. It's almost a natural thing for her to hug me from behind like she didn't just ditch me during the day. I have repeatedly asked how her day went but I she would respond with only a hum and she would kiss me on the side of my face as if that could fix everything between us.

                The stars were twinkling as usual above me and I hate how the earth is still revolving around the sun and doing its job while I'm emotionally breaking down. Isn't it maddening that the earth wouldn't stop for you? People around you wouldn't stop their lives just to console and comfort you. It's such a harsh reality that you're really just alone in this world. Back then, I've always had Camila's hand to hold onto but now that our unofficial relationship is in shambles, I honestly don't know who I can run to. But faith was on my side that night and a message popped on my phone. Lucy was in town and she wants to have dinner like old time's sake. I was a mess and I didn't have anywhere to go to so I decided to accept her offer. I found her sitting outside a quaint coffee shop while looking as mysterious as always. I've been friends with Lucy for as long as I can remember and she still somehow intrigues me. I momentarily forgot all my problems when she looked at my direction and smiled softly at me. When she saw how distraught I looked, she didn't hesitate in hugging me tightly. Tears started streaming down my face again and I was shaking violently due to the sobs that keeps on coming. She didn't say anything for a couple of minutes and continued holding me as if she's the only thing that's keeping me from completely breaking down in public. She kept on caressing my back and whispering comforting words into my ears. After a few minutes, I eventually let her go and sat on the available space beside her.

"You look like a mess, Lo." I chuckled at her words and slapped her hand for stating the obvious already. I could always count on Lucy for finding the light in these kinds of situations.

"What happened?" I could tell that she was genuinely interested and I love how her presence could calm me down. She grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles softly to assure me that it's okay to talk to her. We've always been very affectionate to each other and Camila didn't like it when Lucy's holding or touching me in a more than platonic way.

"Camila has once again ditched me for Taylor fucking Swift." Venom and hurt were laced on my tone. This is the exact reason why I hate being in love, people would hurt you time and time again. Being in love is like waiting for the bomb you have planted in your heart to explode any moment. It's like waiting for the kettle you have heated to boil any second. You're just basically waiting for something to go wrong.

"You have to put yourself in her shoes, Lo. Okay let me ask you this, what if Lana Del Rey invited you to hang out with her? Will you accept her invitation or choose to spend the day with Camila doing nothing in bed?" I rolled my eyes at her question because she's completely missing the point why I'm angry.

"I would drop everything for Camila. I don't fucking care if the president of the United States wants to have coffee with me or if Beyoncé wants to collaborate with me, I don't give a single fuck because Camila has and will always be my priority above all. And it just hurts so much knowing that she wouldn't do the same for me."

Lucy looked away for a second and I saw something flash in her eyes but it was gone even before I recognized what it was. Her lips twisted into a sad smile and she shook her head from side to side.

"You really do love her, don't you?" That was a question that I immediately knew the answer to.

"I do, Luce. I love her so much that it actually physically hurts to see her slowly drifting away from me." I clutched my chest tightly to prevent the tears from coming again. If only I could rip my heart out of my chest to check if it's still okay after everything that Camila has done to it.

"Do you love her enough to forgive her yet again?" She took my hands again and clasped it tightly against hers. She eventually laced our hands together to make me feel that she's on my side. I closed my eyes for a moment and remembered all the times that Camila trampled and walked on my heart. I prepared a romantic evening for us last week but she came back so late from hanging out with her friends that I eventually stopped waiting and fell asleep instead. There was also a time where I wanted to sing her a song that I've been working on for months but she waved me off and said that it can wait. What hurts the most was when I woke up the morning after she promised that she would spend more time with me and that everything would go back to the way it was just to find myself alone in bed with nothing but her scent on the sheets and a note from her saying that she needs to meet up with her friends once again. But what did I do? I have forgiven her every single time because I convinced myself that she's probably just excited to have famous friends. She's probably just tired on being with the four of us almost every day that she needs unknown faces from time to time.

But what happened today was the last straw. I can't keep on hurting myself during the process of loving her. I don't want to keep on looking like a fool waiting for her return every damn night. I've had enough of the mornings that she left nothing but cold sheets beside me. I'm fed up with all her excuses and apologies. And for the first time in months, I wasn't actually sure if I still wanted to forgive her after everything.

"I honestly don't know, Luce." She slid her chair closer to mine and pulled my head gently to her chest. I had no more tears left to shed so I focused on returning my breathing back to normal.

"Listen to what your heart says, Lo. But also promise me that you'd know when to walk away okay? I hate seeing you like this and if only I can take it all away I would in a heartbeat."

A message on my phone interrupted our moment.

It was a message from Camila begging me to come back and talk to her. Lucy saw the internal battle that I was having and told me the words I needed to hear.

"Stay, stay here with me. She honestly doesn't deserve you and it might be better for the both of you to cool off some steam before you could talk properly."

Maybe it's time for me to choose what's best for myself. Maybe it's time to make a decision that should have been made months ago. Maybe some things just aren't meant to be.

It has been a very hectic couple of weeks so I hope you understand why I can't update frequently. Tell me what you think? // @1994XJAUREGUI