A Cold Wind Blows (Forgotten series, #3)

Chapter 11: Part 4

I wanted to leave, I didn't want to be there. Everything about the area was bringing me back to that time and I didn't want to deal with it but as Graham lead me to a chair, I complied. I sat down and he crawled into my lap, shaking slightly as he settled down.

"I'm gunna miss her." He sounded torn and I cupped his cheek, pressing his face to my chest before I let my hand drop. He gave a shuddering sigh as he seemed to nuzzle closer. "What do you do when you miss yer parents?" He sniffled slightly and I blinked.

"I remind myself that I do not have the right to miss them because I was the one that left them first." I didn't have any rights to miss those that I had hurt with my actions. Words had been said, anger had controlled actions. I had stormed away from them and it was my punishment to bear their grief for the daughter they had lost and believed to be dead.

"What about me?" He clutched at my jacket, his tone so forlorn that my wolf's whine in response to it, escaped my throat.

"Remind yourself that she loved you as a mother should." Even if I didn't believe she loved the children enough in the end, I highly doubted she had neglected them when her mate had been alive.

"I don't want her to go." He sounded almost pitiful and his whimpers caught the attention of Caden who shuffled over, his hands blindly reaching for me as tears streamed from his eyes. He was too sensitive of a soul.

"Life happens and if she dies, she dies. We cannot stop the angel of death from taking those he wishes." I watched as Caden reached my side, soundless sobs shaking his shoulders as he attempted to climb into my lap. I lifted him up and he buried his face into my neck. Lander held Eli tightly, both of them seeking comfort from each other while their brothers sought comfort from me.

I closed my eyes, trying to drown everything out. There was so much grief in the air, it was almost enough to choke me. I remembered that clearly from the last time I had been in a hospital, except it had been my own grief suffocating me. I didn't want to be in the infirmary. I didn't want to wait for news of a birth. I didn't want to be the source of comfort for the two little boys that clung to me. I didn't want to to stay but I did.

I stayed through Caden's tears and his faint trembling. I stayed through Graham sliding off my lap, murmuring to Eli as he took him to the worn out toy box. I stayed as the silence, that once brought me peace and the ability to relax for a moment, seemed to become overwhelming. I stayed as I watched the young boy, who had held the burden of protector and provider, finally crack under the strain. I had stayed as he moved over and clung to me like his brothers had, his arms around my waist and his head in my lap. I stayed as he cried, running my hand through his roughly cut hair.

I stayed for a reason I didn't know.

Perhaps I stayed to try and bear the burden of some of their grief because I too had been stuck in a similar position with no one to hold me and let me grieve. Perhaps I stayed because my wolf demanded it of me. Perhaps I stayed because of some long lost maternal instinct to help those in need. All I knew was that I stayed.

I was drowning in my own pain, my own memories but I stayed.

A nurse finally came out, her smile friendly but fake. Caden had woken up a few minutes before, clinging to me just as tightly as he had before he had fallen asleep. She looked around at the boys and I ground my teeth together, the urge to snarl at her was strong. They needed to grieve in peace.

"Your baby sister is here. Your mother wants to see you." She held her hand outwards Graham but he leaned away, looking at it warily as he shuffled backwards, towards me.

"Go." My voice cracked slightly, it had been the first time I had spoken in what felt like hours and if the stiffness in my muscles were anything to go by, I hadn't moved in that long either. I set Caden onto the floor and he gave a small cry, clinging onto my leg, unwilling to let me go. "Go to your mother." I stood up completely, ignoring how my muscles screamed at me as they moved. Lander came over and took Caden away as he cried, reaching for me. I moved away from them, towards where I remembered the door was.