Where's Adam

Chapter 1

It was dawn and in typical Chicago fashion it was cold...so fucking cold. Adam Ruzek had tried to bundle up against the frigid air but found it almost impossible and the heat in the unmarked van he currently found himself did nothing.

He could see his breath as he spoke. "How much longer?" He cupped his hands in front of his mouth and blew into them and quickly rubbed them together, hoping to warm them.

Al checked his watch, "Not sure Kid..you seem on edge..something happen?" He had to be careful in his line of questioning, it was obvious Adam hated the constant barrage of questioning but he'd be remiss if he didn't ask.

Adam bounced his head softly against the headrest, "Shit...you too? Atwater's been on my ass...I'm fine. It's nothing" he pointed to the house they'd been sitting on, "we've got work to do..how 'bout we do it?" He released an exasperated sigh.

The question was always the same, it was just the person asking it who changed.

He wanted to send out a fucking bulletin, he was fine. He was fine that day in court and he was still fine now.

Sure, fine was a stretch. He was crushed, heartbroken, devastated those were just the words he used lately. He'd only allow himself to feel those words in the safety of his apartment, he wasn't going to wear his feelings on his sleeve anymore.

He did that once and it ended up being his downfall.

It was obvious he had been far more invested in their relationship then she had been, sure he was slow to commit to an apartment or set a date but she'd been the one to mention postponing the wedding first. He didn't feel a sense of urgency on her part, and it didn't matter to him, being with her was all that mattered.

It wasn't that he didn't want to marry her..he did. He just wanted her to be happy and if that meant holding off on the wedding so be it.

Everything seemed copacetic until he had to cancel the dinner with her mother and his dad.

Without warning or an explanation she dropped her engagement ring in the palm of his hand. Her only words reverberated through his head, even now 'you don't want to be on the hook...I'm letting you off'

Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry" Al said sheepishly when he looked over at his partner and friend, "we're all worried about you...you're not the same Adam."

Adam ran his hands down his thighs, "I'll never be the same again...I put my heart in her hands and she fucking obliterated it." He still refused to allow her name to cross his lips.

He wasn't comfortable with hatred he felt for her, it came in waves and it was a constant battle between love and hate.

That was the kicker though, through it all in spite of how she had hurt him he loved her just as much as he did the day he showed up on her doorstep.

He loved Kim Burgess with his entire soul, the saddest part of all of this? He'd always love her...he just wasn't enough for her. He should have known from day one that they wouldn't last, she was too good for him. He didn't deserve her in his life, he had fooled himself into thinking he did.

Al felt for his protege, "C'mon kid..let me buy you breakfast. We're done here, just got word" he held his iPhone up for Adam to read.