Love Outside Of The Office

07

John's POV
"Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve, Jenna. I'm still hoping its you and me in the end. Please call me back. There's so much more I need to say." I hang up the phone, leaving another voice mail, and put my head in my hands. I stare blankly at the divorce papers in front of me that Emily had sent a week ago from New York.
I don't know why she wants a divorce and I didn't ask. I don't need to know. All I know is that I'm not in love with her anymore and I don't know if I ever was. What I feel toward Jenna is so different than what I've ever felt before. But I screwed everything up when I let her go.
I dial her number one more time and it goes straight to voice mail.
"Hey, Jenna. I'm sorry for being...crazy and stuff. But...I just need to talk to you. I want you to know that we're friends. Real friends. And that means that no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I'll still be here. Please call me back Jen."
I hang up the phone and sigh. The Office has been on hiatus since May and we are supposed to be coming back together at the end of this week for script reading. Whether or not Jenna will show up, I don't know. If she does show up, what would I even say? Would things go back to normal?
Before I can ponder my thoughts more, my phone buzzes against the divorce papers on the table. I look at the caller ID but it's an unknown number.
"Hello?" I answer.
"John?" Her beautiful voice fills my ears and my heart rate quickens.
"Jenna." I whisper, smiling. "It's so good to hear your voice."
"John, please stop calling me."
Those few words had enough power to take the breath right out of my lungs.
"I don't want to sound rude, but I'm going through some things right now. I'm working out my life and who I am. I still haven't decided if I'm going to continue being on The Office."
"Jenna please. Don't do this. I need to talk to you. Just let me talk to you in person." I beg her. There is a long silence before she finally speaks again.
"Meet me at our spot at six tonight."
Before I can reply, the line dies. I check my watch and see that I have an hour to look presentable and get to our spot.
I run upstairs and brush my hair and teeth and change my clothes. Our spot is located at the beach near the studio, near the cave. We found it one day when we went for a walk and immediately fell in love with it and claimed it as our own. We go there when we are having a bad day or we just need to get away.
I grab my car keys and run out of the house, locking my door. I get into my car and speed down the road toward our spot. I arrive fifteen minutes early but head toward our spot anyways.
When I walk through the trees and see our spot, I stop and a smile spreads across my face. She is wearing a giant Cowboys shirt and short jean shorts. Her hair is blowing gently in her face and she stares out into the ocean, having not noticed me yet.
I stay where I stand for a bit longer, just taking in the view. I slowly step forward, making more noise so that I don't startle her. She looks up at me and smiles, standing up.
"Hi." I say, still smiling.
"Hi." she says, wrapping her arms around my neck. I pull her to me, breathing in her familiar scent. I pull her in tighter, as tight as I can before releasing her.
"I've missed you." I blurt out. She seems startled at first but smiles.
"I've missed you too." she says honestly.
"Where have you been?" I ask.
"What do you mean?"
"Where have you been staying? Not with...him right?" I ask.
"No! God no. I haven't seen him since he was sent to jail." she says.
"Jail? You told the police?" I ask.
"Yeah. I've been staying with Angela. She has been really helpful through it all. She was the one that convinced me to tell the police." she says, looking down.
"We don't have to talk about it." I tell her. She looks up and smiles at me.
"So what've you been up to?" she asks. "Anything new?"
"Actually...yeah...I am getting a divorce." I tell her, sounding pretty happy.
"Oh my god! John I'm so sorry." she says, her hand brushing my arm.
"No! It's all good. I'm glad. It was a clean break. I think we both knew it wasn't working." I tell her. She smiles slightly and sits back down in the sand. I sit beside her and pull my knees closer to my chest to rest my arms on them.
"Are you alright?" I ask her. She smiles slightly.
"Yeah." she says, I stare at her for a bit longer and she sighs.
"Ever since...the incident, I feel like I'm not even a person anymore. Like I'm just breathing, that's all. And there's a difference between breathing and being alive." she admits. I slowly reach over and take her small, soft hand in my large one.
"And I think..." she starts softly. "I think the bravest thing I've ever done was continue my life when I wanted to die."
A single tear rolls down her cheek and I pull her into a tight hug. I kiss the top of her head and then rest my cheek against it.
"I think I'm quitting." she says. I quickly pull back and look into her watery eyes.
"Why?"
"I think I need to sort my thoughts. And I need to forget about you. And I need you to forget about me." she says.
"That's...impossible for me to do. I think no matter how much time passes by, I will always have a weak spot for you. And that scares the hell out of me, Jenna." I tell her truthfully.
"John, you complicate my life too much for me to stay."
"I complicate it? How?" I ask, standing up.
"I can't tell you!" she shouts.
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I want to be with you. It's as simple and as complicated as that." she says. My eyes widen and my heart races at her statement.