A Cold Wind Blows (Forgotten series, #3)

Chapter 25: Part 2

"I'm proud that you are letting Azrael spend more time with Nina." She said it slowly as if afraid I would snap at her. I turned to her, blinking lazily. I wanted to smirk, everyone tiptoed around the issue of Azrael with me, as if the mere mention of the male would send me into a fury. I was fine with him as long as he wasn't saying redundant things or irritating me incessantly but it was like everyone was terrified of mentioning him around me like I was a vengeful god. It took a lot more than a mention of a male to make me angry. Damascus used to get that reaction but he was dead and buried and I no longer cared.

"He is her father and my anxiety is an irritant that I would like to be without." It was a weakness. There was no reason for me to try and deal with it. The tightening in my stomach and the constant tension wasn't anything that helped me. I needed to train myself from reacting like that. I turned back to watching the two younger shifters.

Brin was a good girl, she was one I appreciated around the children, soft and caring. Lander needed that. I knew where I lacked in the emotion department and I made sure there were others around who could fulfil the roles that I couldn't. I wasn't a softer person, I was rather intense and intimidating and I didn't know how to turn it off, even for the boys. I tried, the moon knows I did, but it was a difficult thing for me. It was why I liked Brin and Caeda. They provided that softness that the boys needed, a soft presence to counter my harshly intense one.

It was the same with Azrael as well. He provided the children with a playful and joyful presence. I could play a bit with the children but I was far too awkward to do as he usually did. I acknowledged my restrictions and I worked on them but it didn't mean I would allow the children to be lacking because I was in those aspects.

"You get very anxious don't you?" There was a slight curiosity to her voice and I wanted to scoff at her word choice. I got more than 'very anxious'.

"Extremely." That was as close as I could get. I got extremely anxious when I had to leave the children or when they went elsewhere. It was an almost body numbing feeling. Which is why I wanted to train myself to no longer feel that way. It was starting to crawl under my skin as we walked and I hated it.

"Why?"

"I had a lot taken from me, Larissa." My voice was slightly sharp. She of all people should have understood my anxiety with leaving my children. She admitted that even leaving the twins with Markus sometimes made her anxious. "My wolf refuses to lose another future. She wants them where she can see them." It was all it was and I felt the exact same. I needed to see them to reassure myself that they were okay and well.

"What about you?" She was looking at me, her eyes on the side of my face as we walked. I could see the compound wall through the breaks in the trees. It was never a far walk but it also let me know just how far I was away from the youngest of the children, Nina especially. I shoved the thought away before it could sink in. I didn't need to focus on the distance between us. It did nothing but cause me unnecessary tension.

"I am the same. What she feels, I feel. We are the same." It had always been that way, ever since the Sol Warriors. We were melded closer together than the rest of the shifters because we had survived a hell that not many would go through without turning to ash.

"I see." A silence fell and we walked through the gate to the compound. Shifters milled around and they raised their hands in acknowledgement. Larissa gave a thin smile and raised hers in return and I simply allowed my gaze to wander over them, scanning them lazily. I got smiles and bowed heads but I kept my expression blank. I knew what they thought I was, there was no reason for me to put any credence to their thoughts.

"Stay out of the way, tiny." The voice and small commotion immediately had my gaze snapping towards Lander and Brin and my eyes narrowing dangerously. A group of older juveniles were laughing as they attempted to move past where Brin was sitting on the ground. She looked shocked and hurt and my eyes immediately narrowed in on the group. One of them had knocked her over, intentional or not they would rectify it.