A Cold Wind Blows (Forgotten series, #3)

Chapter 31

Nearly twenty-four hours later

Pain raked at my insides so harshly that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. I was curled up in the chair beside Caden's cot in the infirmary, watching him sleep. He was heavily sedated, both the healers and the doctor had recommended it.

The doctor, despite his comments about Nina's weakness previously, had my gratitude. He had worked tirelessly for four hours, stitching up Caden's wounds, making sure he would survive. He had my gratitude as Mason did.

When Mason realized he was Caden's blood type he stayed in the OR with him, sitting by his side, holding his hand as he had a tube connecting him to Caden to share his blood. He had a healer sit with him, replenishing what he had given so he could give even more. He hadn't accepted my thanks, telling me it was what family did.

I rubbed at my chest and fought back tears. I had nearly lost Caden. Nearly lost Eli. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes. Nothing could replace the image of seeing him so still in Azrael's arms. I thought the moon had taken him from me, taken him to be with my other boy and I felt like I could barely breathe.

So much hurt for what? Jealousy and pride.

Azrael had tried to apologize for not listening to me sooner, for not taking me seriously. I could see it eating him up inside and all I could feel was gratitude that he had actually listened. If he hadn't, if he had ignored me I wondered just how many of my little ones would have died. It have been one of the extra patrols that had caught the scent of the intruders and the warriors had been on them in less than half an hour. They had been heading for our house, towards our children.

I tried to explain that to Azrael, tried to let him know that it didn't matter than he hadn't listened before. That was a petty thing to hold above him. He had listened in the end and it saved our children from an unknown fate. I held my knees to my chest and tried to breathe through the pain as tears rolled down my cheeks. I wasn't a person to cry. I wasn't.

I sniffled and pressed my forehead to my knees. I felt like I was locked in that hospital room again. Unending tears, heartache, and pain. It was a heavy weight on my chest something that I couldn't make go away, no matter how hard I tried. During the day I had curled up on Caden's hospital floor on a bunch of blankets, the rest of the children with me. Eli had buried his face in his blanky, Azrael has searched the entire area until he had found it. I had held them tightly as we lay on the floor and Azrael had joined us as we napped but it wasn't enough.

What had happened had cut me deeper than any blade I ever used on myself. It hurt me more than anything the Sol Warriors had done to me. It was brutal and vicious and crushed my throat and my chest to the point I felt like I would pass out because I couldn't breathe. If I looked at Caden it made it that much worse. I felt helpless, just like I had when my boy died.

"Hey." At the soft word I felt like choking, words rushing up into my throat, making it so hard to breathe. I could feel him crouching in front of me and I shook hard in my spot. I was fighting against everything and I was so tired. So tired of it all. I just wanted to be better, just wanted to have the pain go away. I felt my shoulders shake as I held back everything that wanted to come out. "You haven't moved since we put the kids to bed." Azrael's voice was soft with concern and my wolf's ears perked up but she was just as incapacitated as I was.

"I lost our boy." The words were a croak that was carried on a sob and a flood of tears. It needed to come out, the pain needed an outlet and right now it was through my words. I could feel his fingertips faintly brush against my arm. A touch yet not, my nerves feeling more than they should have in his presence but even that wasn't enough to drown out the pain.