A Cold Wind Blows (Forgotten series, #3)

Chapter 23

Three weeks later

"I had a bad day today." Larissa's voice cut through the slight haze of anxiety I had swirling through my body like a slow building storm. Azrael and Uriel had the boys, they were taking them around the compound. It made my heart lurch unpleasantly in my chest and made me hold Nina to my chest tighter. My wolf whimpered incessantly about the distance between her and our pups and her anxiety was my own. The only reason we hadn't sought them out was the little life we had tucked close to our chest. "What about you? Did you have a bad day?" Her words sank into my consciousness, pulling me away from my thoughts once more and I frowned slightly.

The day after the bathhouse when she had been in the pool I had claimed as my own, she had come to the house with her twins. I hadn't wanted her too, hadn't invited her over but she had stood there, a weary smile on her face as she asked if she could come in. It had been a different expression than the slightly puzzled one that had faded to realization as I has sat with her in the pool. I had shaken her for a reason I hadn't known before she had left.

The expression she had on her face as she stood in the doorway that day had made me stop myself from closing it immediately, denying her entry. She had looked vulnerable and her expression held pain. She had swallowed and stammered out her greeting before asking me if she could come in. I had wanted to close it on her and I had taken a step backwards to do just that when she reached out, grasping my shirt and telling me that she knew.

I know, Lace. I know how it hurts and I know how hard it is to breathe at times because you miss them so much. I know how much it hurts to remember.

Larissa had seen what I had held so tightly. Her pain recognizing my own and had her seeking me out. I had stared at her for a few minutes before I stepped away, letting her into the house. I didn't know what I had been doing at the time but now I recognized what my book had been telling me. I needed someone to speak to me that understood what I had gone through. There would be no pity from her just a stark understanding because we had suffered the same.

I hated relying on the book and I hated trying to figure out my issues. I knew a majority of them but I hadn't actually wanted to do anything about them because thinking about them hurt too much. Now I had too. It was for the boys, for Nina. I had to get better so I could do better for them.

"Lace?" Larissa sounded concerned and I shook my head slightly, clearing myself of the thoughts.

"Boys aren't here." It made me and my wolf anxious. We trusted Uriel and Azrael hadn't given us a reason not to trust him, the exact opposite actually, but we were still wary. It didn't matter who had the boys, we simply didn't like them out of sight. It had been okay when Lander and Graham had gone to school because Caden and Eli had been with me. It helped keep the anxiousness at bay but now it was slamming into me relentlessly.

"I know. It makes you anxious." She looked at me carefully and I gave a sharp nod. It was bad but I was trying to keep it under control.

"Yes." I stretched out my fingers, refusing to let the urge compel me to rid myself of the feelings. I had taken to a dangerous habit of scratching myself. I had noticed it a few days after I had thrown the knives away. It had been an unconscious movement, my claws digging into my arms as I crossed them. I had been subconsciously seeking out the pain to drive everything away. I was now hyper aware of where my claws were, of what my hands were doing when I started to feel overwhelmed.

"So a bad day then?" Bad day? Yes.

I bounced Nina in my arms, trying to quell the feelings rushing through me. She was more needy today, more fussy. She had been acting off for nearly two days. I wasn't sure what was going on with her. Uriel suggested that she might have started teething before explaining that sometimes young infants started teething but wouldn't cut a tooth for a long while. Azrael had agreed with him and I had to concede that both males knew more than me about infants.