Fuck everything.
Today is the first day I have put my finger in my throat and made myself throw up. It sucks.
I cried.
I haven't slept.
I'm tired.
I have been shaking all fucking day.
I'm always cold.
I have a new bruise.
There is a voice in my head telling me how fat I am.
How worthless I am.
How I no one will want my ugly ass.
You know why I haven't killed myself? Because of One Direction. Most of you face fucks say they are "gay", "faggots" etc. but they are not. They are truly caring people. Yes, they ruined my life. No, I don't care. You know why? Because they have SAVED my fucking life. They have songs like ''Little Thing's", which says things like:
''I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile,
you've never loved your stomach or your thighs,
the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine,
but I'll love them endlessly..."
The first time I tried to kill myself, I was going to do it with One Direction playing in the background. I hadn't been on my laptop for a while and when I searched ''One Direction'' on Youtube, it came up and sure, I cried but I didn't kill myself. I put the painkillers away and put the knife back in the kitchen because even though One Direction does not and will not ever know I exist, I know that they care. Like no one ever will.
"Diana" is dedicated to those fans who self harm. Their are tears running down my face as I write this because of how touching that song is. Story behind it: So I guess Princess Diana was suicidal. To them, we are their Princesses and the self harmers are the 'Diana's'. I believe Niall Horan or Perfect Horan wrote it. It says things like:
"Let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life,
I don't think you even realize baby you'd be saving mine."
How fucking perfect is that? Like they have saved me from depression multiple times. The music that they make actually says something to me. Just listening to the music that they make is enough for me. I know for a fact that they don't know of my existence and I could care less. But just stop hating on them. They might be famous but they have feelings. When someone insults them it literally feels like a train hit me. No one should hate on the 5 guys who save people like me. The suicidal people. The people who hate themselves. The people who don't care to live. So just stop all of the fucking hate that you shit faces give them. Just stop. To some of us, they are our heroes and you might not give a flying fuck but be fucking considerate. Please? Thanks.
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A/N:
A bit of how I feel. More like a rant. But I was crying.
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