Boarding School Rules

Geometry and Insults

"Connor..." is the only thing that I can muster to say to him as I continue to just look at him in complete and utter shock. No one should ever have to go what he just went through his whole entire life. Ever since then, he has to live in constant fear of getting close to someone and losing them.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes as he stuffs his face into his hands. I grab his hands and remove them from his face.

"There is no reason for you to apologize to me," I reassure him as I look at his eyes. All I see is complete brokenness and sadness. "I'm going to be here with you, and I'm never going to leave."

"You can say that," he replies, shaking his head. "But you can't help if you get cancer, die in a car crash, or who knows what else could possibly happen."

"Stop thinking about it," I tell him, trying to find some way to make him calm down.

"I wish I could Haley!" he says sternly, raising his voice at me. "Do you have any idea as to how much I want to forget all of this crap? I want to forget about Elle, and I want to forget about Kelsey, but they are always in my head and never want to leave."

"I'm sorry," I tell him, making it my turn to apologize to him. "I have no idea what it feels like, I can't even imagine, but you couldn't help what happened to either one of them. You didn't cause them, and there was no way you could stop it."

"I know," he says as he looks away from me and at the ground. Our hands are still holding onto each other. "But it seems like all of this only happens to me. Everyone that I love always seems to just disappear."

"I know it's hard," I say, trying to soothe him. "But I'll be here as hard as I possibly can. I can't help it if I were to get into a car crash or if I got seriously sick. I can't control it and you can't control it. There is no reason for you to be blaming yourself for any of this stuff that had happened in the past."

He does not answer me, or even look up at me. I can tell that he is trying to hard not to break down in front of me, and it makes my heart want to break even more than it already is.

"Connor," I say, trying to get his attention. I shake our hands, and his head snaps up and he looks at me. "You can't keep blaming yourself for these things."

"I know," he tells me quietly as his grey eyes meet mine. "It is just hard to always think about."

"You have me now," I tell him. "You have Damian, Tyler, and now Bryce as well. We will always be there for you, and you know it."

"I always try to act cocky and tough all the time around people," he starts as he continues to open up to me. "I do not want them to know that I am breaking down inside. The 'me' that people always see is nowhere close to the real me."

"I realized that very quickly," I say. "I could tell you were a softy on the inside."

"Thanks," Connor tells me as he wipes his eyes and lets out a few sniffles. "I've never really opened up to anyone like this before, besides the guys. Of course, you give a different perspective considering who my roommates are."

"So are you going to stop avoiding me now?" I question him, hoping that he will push his fear out of the way and realize that I am not going anywhere, anytime soon. "And keep attending your classes, and stay in your dorm with your friends?"

"Yeah, I guess so," he answers me, running his shaky fingers through his hair. "If anything ever happens to you though..."

"Connor, stop it," I demand from him. "I want you to look at me right now. I'm going to everything in my possible will not to leave you or let anything happen to me. I know you think you're cursed, but you're not."