Confusion

Chapter Fifteen

A/N Hey everyone, i hope you're liking Confusion so far. Sorry if the updates are a bit slow, i am really busy at the moment, but i won't stop writing. Please let me know what you think and what i can do to improve - it would mean so much! I never do author's notes but i think i might start doing! Follow me on instagram @vickyisaninja99 and @mymiddleearth, kik me @vickyisaninja and please let me know what you think. That's all i have to say really, hope you like this update, sorry if it's a little bit short!

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I began to cry uncontrollably onto his shoulder, causing him to pick me up considerately and carry me out to the waiting room, sitting me on his knee.

What I think I liked best about that moment, was that he didn't do what everyone else would have done. He didn't tell me it was okay, because it wasn't. Nor did he tell me that everything was going to be fine, because he didn't know that it would. He just held me and let me cry into the crook of his neck for as long as I needed. Which I am very thankful for, because it allowed me to get everything out.

I'm a very strong person 99.9% of the time, but in that moment, I felt like I was going to die from a broken heart. My mum had always been there. Yes, she wasn't sober the majority of the time, but she was there. Dad wasn't, he was in prison, what good was he to me in there? Mum was my rock. She was weird, and complicated and short-tempered, and I hated her with everything I had, but now, she was gone. At forty three she was gone and she wasn't coming back. She had wasted her life away and how had I helped? By deserting her and telling people, whether they asked or not, that I wanted nothing to do with her and that I was ashamed of her.

I cried in that waiting room for three whole hours, until

just before two in the morning.

I remember looking up sleepily at Robby. He was wide awake, looking down at me lovingly, with a 'keep crying if you need to' look on his face. He hadn't fallen asleep or got bored, he'd stayed with me and that showed true commitment.

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I fell asleep on the way home, my head leant against the window and when we reached home, I felt myself being lifted to bed.

I opened my eyes to find myself in bed, he'd taken my jeans off and hoodie so I was just wearing a vest top and underwear.

I watched him as he undressed himself, oblivious to the fact that I had my eyes open, watching his every movement as intently as a cat watches a mouse.

"I know you're watching me babe" he whispered without looking at me as he unbuckled his belt and took off his jeans.

Okay perhaps not.

I didn't answer, I just smiled a little at his statement and when he had finished undressing himself so he was in just his briefs, he clambered into bed next to me and wrapped me into his arms tightly.

Thoughts began to race through my head as I laid there, feeling his chest rise up and down rhythmically and listening to his heartbeat. One of those thoughts that stayed with me for the longest was if it had been him. What if it has been Robby that I had lost tonight and not mum?

The thought petrified me and images of his face all broken and bloody from an accident flashed across my mind, causing a large lump for form in my throat.

"Pais?" he asked gently.

"Yeah?" I chocked out, my voice barely audible.

"I love you so much" he answers, pulling back a little to look me in the eyes.

"Robby, I love you more than life itself. I can't begin to comprehend how hurt and emotionally damaged I would be if it was you that I lost tonight. Never again being able to feel the electric feeling I do when you touch me, or the longing pain when you're not next to me. Never being able to tell you what to wear, or feel my heart leap when I get a text, hoping its from you. Never to hear you sing in the shower or be able to point to you and say 'that one's him, that's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with'. Every time I'd drive past Starbucks my heart would ache, every time I'd hear the fray I'd have to turn the radio off to stop myself crying, but it wouldn't work. I never want to lose you, because until now, my life was utter shit and now, now you've made it worthwhile, you've picked me up and dusted me off and made me feel loved for the first time ever. I absolutely adore you and I do not know what I would do if I were never to see you again".

Then it was as if everything stopped. Like someone had paused us and we just sat there staring into each other's eyes, which was really tension building. Then the play button got pressed and I saw a tear run down from his eye.

"Come here" he croaked, pulling me in as tightly as he could, putting his hand on the back of my head and kissing every inch of my face. I began to cry a little too, but after a few minutes we had calmed down.

He rolled onto his back and I rested my head on his warm chest and draped my arm across his torso, putting my leg in between his and closing my eyes to hear the sound of his heart thumping with a steady beat against his chest.

"I'll never leave you Pais, never ever, you know that don't you?" he asked as he ran his fingers through my hair in a relaxing motion.

"I do now" I answered honestly. I knew I would never leave him myself, but he had never said that he felt the same way too until now.

"Well I want you to remember it, because I will never leave you here alone, ever, no matter what happens, I will always pull through, because I couldn't bare being without you for more than a split second".

I felt my eyes start to water again, but I pushed the tears back.

"I love you baby" I whispered, kissing his toned chest a couple of times a before lying my head back down and drifting off into a long desired sleep.