Maybe This Time (camren/laucy)

Chapter 7

Camila's POV

The first thing that I saw when I opened my eyes this morning was my mother's concerned gaze. It's almost like she's staring deep into my soul and uncovering all my secrets. When she noticed that I was already awake, a tired smile appeared on her face. And even though I'm considered as an adult now, my mother's presence still calms me somehow.

   "You haven't gone out of the house since last week, mija." I know that she's worried about me because I haven't really been social to anyone these past few months. I still talk to some of my friends once in a while but I'm not really close to anyone nowadays. I prefer to keep things to myself because in that way I wouldn't get hurt.

   "I like being alone, mom. It helps me think clearly." A sigh escaped her lips once I said that. What's so wrong about wanting to be alone all the time? I've learned the hard way to never trust people to always be there for you because at the end of the day they'd leave you and you would have no one but yourself.

   "What happened to you, Mila? You used to be so happy and lively, but now all I can see are those tired and sad eyes. It's like life has been sucked out of you."

I looked down on my sheets because I refuse to admit that I wasn't the same as before. I'm still the same person that teenagers used to fawn over years ago. I'm still the same person that sang her heart out during shows. I'm still the same person that was stupid enough to depend my happiness on someone that I thought would always be there. I'm so tired of feeling so drained and sad all the time. Why can't I just move on? Oh right, I still love her. I still fucking love her with every piece of my soul even if she left me without even a second glance years ago.

I chose not to respond to her question but instead hug her to show her that I'm trying. I'm trying to forget all the bad things that happened in the past. I want to be the daughter that she deserves. So I decided to grant her request to go out of the house and explore.

   "Fine, I'll go to the park nearby." She flashed me her motherly smile that made me feel like i'm nine years old again.

   "That's all I'm asking, mija." She kissed me on top of my head before leaving the room.

I walked to the park near our house to get some fresh air and sunlight that i've been deprived of for weeks now. I brought my journal with me so that I would have something to do whilst sitting under the shade of the trees. I wrote about the same green eyes that are haunting me in my dreams and even in my waking hours. I heard the sound of laughter in the distance while I was scribbling something. It was the same laugh that used to be my favorite sound to listen to. I can't be mistaken that it's the same laugh that used to make me smile like an idiot.

I hesitantly closed my journal and stood up from where I was sitting to follow the sound of laughter that's making me nauseous. She couldn't be here. The girl that broke my heart can't be here. But as I was getting closer, all I can think about is who's making her laugh like that? I don't think i'm ready to see her happy with someone else. The wounds that she caused me haven't even fully healed yet, it still hurts.

And there she was, looking as beautiful as ever. I cursed myself for not choosing to go home instead. Why do I always chase after things and people that have the capability to hurt me? Why do we always do that? We know deep in our hearts that it would only make us cry but we choose to run after it anyway. Humans tend to love the things and people that have the power to hurt them. And maybe that's just how it is.

A voice that I haven't heard in years interrupted my train of thoughts. A voice that I miss every single day of my life. A voice that belonged to the person who's responsible for my bleeding wounds and evident scars in my heart and soul.

"Camila?"

I wasn't supposed to update today but I just had to. // @1994XJAUREGUI