A Cold Wind Blows (Forgotten series, #3)

Chapter 23: Part 2

"I don't!" There was a touch of hysteria to her tone and I watched her lazily.

"You do." I knew she would deny it. She would deny it over and over again but in the end there could only be acceptance of what those emotions were. They scared her, it scared her that she hated the world and herself that much, that she hated the moon and her mate to the point of losing control but it did her no good to deny the feelings.

"You know nothing!" She gave a low growl that had my wolf swishing her tail in amusement. She viewed it like a little puppy upset about not getting a bigger portion of the hunt.

"Don't I?" I slowly raised an eyebrow and she shot to her feet.

"How can you sit there and tell me what is wrong with me but never acknowledge what is wrong with you? You are a hypocrite!" Her shoulders were shaking and more tears pooled in her eyes. The crash was coming, the relentless torrent of tears that followed a bit of acceptance. It was a cycle of healing, she would have her ups and downs, there was never a steady climb.

"I will tell you one thing, Larissa." I finished up my cup of tea. It hadn't been terrible. I could imagine it tasted better hot. I looked at the upset female. "Hate and rage will destroy you... but grief and sorrow will destroy me." I set the cup off to the side. I could tell Bella truly loved the delicate tea set. It had been wrapped in a top cupboard before Larissa took it out.

"I don't understand." She sniffled, wiping at her nose with her arm.

"You should go before my wolf grows tired of your snivelling." I looked at her and she sniffled again before she shook her head. She needed to leave and cry where her mate could comfort her because she would find no comfort from me. I didn't even know how to self-soothe, she needed to leave because the only creatures I hugged were my little ones.

"Why are you like this?" She wiped at her eyes and I tilted my head at her, an almost amused smile tugging at my lips.

"Why on earth would I be like this, Larissa? What ever could have been done to me to make me incapable of comforting another person?" I tilted my head the other way, watching her intently. "I wonder." I drawled the word out and she flinched. I flicked my hand at her, a dismissal.

"Go to your den and cry. I do not do tears." I stood up and picked up the delicate cup I had drunk my tea from. I turned my back on her rather coldly.

Apathy. I clung to it as a child did to a security blanket. It was much easier to pretend to others that I didn't care when I was a hurricane of self-discovery within my own mind. The storm had a fury that was strong enough to rip apart my carefully constructed walls and drown me in its unrelenting fury.

The front door closed and I closed my eyes, exhaling heavily. She was better off being with her mate. I could only batter her walls, I couldn't help her sort through the broken pieces. I could barely sort through my own.

I was having a hard enough time with Lander. I had finally put my foot down after he started to snap at his brothers, at me. His emotions had been bottled up too much and it was starting to crack. He was a juvenile and I refused to allow him to break because people could get hurt, his brothers especially. Juveniles lost control easily, they attacked and struck out without thought.

The first time his voice raised at me, that he puffed his chest up at me, his emotions pouring off of his small form. I had grabbed his arm and drug him into the house. He had been scared as if expecting a harsh retaliation to his actions but I had simply pushed him onto the couch and sat beside him before pulling him so his head was on my lap, running my hand through his hair over and over again. He had struggled until he simply stopped and he cried.