Project Castaway (Sequel to Project 14)

Chapter 12

"Have you seen Josh?" I asked.

Lily shrugged. August was holding her in his arms. "Don't know. He's your boyfriend."

I sighed and grabbed my shotgun and sweatshirt and walked outside. There was faint figure on top of the hill amongst the fog. I pulled my sweatshirt closer to me and began walking towards the hill. As I got closer I noticed it was Josh. He had tear stained cheeks. His knees were pulled up to his chest.

I sat down next to him. He chuckled. "God, I'd hate to you see me like this." And he sniffled.

"What's wrong?" I asked with a touch of worry in my voice.

Tears fell down his face. "Do you ever wish you could go back to how life was before the war broke out? Just handle the Experiments and life is fine?"

"Sometimes, but why are you thinking about this?"

"I wish I could go back to my normal life. I miss my warm bed. Hell, I miss my parents. God only knows where they are. I wish I never met Lily."

"Lily saved your life." I stated. "You'd be dead if it wasn't for her."

"Never mind," Josh wiped tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry for bugging you so much while you were healing."

I chuckled. "You were worried. I understand. I was going through a lot and I had thoughts, but I'm okay now."

Josh looked over at me. His eyes were red and the blue of his eyes had a glossy look to them. "Thoughts?"

"I've been undergoing a lot of suicidal thoughts. It's over now. Just don't worry."

He nodded and looked back to the bleak city. I set my head on his shoulder. Josh rested his head above mine. We sat there in silence. And this moment brought back great memories.

We got back to the apartment and noticed there were clothes scattered all over. "I bet they were having fun." Josh whispered and I chuckled.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. I felt Josh wrap his arm around my waist. He whispered something in my ear. "Come on. We just got back."

He groaned. Josh kissed my cheek. I turned around and Josh set me on the counter. "Why not love?" He made puppy dog eyes and a pouty face.

"Not in the mood." I whispered. "Plus, I hear too much from August and Lily."

Josh nods and pulls me down. He kisses my lips and walks over to the couch. I told him that I was going to go out and hunt for a bit. Josh nodded and I left.

Just as I was about to reach the bitterness from outside, someone came up behind me and wrapped their hand over my mouth. I grabbed my shotgun from my side and hit the person in the stomach with it. They stepped back and I backed up towards the wall.

I suddenly felt hot flashes and my cheeks, I could feel, were turning crimson. My breathing was getting abnormal. I was hyperventilating. Dropping to my knees, I lost feeling in my hands.

The person in front of me was August. I was having a panic attack. It was violent. I began crying and I couldn't open my balled fist. August soon ran upstairs. My mind was racing. I pulled my legs out from under me and I sat up against the wall of the abandoned restaurant. Someone came up to me and got on their knees.

"Cassie, listen to my voice. It's Josh. I'm here." He said. I was getting light-headed.

Josh's soothing voice began to make its way to my ears. Tears wouldn't stop falling. He told me that I had to open my hand. I knew I was going to go into shock soon enough. My hand tried to open but it shut instantly. My body began to shake. I felt Josh wrap his hand around my other hand. My palms began to sweat and there were purple crescent moon marks in my hand.

"I – I'm so – so sc – scared," I stuttered.

"I need you to breathe in," Josh said and I did as he told me to. "Count to ten and breathe out."

I followed his instructions.

"Good, now do it again until you start to feel calm." Josh looked to my eyes. I nod and kept on doing what he told me to do.

A smile formed across his face. I had to recover. The tingling won't slow for a while but my breathing went back to normal. Josh pulled me into a hug. I sighed shakily.

I pulled away from his embrace. Josh helped me up. He began to lean in and kissed me to ensure that I was alright. When he pulled away he rested his forehead against my forehead.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"What are you sorry about?"

"I should've told you about those panic attacks before. They were never that bad."

"But how did they start?" Josh rested his hands on my waist.

"The first time Junior disappeared." I couldn't help the thoughts about Junior.

"He was your best friend. You have a perfect reason."

I shook a little from the cold. Josh let go of me and we headed upstairs. We got to the apartment and I went straight to my room. Josh followed. "It's like my panic attacks are demons. These demons . . . they're taking over me. The attacks are getting more violent and no one's there to help me."

Josh stayed silent and his lips turned into a straight line. I looked away awkwardly. I pulled myself fully onto the bed and criss-crossed my legs. Lily's bedroom door opened and she wandered around the apartment. Her eyes landed on us. I noticed she was staring at me.

Lily continued walking. "Has she gotten different?" I asked once she was gone.

Josh shrugged. "A girl meets a guy she enjoys and then she changes. It's nothing new."

"What makes you say that?"

Josh chuckled and shook his head. "I had a girlfriend at one point in my life. She met someone better than me. She didn't even bother telling me that she was fucking the guy."

I stayed silent and plucked at my blanket. Then I noticed Josh was crying again. I sat next to him and wrapped my arm around him. Josh has never cried. Not like this. I felt him rest on my shoulder.

"Josh, are you crying because of me? Do I remind of someone?"

"I couldn't go on without her. I am afraid that you'll leave just like her."

"I wouldn't leave. I didn't leave when we were Experiments. There's no way in hell I'm leaving now." I whispered.

Josh stayed where he was at. This kid was more broken than I thought.