They Told Me I Was Gone ~Joshua Dun FanFiction~

Pretty Weeper

Sitting with Josh at the coffee shop after therapy had become routine. I guess he had nearly the same schedule with his therapist as I did with mine, though I never asked, but he was always leaving the office at the same time as me. We would walk the few blocks to the shop in silence most of the time, then order our drinks and sit in the corner together. I would read and he would usually be on his phone or laptop. I never asked what he was doing, who he was talking to, or anything of that sort. It was none of my business and I didn't exactly care to know.

Today was just like any other day after therapy. We sat in our corner, drinking our drinks and keeping to ourselves but enjoying the company. Therapy has been mostly the same lately; just Maya trying her best to convince me that medication is the only choice I had, and me avoiding the topic as much as humanly possible. I did what I could to not think about it by reading my book, leaning against my chair across from Josh.

"What do you read about?" He asked. Josh never really talked to me and I was perfectly okay with that. He usually left our conversations simple, mostly asking how I was and if I was going to The Bean today, which I always was.

I looked up at him from my copy of Catcher In The Rye which was possibly my second favorite book in the entire world. I read it frequently and it never got boring. "What?" I heard what he said but I didn't understand why he was asking or why he cared what I read about.

"You always read, but what do you read about?" He asked again. He locked his phone and put it on the table, focusing entirely on me which made me anxious.

"I read about, people, I guess, and their adventures and stuff." I answered. It was the easiest way for me to say that I read about the great things in fictional characters lives to make up for my own very dull one. I envied the adventures of Frodo Baggins, Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson. I would never go to Mordor or the Shire, or Hogwarts or Olympus but I didn't have to because I could read about them.

"Are you an adventurous person, Shae?" He asked. I don't know why he was so curious today. He never pried into my life and it was one of the reasons I was so okay with him sitting with me; the only reason why I kind of enjoyed having him around. He didn't know anything about me and he didn't judge me for anything because of that but the more he knew about me the more he would be able to judge me and eventually drop me entirely.

I shook my head, "Unless you count coming here every day, no, I don't go on adventures."

"Do you want to go on an adventure some day, though?"

I thought for a moment and shrugged, "I guess." I knew the real answer was yes. I knew that there were a million places I wanted to go. I wanted to leave Ohio, leave the States. I wanted to see beaches and mountains and forests and volcanoes and anything else that we didn't have here in Columbus. I wanted to go to California and New York City and China and England and Spain and France. I wanted to see the whole world but I knew that because of my depression and anxiety I never would. I couldn't do it alone and I didn't have anyone else.

"If you could go one place in the whole world, where would it be?" He asked intently. It was a question I had never been asked and I never thought anyone would ask. I never even thought about where I wanted to go the most but then, I remembered one thing I always wanted to do, ever since I was in the sixth grade.

"New York City at Christmas." I answered confidently. It was a strange, new found, confidence that I didn't think I had, but I was very sure about this answer.

He smiled at me, "Why?"

I shrugged, "Because of Holden Caulfield."

He laughed and gave me a slightly confused look, "Isn't that a book character?"

I nodded, "Yeah, from The Catcher in the Rye, he's in New York at Christmas, hiding from his parents because he got kicked out of another school." I answered simply. I could have gone into a ton more detail, since I knew almost everything there was to know about this book, but I didn't want to bore Josh to death.

"And that makes you want to go to New York at Christmas?" He clarified. I nodded again. "What does this Holden character think about Christmas in New York?"

I knew that he was expecting me to tell him that Holden described it beautifully and I needed to go there to see if the description in the book was real and all my fantasies and wishes would come true if I could just see the snow in NYC. "He hated it. He's a very sad, cynical character."

Josh laughed, and for the first time I noticed how cute of a laugh it was. "So he hated New York City so much that you just have to see it?" He laughed again and it almost made me want to smile.

"Yes." I drank more of my tea, noticing that it was almost gone and I would probably need to get up to get another soon.

"Why?" He asked, still smiling. He had a very attractive smile.

I thought for a moment; "I am also a very sad, cynical character." 

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