Sometimes You Need To Let Down Your Hair

Chapter 11

       First I rummaged through the loose leaf papers on mother's desk. However, I found nothing that caught my eye. Then I searched around her night table beside her bed. Still nothing. I looked in her dresser, and on her book shelf as well. There wasn't anything there either. I sighed, maybe I had worried about nothing. After all, there wasn't anything in the room that would point to a past that mother had neglected to mention. 

       I sat down on the floor and drew my knees up to my chest. This searching was hopeless. Maybe there just wasn't anything to find. I shook my head and stood up. I might as well go back to my room. I walked to the door then heard something I wasn't expecting.

       Mother's voice. Her cheery voice stopped my heart,"I'll be right back, I'm just going to grab something from my room." Oh no. Aa her footsteps came closer to the room I looked around frantically for a place to hide. How would I explain this? Sure, when I was certain that she had been hiding something I was confident. I was empty handed though! My confidence and price could wait until I found something. Anyway, if I let myself be caught I would end up not ever getting another chance to go through her things.

       My searching eyes landed on the closet. I silently ran into it, and shut the door. I was glad mother had a large walk-in closet. It let there be many places to hide. I sat on the floor behind her long dresses and boots just as I heard her enter the room. I heard her search for something before coming into the closet. "Where is that phone book of mine," she mumbled to herself. 

       I dug my fingers into the soft carpet when she turned on the LED light in the closet. Bright light filled the room, and I pressed myself against the wall. I closed my eyes and held my breath, as if it would make me invisible. The minutes stretched by like hours. Each moment presented a chance for me to get caught. Then just like that, she left.

       She found what she was looking for then turned out the light. The closet wasn't all the way dark. Light flooded in from her room, so I could still see her.  She didn't even stop to consider that someone could be hiding in the dark as she walked out of the closet. Then she turned off her bedroom light and walked out. 

       Darkness consumed my vision. I crawled out of my hiding spot, and stood up. I thought about where the light switch was and moved in that direction. My hands went up and searched the wall in front of me. Then my left hand slipped into an opening and past some clothes.

       I was caught off guard so I fell forward into the clothes. I there my hands out in front of me to catch myself, and when they did I felt a lever. Mistaking it for the light switch, I flipped it down. All a sudden a box tumbled out from somewhere. It grazed my shoulder as it fell, so I was able to locate it easily. Then I decided to not bother about the closet light, and moved into mother's room instead. Once there, I turned on the light and sat on the floor. I took the top of the box off and sat it beside me.

       I pulled out a worn red folder with shaking hands. This was it. This could be the proof that mother was hiding something from me, or it could be evidence that I was wrong. I opened up the folder and scrunched up my eyebrows. There were newspaper clippings inside, and some paperwork. I sifted through the newspapers first. One cut out article was about a nasty divorce between my mother and another guy. I assumed he was my dad because it talked about a child being in the middle of it. Another clipping told of the result. The man got custody. I covered my mouth in surprise. Was I not supposed to be living here, or was this for that other girl in the picture?

       The other cut-out article was random. It and a few others didn't really make sense. They were about the guy's divorce lawyers. The ink was smudged though, so I could barely read it. It was something bad though. A picture showed a distraught couple crying. I carefully put those back in the box and turned to examine the other contents. There was a blue photo album for that girl Ruth. On the front page there was her birth certificate. Then there was a lot of baby pictures. They were so cute!

       Mother held her in her arms, and I could practically see the love seeping out of her. Then the pictures weren't so happy. Mother had red eyes in the pictures she was in. Then she wasn't in any. I got to the back of the book, and suddenly all of the pictures were gone. Instead there was a phone number, a school picture from high-school, and a letter. The letter was kinda depressing. Ruth wrote it, and she wasn't very nice. It said, 'Mom I love you, but you shouldn't come to see me right now. I need time. I know that you wanted me, but you wouldn't give up your bad habit for me. It tore our family apart. If you hadn't of been passed out on the couch that night when dad came home, our family would've stayed together.'

       What did this mean? I looked in the box again, but nothing was left. Where were my baby pictures and birth certificate? Didn't I matter as much as her other daughter? Also, why did she never tell me about her? And what did this girl mean? What was mother's 'bad habit', and why was she passed out? I thought about mother's drunken state yesterday. Maybe she used to drink to much. Still though, why hadn't she told me?!

       Leaving the questions burning in my mind, I put everything back in the box and stored it in it's secret place. Then I left mother's room. I was so upset that forgot to shut mother's door quietly. Instead I slammed it shut. I heard a male voice downstairs say "What was that?"

       Mother's voice countered and said, "Nothing I'm sure. Probably raccoons or something."

       "Raccoons? I'll go check that out."

       "No!" Mother exclaimed. "No, you really don't need to. It'll be ok." She said that a little more quietly, more cautious. 

       "I am going to see what that was," the male voice said assertively. I heard his heavy footsteps come to the stairs. I was frozen in place. When he came to the bottom of the stairs I realized that I needed to go back to my room. However, I needed to run in front of the stairs to get to my room. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. It would have to do. I darted to my room and caught a glance of the man. As I ran by we held eye contact for a moment. I shuddered and ran into my room.

       From behind my door I heard a muffled conversation take place. The man spoke first, "Who was that."