Haii. Well, today was another boring day. LOL.
Not Funny.
Soo I went to sleep at like 2 in the morning on Sunday. And I had set an alarm at 5:30, so I woke up like 3 hours after I had fallen asleep. And I was fucking tired. I set two alarms, one at 5 fucking 30 in the morning and then another one at 6:45 because I was going to go to church at 8. So I was tripping ball sack at church. Then we got their like 10 minutes late. And I go to the Mexican/Spanish church and their was A LOT of us their. We had to stand up against the wall in the back. My brain was definitely not functioning but it was something, I went to church.
So yeah. I came home, slept and went on here. lol
Soooooooooooooo, today, MONDAY. I went to the mall. It was pretty fun. I went alone because I love to spend time in Forever 21. By time I mean 4 hours, and by love, I mean fucking adore, Forever 21 is my life. I bought a varsity cardigan. It is CUTE.
I went to Hot Topic too. I like that store quite a bit. I bought gauges. I barely started wearing them and I got 14's, they are small but they hurt like a mother fucking bitch. They are all black and they have like splatter paint on them. They are cute.
I went to Bath & Body Works and I got 3 candled. One is the Mahogany Teakwood, Autumn Leaves, and Flannel. They make my room smell fucking bomb. They are 3 for 10$ so, stock up. LOL. But they are the small ones, like 1.4 oz. or something like that.
One Direction: Oh my fucking lord Jesus Christ. Some dumb bitch stole Liam Payne's underwear. What the actual fuck? Who would do that? So, I guess she climbed onto his balcony and took them. They were red. LOL. Umm, so I guess the Sydney Police found her and she was wearing them over her shorts. Like, dumb bitch. So she took them off and had to apologize to Liam.
Janoskians: Soo, Jai Brooks made a twit longer thing on Twitter, obviously. And he was saying how much he loved Ariana and she cheated on him with Nathan Skyes from the Fucking UNwanted. He looks like Sid from Ice Age. LOL. Don't even lie ;D. The part that got to me was when he said, "Nathan if you read this, when you hold her hand you better hold it tight because you are holding my world." Like who in their right fucking minds would cheat on JAI MOTHERFUCKING BROOKS? He is like the sweetest guy and you could see that he was madly in love with her. He is adorable and I hope he moves on. <3
So, last night, I cut... again.
I don't know why I fucking did it but it made me feel week and vulnerable. I was crying on my bed and I was trying to do it quietly so no one heard me because I don't want the petty they are going to give me, like they always do. They say they understand when they obviously DONT. They don't understand how much it hurts to be scared of who you have become. They don't know how much it hurts to blame yourself for your father leaving you and your family. They don't know how much I hate myself. They don't fucking know how many times per day suicide runs through my mind. They don't understand how many times per day I imagine the world without me and how I feel like no one would notice.
No one cares.
I have no one.
I am on my fucking own.
Cutting takes me somewhere happy, where I don't have a care in the world and I am happy with what I see in the mirror. I punched my mirror last night. It shattered and the mirror is still in my knuckles. I started running. I ran around my neighborhood last night, hopefully that takes some fat off of me. I haven't eaten for like 2 days.
Eating is for the weak, and I am not fucking weak.
I am strong.
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A/N:
Hey guys, I got kind of emotional when I wrote this. But yeah, that happened last night and I feel terrible.
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I love you for reading <3
Stay strong <3
