Maybe This Time (camren/laucy)

Chapter 3

                  

Camila's POV

I've been having sleeping problems for as long as I can remember. My sleeping schedule is opposite of what's considered as normal. I usually don't sleep until 3 am or so. I feel most relaxed and at peace when the night comes, it's so quiet that you can almost hear the steady thumping of my heart. I love how the only thing that keeps me awake is also the same thing that puts me into sleep. My mind is racing at 2 in the morning, it's full of "what if's and what could've been's".

I considered myself as Lauren's anchor, all along I thought I could be the one who will keep her afloat. But because I'm such a fucked up human being, I caused nothing but pain and sadness to the only person whom I loved the most. Maybe it's true that we hurt the ones we love the most. I think it's probably because we're sure that whatever we do, they're always going to be there waiting for us. But everyone has a breaking point and Lauren finally reached hers. All I could do was let her go so I did.

It's been two years since she left the band. Two years since she left me crying on the ground of her hotel room. Two years since she promised that she would come back. Two years' worth of suffering and regrets. There's not a single day that I didn't hate how it was so easy for her to leave me. It's like I meant nothing to her. She's the main reason why Fifth Harmony broke up. I couldn't bear to continue the dream that we shared, I couldn't bear to fool myself into thinking that we didn't need her.

She has been my best friend since the X Factor days. Lauren was my very own journal, we would stay up late at night just to talk about all our thoughts and feelings. She's always the first person that comes into my mind whenever something happens in my life. I thought we had something special but remembering how I begged her to stay caused me to believe that I was just a speck in her universe. I was nothing but a page in her book that she didn't hesitate to turn.

Our friendship has always been special, we were more affectionate than the others. There was something in me that wanted to always have contact with her. My body was craving for her touch, my eyes somehow looks at her every single time. It's like she's everything I want and need subconsciously. I could be crying all day but even just the sight of her brightens up my day. I could be having a bad day but once she smiles at me, it's like all my problems suddenly vanish into thin air. But everything changed when Fifth Harmony became bigger and bigger.

I didn't even realize that I was crying up until I saw the some wet parts on my journal. I've been writing since I woke up this morning, my hand couldn't stop scrambling all my depressing thoughts onto paper. It's then I realized that I'm being so pathetic right now. Lauren's probably somewhere in the world partying the hell out of tonight. Or she could be in the beach getting a tan since her skin has always been pale. Or maybe she's asleep right now in the arms of her new lover. My heart hurts at the thought of someone having the chance to fall asleep next to her. I can't help but chuckle bitterly since I'm currently on my bedroom floor crying for someone who's not even coming back. I'm crying over someone that I've lost two fucking years ago.

I decided to alleviate the pain of losing her through sleeping. Maybe tomorrow's going to be a good day. Maybe it could be one of those rare days that I would simply think of her as part of my past that I could never bring back. But before shutting my eyes, I couldn't stop myself from wishing that I should've been the one holding her safe as she sleeps. Lauren left but she's still everywhere I go. She's a dream and a nightmare at the same time.

A/N: It's honestly so overwhelming to know that you took some time to read my story. It means the world to me that I finally wrote something that's close to my heart. Thank you x

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